De HERTOGEN van KRiSTOPHER van de Schrijver van de manier

Hyde en zoekt

24.Sep.2007, 05:40 p.m.

De Schoenen van Vita van Dolce„Wacht tot ziens.“

Mijn vinger hangt boven DE VRAAG VAN HET EIND knoop.

„Kunt u iets vriendelijk van normaal voor de cocktailpartij?“ dragen vraagt de Jongen.

„U bedoelt een beyonce-Rang, sequined vinjapon die tot mijn crotch, met luipaardplatforms wordt gesneden?“

De „gasten zullen 80 jaar oud zijn. U zult hen naar hun dood verzenden als u in uw Betty Boop shit.“ komt

„Hebben geloof, vriend. Ik zal mooi kijken. Ik moet nu gaan en op mijn gezicht zetten.“

„Al dat oogschaduw?“

„Tah, tah.“ Ik hang omhoog op de Jongen, en cre�ër zorgvuldig mijn gezicht: Ik tik op porseleinpoeder, ik super-grootte mijn ogen met houtskool in de schaduw stellen, bevlek ik stralen van helder op het been van mijn wangen. Dan samen meng ik al mijn makeup zodat mijn wordt het verf-door-eigenschappen gezicht in spel van licht en schaduw zacht. Ik maak onderaan mijn glad bobbed haar, I spritz op een douche van Sappig Couture parfum, I

Am verbaasde ik kan dit in een minder dan uur doen. Tot slot stap ik in huwelijk-witte Mary janes, glijd ik op een katoen en een gerimpelde chiffon japon uit die een wolk van vanille is, het aroma van het leven van gasten bij de partij de Jongen me aan uitnodigde.

Het was zijn opgedirkt-toevallig, SoCal sociaal scènedebuut in dure suburbia op de kust, een minidorp van McMansions dat door teruggetrokken of dichtbijgelegen teruggetrokken wordt bezeten, en de Jongen die me uitnodigt aan zijn nieuwe buurtmixer kwam met zijn verzoek ik mijn gebruik van mascara en het woord „fuck.“ verlicht „Hmm. Ik kan het sociale scripting doen,“ ik stelde de Jongen gerust. „ik ben roestig op dat `en hoe gaat het met u' stier shit, maar ik kan het behandelen. U ziet meestal mijn Hyde, maar ik kan Dr. spelen. Jekyll, ook. Al Prozac glimlacht vrij en cliche gesprek.“

„Perfectioneer,“ hij zei.

Ik te denken aan de beleefde wens van de Jongen aan gelieve zijn buren aangezien ik voor zijn huis van walk-in kasten en badkamerss groter dan de schoendoos parkeer ik binnen leef, zijn palace die met een carrière van „Fuck u“ wordt gekocht s en fearlessness in de financiële wereld.

„U kijkt mooi!“ Het compliment van de Jongen drijft op sigh van hulp, aangezien hij de marmeren stappen aan de ingangspoort van zijn huis beklimt. Hij trekt zijn lippen door de verdraaide ijzerstaven samen. „Kus me, als zijn wij in gevangenis.“

„Ik vertelde u ik kon als een dame kijken, motherfucker.“ En dan gaan mijn lippen PG met perky pikken op zijn steenbolk, en hij slingert door de poort en neemt mijn hand aangezien wij aan de partij lopen.

Elke inleiding is een echo van zich: “This is my girlfriend, Kristopher.”

“Oh, so nice to meet you,” gasps someone two, three times older than me. “I didn’t quite catch your name.”

“Kristopher,” I repeat again, smiling. “Kristopher. No, not Christina. Kristopher.” Finally a dino dude demands explanation. “My dad says he named me after an actress he saw in an art flick, and my older brother, four years old when my mom was pregnant, says he insisted I was named Christopher after his chubby BFF in preschool. Who knows which story is true.”

“Oh, yes, I see,” says the guest.

“My dad’s a musician.” I shrug.

“Ohhh.”

We move on to the meal, migrating from a patio open to a postcard view of the Pacific ocean to a circular table in which nice stories wind ’round. “So I call the police when I realize my Porsche’s been stolen, and the woman says, ‘Let me tell you. There are three types of Porsches.’ So I’m thinking this woman is a real Porsche aficionado, she’s going to tell me the history of the 911, the 944…” The Boy smiles a pause. “And she says, ‘There’s a Porsche that’s been stolen, there’s a Porsche that’s gonna be stolen, and there’s a Porsche that’s getting stolen right now while we’re talking!’”

The table laughs on cue, perfectly pitched at polite party level. “You know, it is so true,” says a little 60-something-year-old girl. “My friend had a Porsche and every time he bought one it was stolen!” She says “Porsche” like the hundred-grand car was a 100 Grand candy bar.

Minutes melt into the creamy dessert that’s served, and as I barely taste my beige cake, in the reflection of the smooth English tea I’ve traded for my usual bitter espresso I see a lifetime half-lived, fueled by fear of offending people. But I’m all gracious giggles and serious silence and–

Boredom, that’s apparently matched by The Boy’s. “I can’t take this any more,” he leans over and whispers, while our table’s distracted welcoming a late comer. He looks up. “That’s the dick that never returned my call.” The Boy becomes as loud as the new guest’s yellow and red sweater that clashes against his gray hair: “So good to see you, Trevor. Thanks for not returning my call. Though apparently it made me miss out on a summer of thirteen-year-old boy fashion. That shrunken sweater and long T-shirt combo–very hip.”

I laugh at Trevor’s blank face, his domestic deadpan, my first serious giggle of the the evening, and whisper to The Boy, “Your Hyde is coming out.”

He whispers back. “I can only do the polite thing for so long before I’m so bored I can’t give a fuck anymore.”

“Life is short,” I reply, and I tug down the waist of my dress, so the neckline is no longer a suffocating, Sunday’s best high. “Ready to go?”

The Boy gets up in answer, and we move around the room, shaking hands, exchanging “Nice to meet you”s, till we make it to the hosts, a matured, Middle Eastern couple.

“The party was wonderful,” says The Boy. “Thanks for having us. You’ll have to come over for dinner next week.”

“We’d love to, but we’re vacationing,” she says, her wrinkles a little darker with the thought. “After that?”

“Sure, but while you’re gone I’m going to bulldoze your house so I’ll have a better view of the beach.”

They laugh, nervous. “Well, have a safe drive home,” says the hostess, dry hand brushing my shoulder.

“You think I’m not having her spend the night?” The Boy looks at them like they’re crazy.

“Did you think we were married or something?” I chime in, and my image as a darling doll is cracked. The Boy takes my hand and we exit.

“So did I behave too bad?” asks The Boy, as we walk back to his home.

“I think you don’t give a fuck, Mr. Hyde.”

As reply, he pulls me against him and tongues me deep as we stand in the middle of the street.

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10 Smart Remarks for “Hyde and Seek”

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  1. vafashionista says:

    I love it! Who is this magic ‘boy’? does he have an East Coast twin who’d like to spoil me and make me princess of his castle?

  2. KRiSTOPHER DUKES says:

    I forwarded The Boy your comment. I shall keep you posted, lovely.

    And if his friends won’t take you out, I’ll be your sugar momma.

    XXXO

  3. jax says:

    Whoever thought…. white mary janes could do all that…. ?

  4. Z'maji says:

    This “boy” got some nerve dissin on them sweet Betty Boop goodies, who does he think he is??? Dag-nabit I say more eyeshadow to really set off those sweet Mary-janes, Mmmmmm creamy *wink*

  5. KRiSTOPHER DUKES says:

    K says: (1:50:21 PM) Leave a comment on the blog as The Boy.

    The Boy says: (1:51:09 PM) I cannot legitimize this abuse of me

    K says: (1:50:21 PM) By “abuse” you mean “immortalization,” right?

    The Boy says: (1:51:09 PM) I mean immolation!

    K says: (1:52:25 PM) :O

    The Boy says: (1:52:34 PM) You had to look that one up!

    K says: (1:52:40 PM) I DID, MR. PEDANTIC

    K says: (2:02:25 PM) pe·dan·tic /pəˈdæntɪk/ adjective: 1. ostentatious in one’s learning.

    K says: (2:03:07 PM) Ex. “He found it pedantic that she showed him a formal definition of the word ‘pedantic.’ ”

    The Boy says: (2:04:08 PM) ha!

    The Boy says: (2:04:33 PM) I cannot help that my vocabulary dwarfs yours .. that “immolation” rolled off my tongue w/in seconds of your “immortalization”

    The Boy says: (2:04:51 PM) Someday you shall be as learned as I

    The Boy says: (2:04:54 PM) Some … day

  6. Bekky Nixon says:

    Il ragazzo (my boy is Italian) doesn’t read my blog.

    He’s not very good at reading.
    Or writing.
    But he’s very good at other things…

    … like preaching sermons and counselling mislead youths.

    You have such a dirty mind. ;P

    xB

  7. WendyB says:

    Great post!

  8. Lucy @ glam.com says:

    Those shoes could cause serious infatuation. How perfect.

    x.Lucy @ GlamChic Glam.com

  9. Lelo Vibrator, “Yva”, a la Fashion Writer KRiSTOPHER DUKES says:

    […] Sex is a Lelo vibrator, handcrafted in 18K gold, richly minimalist for a solid vibe, VIP private; and sex and a Lelo vibrator are your perfect accessory for that boring party you’re attending. […]

  10. GlamBlush :: Links, Links, and More Links says:

    […] Kristopher Dukes: She plays “Hyde and Seek’ at a party with her boy. […]

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Boss Lady

Less into f**k-me shoes and more into f**k-you shoes, fashion writer KRiSTOPHER DUKES blogs about Hyde and Seek, five-inch heels, It bags, and more. »

Because life is short. Your skirt should be, too.™

"Kristopher Dukes win[s] wide praise in the fashion world..."


"[KRiSTOPHER DUKES .com is] a tightly edited daily glam fest..."


"Five-inch heels, It bags, and designer jewelry, with the occasional post about love for almost all things mink. [Kristopher is] courting PETA love."