Barely Living Through Chemistry Tikko Living Through Chemistry

Most people are surprised when I tell them I've never snorted coke off a model's stomach in Brazil, that I haven't puffed pot, that I barely, rarely drink ____tinis. Lielākā daļa cilvēku ir pārsteigti, kad es viņiem saku es nekad neesmu šņauca kokss pie modeļa kuņģa Brazīlija, ka man nav smēķēta pot, ka es tikko, reti dzēriens ____tinis. They don't understand how I've kept my DARE promise but say things in public that make people look at me like I speak French. Viņi nesaprot, kā es esmu tur manu DARE solījumu bet sakiet lietas, kas sabiedrībai, ka liek cilvēkiem skatīties uz mani kā es runāju franču valodā.

So when I considered generic Prozac — the essence of doctor-prescribed Fancy Pink Pills for Chicks™ — to kill my PMDD (short for “Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder,” short for motherfucking bad PMS that turns my Porsche '07 911 brain into an '89 Honda Civic), I questioned how the drug would do me. Tad, kad es uzskatīju generic Prozac - būtība ārsta-noteikti Fancy Pink Pills cāļiem ™ - lai nogalinātu manu PMDD (saīsinājums no "Premenstrual disforisks traucējumi," īss motherfucking slikti PMS, kas padara manu Porsche '07 911 smadzeņu vērā "89 Honda Civic), man jautā, kā zāles darītu man.

But after months of capping six soy lattes with twenty Red Bulls without denting my mental fatigue, I cash in my prescription. Bet pēc mēnešiem maksimuma sešiem sojas lattes ar divdesmit Red Bulls bez denting manu garīgo nogurumu, es naudas manā receptes. I scan the tiny print Rite Aid provided: “Pills may lessen sexual desire,” — I laugh, I doubt it — “may cause anxiety, may cause suicidal thoughts, may cause depression. Es scan tiny print Rites Atbalsts, kas paredzēts: "tabletes var samazināt seksuālo vēlmi," - es smejos, es šaubos - "var izraisīt trauksmi, var izraisīt domas par pašnāvību, var radīt depresiju. If you hear ringing in your ears and want to stab someone with your five-inch stiletto, call your physician.” Ja tu dzirdi džinkstoņa ausīs un vēlaties uzbrukt kādam ar savu piecu collu duncis, zvaniet savam ārstam. "

Fascinating. Fascinējoša.

I swallow a baby blue pill for breakfast. Es norīt baby blue pill brokastīm. And I still feel tired after 2 pm, after three trips to Starbucks, after a designer energy drink, I still– Un es joprojām jūtaties noguris pēc 2 pm, pēc trim braucieniem uz Starbucks, pēc dizainera enerģijas dzēriens, I still -

Haven't heard from The Boy all day. Nav dzirdējuši no Boy visu dienu.

I grope my iPhone, and I worry as I hear his voice mail answer. Es grābstīties my iPhone, un man jāuztraucas, kā es dzirdu viņa balss pastu atbildi. “Normally you call me every time you take a piss,” I say. "Parasti tu mani sauc katru reizi, kad lietojat mīzt," es saku. “I am concerned for your bladder.” "Esmu nobažījusies par savu urīnpūsli."

I hang up, and the sun sinks with my mood, and I'm distracted from business: my inner bohemian wants a sick day while my internal yuppie whips her to keep working in the sweatshop of my mind. Es nolieku klausuli, un saule izlietnes ar savu noskaņojumu, un es esmu apmulsis no business: mans iekšējais Bohēmijas vēlas slimības dienu laikā mans iekšējais yuppie pātagas viņai turpināt darbu, kas sweatshop manu prātu.

But instead of fingers flying over my MacBook, super marketing myself, I find myself in a super market buying Fruit Rollups, pressed pieces of sugar in tie-dyes of happy, the opposite of how I feel. Bet pirkstu peld pār manu MacBook, super tirdzniecības es, varu atrast sevi super tirgū pērk augļus Rollups, presēti gabalu cukura kaklasaites krāsām apmierināta, pretī par to, kā man justies. I cruise back home, and realize I still haven't heard from The Boy. Es kruīza atpakaļ mājās, un saprast, es vēl neesmu dzirdējis no Boy. A piece of paper floats into my lap and I squeal like it's a spider and barely control a swerve, and I wonder if I'm on edge from the Prozac, I wonder if The Boy has been held hostage and sodomized in The Castle by someone other than me, I wonder if– Papīra gabals pludiņiem manā klēpī, un es spiedziens kā tas ir zirnekļa un tik tikko kontrole novirzīšanās, un es domāju, vai es esmu par malu no Prozac, Nez, ja Boy tiek turēts kā ķīlnieks, un sodomized in Castle kāds izņemot mani, es prātoju, vai -

Riiing. Riiing. Riiing. Riiing.

He's calling? Viņš zvana? “Satan speaking,” I answer. "Sātans sakot," es atbildu.

“Hey, fucker.” His voice husks happy, I wonder if the terrorists holding a gun to his head have demanded he act natural. "Hei, stulbenis." Viņa balss pelavas laimīgs, Nez, ja teroristi saimniecība šauteni galvu pieprasītu viņam rīkoties dabas. “I just got in from working the yard, baby.” "Es nokļuvu strādāt pagalmā bērnu."

Of course. Protams. Weeding, enjoying green grass, “Getting dirty without me?” I ask. Ravēšana, baudot zaļa zāle, "Getting netīrās bez manis?" Es vaicāju. “Did you dig out a mud wrestling pit?” "Vai tu izrakt no dubļu cīņas bedre?"

“It was great. "Tas bija lieliski. You don't know how satisfying it is to work the land you own.” Jūs nezināt, kā apmierināt tā ir strādāt zemes jums pieder. "

I imagine him shirtless, sunning, his six-pack sweating. Es domāju, viņam shirtless, sunning, viņa sešus-pack svīšana. “I'm sure. "Es esmu pārliecināts. Did you pay yourself $5.50 per hour for this work?” We talk small while I land home: he's asking about my day and how I spent it, and I tell him all I did was touch myself to Prince songs; I skip over my science experiment with my brain. Vai jūs maksājat pats par stundu 5,50 $ par šo darbu? "Mēs runājam maza, kamēr es zemes mājās: viņš jautā par mana diena un kā es pavadīju, un es viņam visu es darīju bija touch sevi Prince dziesmas, man izlaist pa manu zinātne eksperimentēt ar savu smadzeņu palīdzību. But as we keep chatting I pour out the month's worth of pastel pills into the toilet and flush. Bet kā mēs glabājam čatā I izbērt mēnesi ilgus pasteļglezna tabletes vērā tualeti un viļņi. I decide I'll control my mind myself, I'll skip taking the passenger seat while some chemical is the driver, I– Es nolemju I'll kontrole Manuprāt es, es izlaist ņemot pasažiera sēdeklī, bet dažas ķīmiskās vielas vadītājs, I -

Wonder if it's too late for another soy latte and an espresso-laced brownie. Brīnums, ja tas ir par vēlu vēl sojas latte un espresso-aizdarīt gariņš.

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