Sunday in Suburbia, in Hooker Heels Svētdienā Suburbia, jo Hooker Papēži
10.Sep.2007, 11:00 am 10.Sep.2007, 11:00
Yesterday I played domesticated cat: a call from The Boy and I hit Home Depot for rakes and pool poles for his palace, my means of bribing him to stay up later than his usual Wall Street, EST hours. Vakar man bija pieradināti cat: zvanu no Boy un I hit Home Depot par grābekļiem un baseinu stabu viņa pils, mans līdzekļi bribing viņam uzturēties līdz pat vēlāk nekā viņa parasti Wall Street, EST stundas.
In strip-mall suburbia right off the beach, a man welcomes me to the neighborhood. In sloksne-Mall suburbia labi pie pludmales, cilvēks atzinīgi mani apkārtne.
“Nice dress, mammi!” "Nice kleita, Mämmi!"
“Thank you, sexy,” I call after him, strapping tighter the belt on my leopard-print corduroy trench coat, click-clacking into the warehouse in "Paldies, sexy," es saucu pēc viņa, dūšīgs ciešāk jostas manā leopard-print velvets tranšeju mētelis, klikšķ-clacking vērā noliktavā black peep-show-toed, Lucite-heeled pumps melna palūrēt-show-izturēšanās, Lucite papēžiem sūkņi . . I see a salesman, and I zoom in, with a businessman's mind to save time. Es redzu pārdevējs, un es tuvinātu, ar uzņēmējs ir prāta, lai ietaupītu laiku. “Where are the rakes?” "Kur grābekļi?"
“They are right there.” He points to the aisle just behind me. "Tie ir labi tur." Viņš norāda, ka eju tieši aiz manis.
“But I need help finding the best.” I smile, I finger my belt, I cock my head, coy. "Bet man ir vajadzīga palīdzība, atrast labāko." Es smaidu, es pirkstu manu jostu, es gailis galvu, coy. “And I don't know what is what.” "Un es nezinu, kas ir kas."
“All right.” He climbs down his ladder, and escorts me to a rack of rakes, and I pick out a couple. "Labi." Viņš climbs nosaka viņa kāpnes, un eskortam mani statne grābekļi, un es izlasīt pāris.
“And I also need a hoe,” I say. "Un man arī ir kaplis," es saku. “But not a girl.” "Bet meitene."
He chuckles, and hands me one. Viņš chuckles, un rokas man vienu.
“This is the Rolls Royce of hoes? "Tas ir ruļļos, kapļi Royce? You're sure?” Tu esi pārliecināts? "
He laughs again. Viņš smejas vēlreiz. “Anything else?” "Anything else?"
“An axe.” "Cirvis".
He blinks at me. Viņš mirgo uz mani. “What size? "Kādu izmēru? For what?” Par ko? "
“A large tree. "Lielu koku. Or ex-husband.” Vai bijušais vīrs. "
He pauses, brain digesting my chatter like an over-baked meat loaf, then leans back and laughs. Viņš pauzes, smadzeņu karsējot mana pļāpāšana tāpat nekā cepta Meat Loaf, tad paliecas muguras un smejas. I trail him 'round the warehouse, until he hands me an axe, a pool pole, and then arranges them like flowers in a vase in a dirty orange cart. Es taka viņam "apaļā noliktava, līdz viņa rokas man cirvis, baseins pole, un pēc tam noorganizē viņiem kā ziedi vāze ir netīri oranži rati. I thank him, my conversation a curtsey, and I drive off my cart in sixth gear, screeching to a stop at the self-check-out. Es pateicos viņam, mana saruna curtsey, un es braucu pie mana grozs sesto pārnesumu, screeching to pieturas pie pašu izrakstīšanās.
Men and a few women in dirty shorts and T's look amused as I squeal while I almost drop the yard equipment that's mostly taller than me, scanning bar codes, swiping my plastic money with my own dude's name on it, only pausing when I see an apron'ed teenage boy. Vīriešiem un dažām sievietēm netīrā šorti un T izskatu amused kā es spiedziens kamēr es gandrīz piliens pagalmā iekārtas, kas ir pārsvarā ir garāki par mani, skenēšana, svītrkodus, swiping mana plastmasas naudu ar savu dude nosaukums uz to, tikai pauzes, kad es redzu apron'ed teenage boy.
“Can you help me out?” I smile, I blink my triple-mascara-coated lashes, I'm seeing the benefits of being less a Kristopher and more a prissy Krissy in my speech. "Vai jūs varat man palīdzēt?" Es smaidu, es blink manu triple-tušu pārklājumu skropstām, es esmu redzēt ieguvumu būs mazāk Kristopher un prissy Krissy manā runā. “I'll likely break something otherwise.” "Es varētu pārtraukuma kaut ko citādi."
He walks me out, my knight in the parking lot of slow moving dragons of mini-vans, and my ditz becomes less fun and more serious. Viņš pastaigas mani, mans bruņinieks ir autostāvvieta un lēni pūķi mini vagoni, un mans ditz kļūst tik jautri un nopietni. “I forgot where I parked… I have a Mini Cooper, by the way.” "Es aizmirsu, kur es stāvvietā ... Man ir Mini Cooper, ko veidā."
He clears his throat. Viņš notīra kaklā.
“Jay kay! "Jay Kay! Just kidding. Just kidding. It's a coupe.” Tas ir coupe ".
He laughs, polite: I am the cute, crazy, kept woman now. Viņš smejas, pieklājīga: I am cute, crazy, tur sieviete tagad.
After stuffing my car with the yard gear, he directs me to the Pacific Coast Highway, avoiding “south”s and “west”s for “left”s and “right”s in Chickalese, and I cruise through a hill of cookie-cutter homes before being dumped on the coast, onto a quiet road to The Boy's Italiano villa, “The Castle,” I call it. Pēc pildīšanas savu auto ar pagalmu rīkiem, Viņš vada mani Pacific Coast Highway, izvairoties no "dienvidu" s un "Rietumu" s "left" s un "pareizo" s Chickalese, un es kruīzu pa kalnā cookie - kuteris mājās pirms dempinga cenām no krasta, uz klusā ceļa Zēnu Italiano villa, "Pils", es aicinu to.
I show The Boy the receipt. Man rāda Boy saņemšanas. “I'm the best assistant that never worked for you.” "Es esmu labākais palīgs, kas nekad nav strādājušas, lai jums."
“Thanks, honey.” He perky pecks me on my pout, Lucy-Desi style. "Paldies, medus." Viņš spītīgs pecks mani uz manu mencas, Lucy-Desi stilā. “All right, here's your drug money.” And he counts cash to pay me back, and I think how this scene matches my hooker heels and smoked-out eyes and the neon pink and black lingerie beneath my trench coat. "Labi, šeit ir jūsu narkotiku naudu." Un viņš skaita naudas samaksāt mani atpakaļ, un es domāju, kā šo sižetu spēlēm manu prostitūta papēži un kūpinātas-out acis un neona rozā un melna apakšveļa zem manas uzrakt apmatojums.
The Boy takes us to take-out, and 15 minutes later we sit in his dining room, overlooking the coast of Los Angeles glittering like little diamonds in middle-class marriage rings, eating dirty Mexican food. Boy ņem mūs uz take-out, un 15 minūtes vēlāk mēs sēdēt viņa ēdamistaba, skatu krastā Los Angeles mirdzošs kā maz dimantu vidusšķiras laulības gredzeni, ēdot netīrs meksikāņu ēdienu.
I undress myself for dessert. Es izģērbties sevi par desertu. “That's nice,” says The Boy. "Tas ir jauks," saka Boy. And we bounce into his bed– Un mēs piepeši vērā viņa gultas
And he proceeds to pass out while working, reading words about numbers. Un viņš dosies tālāk uz bezsamaņa, strādājot, lasot vārdus par numuriem.
It was a nice Sunday break, but– Tā bija jauka svētdiena break, but -
No fucking-thank-you for marriage. Nē fucking-Paldies par laulību.

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10.Sep.2007, 02:03 pm 10.Sep.2007, 02:03
well that was a huge waste of mascara and stiletto toe pain. labi, ka bija milzīgs atkritumu tušu un duncis toe sāpes. you should have gotten the phone number for the home depot guy instead. Jums ir jābūt gotten tālruņa numuru, mājas depo puisis vietā.
10.Sep.2007, 02:28 pm 10.Sep.2007, 02:28
Fact or fiction? Fakts vai fikcija? Are you serious, K-Dukes? Vai jūs nopietni, K-Dukes? If so, you crack me up. Ja tā, jūs kreka mani. AND, do you really drive a Cooper? AND, jūs tiešām vadīt Cooper?
10.Sep.2007, 02:30 pm 10.Sep.2007, 02:30
All fact, including the glorious anti climax, and asking for a “hoe, not a girl.” Visi to skaitā krāšņās anti kulminācija, un prasot "kaplis, nevis meitene."
I don't really drive a Cooper — I was trying to scare the dude about fitting stuff in my trunk. Man nav īsti vadīt Cooper - Es centos nobiedēt dude par montāžas sīkumi manā stumbra.
XXXO, XXXO,
K K
10.Sep.2007, 03:34 pm 10.Sep.2007, 03:34
hahah this reminds me of a similar situation I was in when buying my dad a fathers day present from a hardware store!!! hahah man atgādina līdzīga situācija man bija pērkot mans tētis tēva dienas dāvanu no datortehnikas veikalā! Next time I'm going to try and dress to the nines and flirt my way around and see how I go =) Nākamreiz es eju, lai mēģinātu kleitu ar nines un flirt manu ceļu apkārt un redzēt, kā man iet =)
11.Sep.2007, 06:59 am 11.Sep.2007, 06:59
You crack me up. Jūs kreka mani.
11.Sep.2007, 10:59 am 11.Sep.2007, 10:59
stop writing gross stories about being in bed with your sugar daddy. stop rakstiski bruto stāsti par atrašanos gultā ar savu cukuru tētis.
13.Sep.2007, 03:51 pm 13.Sep.2007, 03:51
Er, Um, Krissy, I love your blog, but tell me do you like these hefty and clear heels that I”ve been seein so much of, I mean these “zapatos” are quite hott but this kinda heel always seems so weird to me. Er, Um, Krissy Es mīlu jūsu emuāru, bet pasakiet man, vai Jūs kā šīs spēcīgs un skaidrs papēži, ka I "ve bijis seein tik daudz, es domāju šie" zapatos "ir diezgan hott bet tas kinda papēdis vienmēr šķiet ļoti dīvaini, lai es. y'know…………I mean not to question your superior taste but, y'know…. y'know ... ... ... ... es domāju nevis jautājums jūsu priekšnieks garša, bet y'know ....
Z'maji @ hauteblogxoxo.wordpress.com Z'maji @ hauteblogxoxo.wordpress.com
14.Sep.2007, 12:31 pm 14.Sep.2007, 12:31
Hilarious. Jautrs. I was laughing so hard at the hoe line until tears came out of my eyes. Es smējās tik smagi kaplis līniju līdz asarām nāca no manas acis.
17.Sep.2007, 04:03 pm 17.Sep.2007, 04:03
You are HILARIOUS love!! Jums ir jautrs love! This was the funniest yet….LMAO Tas bija funniest vēl .... LMAO
18.Sep.2007, 08:24 am 18.Sep.2007, 08:24
Ha- great story. Ha-liels stāsts. You should have your own show! Jums ir jābūt savas parādīt!