And “Best Dressed” Goes to… Un "Labākā dressed dodas uz ...

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I pat on porcelain powder, brighten eyes with smudges of black, crimp and coat my lashes–thrice–, gloss my lips nude, smooth my bangs with a second blow (dry) job, dab on Chanel's liquid gold, survey my closet and decide a blue wool tank is now a dress, then strap on red light-district suede, peepshow peep toes. Es pat uz porcelāna pulveris atdzīvoties acīm ar smudges melno, eģes un mētelis manas skropstas-trīsreiz-, spīdīga manas lūpas nude, gludu manu Bangs ar otru sitiens (sauss) darbu, dab par Chanel likvīdo zelta, aptauja mans skapis un lemj zils vilnas tvertne tagad kleita, tad siksnas sarkanās gaismas rajons zamšādas, kinetoskops palūrēt pirkstiem. And I always skip a bra– Un es vienmēr skip bra -

I realized years ago it saved some time. Es sapratu, pirms gadiem tas saglabāja zināmu laiku.

Sometimes the Kristopher in me hates the prissy Krissy I doll up daily as, but grooming gorgeous is only one more thing you should always do right: looking your best opens wider a window–and maybe your legs–to opportunity, it polishes your pride, it– Dažreiz Kristopher mani ienīst prissy Krissy es uzcirties dienā kā, bet pavedināšanu krāšņs ir tikai vēl viena lieta jums vienmēr izdarīt labi: meklējot savus labākos paver plašākas logu un varbūt kājām, par iespēju, tā vaski savu lepnumu, it -

Makes you late to a last minute doctor's appointment. Liek jums vēlu, lai pēdējā brīdī ārsta iecelšanu. I speed to Beverly Hills, screech into a parking space, and stroll to the office. Es ātrums Beverly Hills, purva stājas stāvvietu, un pastaiga uz biroju. I loop signatures on paperwork probably okaying selling my kidneys in Tijuana, and finally meet a mediocre MD I loop parakstus paperwork iespējams okaying pārdošanas manas nieres in Tijuana, un beidzot izpildīt viduvējs MD

“I've been extremely tired for almost a year around the red tide,” I tell the doctor dude. "Es esmu ļoti noguris gandrīz gadu laikā ap sarkano paisumu," man pateikt ārstam dude. “Two Red Bulls, six sugar-free soy green tea lattes in a row, extra exercise, eating babies…” I pause and he just keeps jotting. "Divas Red Bulls, sešus bez cukura sojas zaļā tēja lattes šajā rindā, papildu slodze, ēšanas bērni ..." es izslēdzu un viņš tikai tur īsa atzīme. “Nothing works.” "Nekas darbiem."

“Well, really, it's just that a woman's cycle, her hormones, are such a mystery.” Nu, patiešām, tas ir tikai, ka sievietes ciklu, viņas hormonus, ir tādi nesaprotami. "

“You mean like the rage I'm feeling right now at wasting my time?” "Tu domā kā dusmas es jūtos labi tagad jātērē mans laiks?"

“Well–” "Labi"

“Want to just do a blood panel and see if anything shows?” I suggest. "Gribu vienkārši darīt asins paneli un redzēt, ja kaut ko liecina?" Es iesaku. “I think I'm overdue anyway.” "Es domāju, ka es esmu nokavēto anyway.

He sends in a nurse. Viņš nosūta in medmāsa. “You need to lie down?” she asks, her Russian accent thick like Moscow street food. Tev apgulties? "Viņa jautā, un viņas krievu akcents bieza kā Maskavas iela pārtiku.

“For what?” I eye her: her blond hair is silvering, her features floating in a sea of wrinkles. "Par ko?" Es acs viņai: viņas blondie mati ir silvering, viņas iezīmes peldošas jūras grumbu. She's not really my type. Viņa nav īsti mana tipa.

“Because I take blood. "Tāpēc es asinis. You know, most women like to lie down.” Jūs zināt, vairums sieviešu patīk apgulties. "

“I'm not most women,” I say. "Es neesmu vairums sieviešu," es saku. “I like to watch.” I make a right-handed fist and she pricks me, and I watch the blood spurt into the vial. "Man patīk skatīties." Es veicu labo roku dūre un viņa pricks mani, un es skatos asins strūkla flakonā. A primal piece of my brain sirens that I should stop this loss, and I'm amused. Svarīgākais gabals no manas smadzenes sirēnas, ka man vajadzētu pārtraukt šo zaudējumu, un es esmu amused.

She finally takes out the needle, pressing a cotton ball to my arm. Viņa beidzot izņem adatu, nospiežot kokvilnas bumbu ar roku. “Hold. "Hold. Don't bleed.” Nav asiņot.

“I won't bleed on my little blue dress, but maybe I'll drip red all over your white coat.” "Es ne asiņot uz manu maz zila kleita, bet varbūt es pilienu sarkano pa visu balts mētelis."

“Oh, no, no,” she laughs. "Ak, nē, nē," viņa smejas.

“It'll get the other patients' attention,” I push. "Tas nopirkšu citu pacientu uzmanību," es push. “Keep them in line. "Keep tos līniju. All those whining kids…” Visi šie whining kids ... "

She BandAids me, and I shake her hand, and as I exit the building I realize I'm on the street of a salon owned by a boy I sexed. Viņa BandAids mani, un es krata viņas roku, un kā es izeju ēkas es saprotu, ka es esmu uz ielas salons, kas pieder zēnam I sexed. Our couple weeks of copulating didn't come catastrophic, we just found as fast as we slept together that two twenty-something-year-old workaholics from Los Angeles didn't equal love, or, even, like, really like? Mūsu pāris nedēļām copulating nestājās katastrofālas, mēs vienkārši atrast tik strauji, kā mēs gulēja kopā, ka divas divdesmit kaut gadus vecs workaholics no Los Angeles nav vienāda mīlestība, vai, vēl, piemēram, ļoti patīk? And so my river of dirty text messages slowed into a creek, then dried dead. Un tā mana upe netīrs īsziņas palēninājās stājas līcis, tad žāvētas miris. Seeing him seems inconvenient, but I'm sure his salon was further down the block, I'm sure– Redzot viņam šķiet neērti, bet es esmu pārliecināts, ka viņa salons bija lejup bloks, es esmu pārliecināts,

That he's one of the three dudes watching my walk down the street. Ka viņš ir viens no trim dudes skatoties manu pastaigājoties pa ielu. “Hey! "Hei! Look who it is. Skaties kas tas ir. Haven't seen you in a while. Neesmu redzējis jums laiku. No calls, no texts.” Nē zvani no tekstus. "

“It takes two,” I say, smiling, taking his peck on my powdered cheek. "Tas aizņem divas," es saku, smaidot pieņemt savu mest manā pulverveida vaiga.

“So what are you doing around here?” "Ko tu dari šeit tuvumā?"

“Doctor's appointment.” "Ārsta iecelšanu."

He eyes my outfit. Viņš acis mans apģērbs. “You're looking sexy.” "Tu esi looking sexy".

“I'm going jogging in this later.” "Es esmu, kas skriešanas šajā vēlāk."

“You sure you're just here for the doctor's?” "Vai tiešām jūs tikai šeit ārsta?"

“Positive, like my STD test.” "Positive, piemēram, mana STD pārbaude."

His brows meet, making a frown, before we laugh. Uzacis izpildīt, padarot skatiens, pirms mēs smieties. “Oh, yeah?” His eyes trail the ambitious arch of my sole to the polished, Posh-ish bob, and I realize he thinks I came here dolled up in hopes of seeing him, I realize – "Ak, jā?" Viņa acis taka vērienīgu arka mana vienīgā ar pulētu, Posh-ish bob, un es saprotu, viņš domā, es atbraucu dolled izveidota cerības redzēt viņu, es saprotu, --

I should buy a hooded sweat suit. Man vajadzētu iegādāties ar kapuci sviedri uzvalks.

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