Sunday in Suburbia, in Hooker Heels周日在郊区,在hooker接踵而至
10.Sep.2007, 11:00 am 10 。 sep.2007 ,上午11时00分
Yesterday I played domesticated cat: a call from The Boy and I hit Home Depot for rakes and pool poles for his palace, my means of bribing him to stay up later than his usual Wall Street, EST hours.昨天我打得驯养猫:呼吁从男孩和我击民政车厂rakes和池极点为他的宫殿,我的手段收买他,每次逗留不超过不迟他一贯的华尔街,美国东部时间。
In strip-mall suburbia right off the beach, a man welcomes me to the neighborhood.在带状购物中心郊区或右小康海滩上,一名男子在欢迎我到居委会。
“Nice dress, mammi!” "尼斯服饰, mammi ! "
“Thank you, sexy,” I call after him, strapping tighter the belt on my leopard-print corduroy trench coat, click-clacking into the warehouse in "谢谢你,性感, "我请他后,捷联收紧皮带对我的豹-打印灯心绒短外套,点击clacking进入仓库 black peep-show-toed, Lucite-heeled pumps黑色窥视秀- toed , lucite高跟鞋泵 . 。 I see a salesman, and I zoom in, with a businessman’s mind to save time.我看到一个推销员,我和放大,与一个商人的头脑,以节省时间。 “Where are the rakes?” "那里有rakes ? "
“They are right there.” He points to the aisle just behind me. "他们说得对,有。 "他站到过道刚刚在我身后。
“But I need help finding the best.” I smile, I finger my belt, I cock my head, coy. "但我需要帮助寻找最好的。 " i笑容,我手指我的皮带,我公鸡我的头,事务。 “And I don’t know what is what.” "我不知道什么是什么原因… … "
“All right.” He climbs down his ladder, and escorts me to a rack of rakes, and I pick out a couple. "所有"的规定。他爬升了他的梯子,并护送我到一个机架的rakes ,我抽出一对夫妇。
“And I also need a hoe,” I say. "我还需要一个锄头, "我说。 “But not a girl.” " ,而不是一个女孩。 "
He chuckles, and hands me one.他接着指出,和手给我找一个。
“This is the Rolls Royce of hoes? "这是劳斯莱斯的锄头? You’re sure?”你相信吗? "
He laughs again.他又笑了。 “Anything else?” "凡是别人吗? "
“An axe.” "斧头。 "
He blinks at me.他闪烁在我。 “What size? "什么尺寸? For what?”做什么? "
“A large tree. "大一棵树。 Or ex-husband.”或前夫。 "
He pauses, brain digesting my chatter like an over-baked meat loaf, then leans back and laughs.他停顿了一下,入脑,消化,我颤振,如超过焙肉面包,然后倾斜背部和笑着说。 I trail him ’round the warehouse, until he hands me an axe, a pool pole, and then arranges them like flowers in a vase in a dirty orange cart. i步道他说'轮仓库,直到他的手,请用斧头,一组一极,然后再安排他们喜欢鲜花插在花瓶里,在一个肮脏橙色购物车。 I thank him, my conversation a curtsey, and I drive off my cart in sixth gear, screeching to a stop at the self-check-out.我感谢他,我的谈话一curtsey的,我驾驶过我的购物车在第六齿轮, screeching处于停滞状态,在自我检查出来。
Men and a few women in dirty shorts and T’s look amused as I squeal while I almost drop the yard equipment that’s mostly taller than me, scanning bar codes, swiping my plastic money with my own dude’s name on it, only pausing when I see an apron’ed teenage boy.男子和少数妇女在肮脏的短裤和t的期待发笑,我尖叫,而我差点辍学庭院装备的大多是身高比我,扫描条码,刷卡我国塑料钱我自己谷的名字上,只停,当我看到一个apron'ed十几岁男孩。
“Can you help me out?” I smile, I blink my triple-mascara-coated lashes, I’m seeing the benefits of being less a Kristopher and more a prissy Krissy in my speech. "你能不能帮我出吗? " i笑容,我眨眼我的三重媚妍睫毛液包覆鞭打,我看到的好处正在减弱kristopher ,更是一个prissy krissy在我的演辞。 “I’ll likely break something otherwise.” "我将有可能打破东西,否则。 "
He walks me out, my knight in the parking lot of slow moving dragons of mini-vans, and my ditz becomes less fun and more serious.他走了我,我的骑士在停车场的移动缓慢的小龙微型客货车,和我的ditz变得较少的乐趣,更严重。 “I forgot where I parked… I have a Mini Cooper, by the way.” "我忘了在哪里停泊…我有一个迷你库柏,由不二法门"
He clears his throat.他擦亮了他的喉咙。
“Jay kay! "杰伊凯! Just kidding.只是在开玩笑。 It’s a coupe.”这是一个跑车。 "
He laughs, polite: I am the cute, crazy, kept woman now.他笑着说,礼貌:我是可爱的,疯了,保持现在女性。
After stuffing my car with the yard gear, he directs me to the Pacific Coast Highway, avoiding “south”s and “west”s for “left”s and “right”s in Chickalese, and I cruise through a hill of cookie-cutter homes before being dumped on the coast, onto a quiet road to The Boy’s Italiano villa, “The Castle,” I call it.馅后,我的汽车与堆场齿轮,他指示我到太平洋海岸公路,以避免"南方"和"西"局长"左"和"右" s在chickalese ,我邮轮通过希尔的曲奇-刀具家园,然后弃置于海岸,到一个安静的道路,以男孩的意大利文别墅, "城堡, "我叫。
I show The Boy the receipt.我说明了该名男童的收据。 “I’m the best assistant that never worked for you.” "我就是最好的助理说,从来没有工作过,为你"
“Thanks, honey.” He perky pecks me on my pout, Lucy-Desi style. "感谢,蜂蜜。 "他perky pecks在我的真空,露西-设计风格。 “All right, here’s your drug money.” And he counts cash to pay me back, and I think how this scene matches my hooker heels and smoked-out eyes and the neon pink and black lingerie beneath my trench coat. "没事儿,这里是你们的药钱"字。他计数现金支付,我回来了,而且我觉得怎么这种景象匹配我的hooker接踵而至熏出眼睛和霓虹灯粉红色及黑色内衣下方我的战壕大衣。
The Boy takes us to take-out, and 15 minutes later we sit in his dining room, overlooking the coast of Los Angeles glittering like little diamonds in middle-class marriage rings, eating dirty Mexican food.男孩需要我们采取淘汰,而15分钟后,我们坐在他的餐厅,俯瞰海岸的洛杉矶金光闪闪恰似点点钻石,在中产阶层的结婚戒指,饮食不洁墨西哥食物。
I undress myself for dessert. i脱下衣服,我自己甜品。 “That’s nice,” says The Boy. "说的很好,说: "该名男童。 And we bounce into his bed–我们反弹到他的床-
And he proceeds to pass out while working, reading words about numbers.和他的收益,货物运出,而工作,读话号码。
It was a nice Sunday break, but–这是一个好的星期日休息,但-
No fucking-thank-you for marriage.没有他妈的-谢-你的婚期。
























10.Sep.2007, 02:03 pm 10 。 sep.2007 ,下午2时03分
well that was a huge waste of mascara and stiletto toe pain.好,这是一个巨大的浪费,媚妍睫毛液及stiletto脚趾疼痛。 you should have gotten the phone number for the home depot guy instead.你应该得到的电话号码,为民政车厂家伙代替。
10.Sep.2007, 02:28 pm 10 。 sep.2007 ,下午2时28分
Fact or fiction?事实还是虚幻? Are you serious, K-Dukes?你是说真的,钾的dukes ? If so, you crack me up.如果是的话,你打击我。 AND, do you really drive a Cooper?和,你真的驾驶库珀?
10.Sep.2007, 02:30 pm 10 。 sep.2007 ,下午2时30分
All fact, including the glorious anti climax, and asking for a “hoe, not a girl.”所有的事实,包括光荣的反高潮,并要求一个"锄头,而不是一个女孩。 "
I don’t really drive a Cooper — I was trying to scare the dude about fitting stuff in my trunk.我真的不开库珀-我是想吓唬谷约装修的东西,在我的鼻子。
XXXO, xxxo ,
K k
10.Sep.2007, 03:34 pm 10 。 sep.2007 ,下午3时34分
hahah this reminds me of a similar situation I was in when buying my dad a fathers day present from a hardware store!!! hahah这使我想起了一个类似的情况,我是在购买时,我爸一父亲目前每天从五金店! ! ! Next time I’m going to try and dress to the nines and flirt my way around and see how I go =)下次我会尝试与服饰给了99.999和打情骂俏,我倒过来看我如何去= )
11.Sep.2007, 06:59 am 11 。 sep.2007 ,上午06时59分
You crack me up.你打击我。
11.Sep.2007, 10:59 am 11 。 sep.2007 ,上午10时59分
stop writing gross stories about being in bed with your sugar daddy.停止写作毛额的故事,正在病床上与贵糖爸爸。
13.Sep.2007, 03:51 pm 13 。 sep.2007 ,下午3时51分
Er, Um, Krissy, I love your blog, but tell me do you like these hefty and clear heels that I”ve been seein so much of, I mean these “zapatos” are quite hott but this kinda heel always seems so weird to me.呃,嗯, krissy ,我爱你的博客,但告诉我,你会喜欢这些沉重的和明确的接踵而至,我的"价值工程已seein这么多的,我的意思是,这些" zapatos "相当hott不过,这有点踵总是这么奇怪,以我。 y’know…………I mean not to question your superior taste but, y’know…. y'know … … … …我的意思是不是怀疑你的上级的口味,但y'know … 。
Z’maji @ hauteblogxoxo.wordpress.com z'maji @ hauteblogxoxo.wordpress.com
14.Sep.2007, 12:31 pm 14 。 sep.2007 ,下午12时31分
Hilarious.搞笑。 I was laughing so hard at the hoe line until tears came out of my eyes.我是在笑,所以很难在锄头线,直到眼泪出来了我的眼睛。
17.Sep.2007, 04:03 pm 17 。 sep.2007 ,下午4时03分
You are HILARIOUS love!!你是搞笑爱情! ! This was the funniest yet….LMAO这是有趣,但… 。 lmao
18.Sep.2007, 08:24 am 18 。 sep.2007 ,上午08时24分
Ha- great story.夏伟大的故事。 You should have your own show!你应该有你自己的显示!