A Little Island of Insanity
I’m in my second office–pick a Starbucks, any Starbucks–and post meeting I decide to wait out the storm of L.A. traffic, buoyed by another soy latte, on an island of a strip mall in, like, totally the Valley?
I float to the cashier. “I’ll have a sugar-free caramel, iced soy latte. Extra shot of gay.”
The cashier looks at me, polite. “Anything else?”
I survey the rows of pastries, against my will, and see the cookie I’ve been desert island-hungry for since my red tide rolled in days ago. “I’ll take a chocolate chip cookie, please.” He drops one into a bag, and the cookie’s little weighted noise sounds like the future echo of me hitting a bathroom scale. “I shouldn’t have one because I want to get crack whore-thin, but I’ll just throw up the cookie in the restroom later.”
His eyebrows raise into a question mark: his brows the curve, his pinched mouth the dot.
“Times like these we can’t waste a minute being unrealistic,” I say. “Also, I’m trying to get wireless internet in here for an S.O.S. back to L.A., but it’s a pain in my never-done-yoga-in-my-life ass. What am I doing wrong?”
“I can give you a brochure.” He reaches for a life jacket-yellow pamphlet that someone’s already tossed at me.
“It’s like you’re throwing me a brick as a life saver–not helpful,” I say. “Should I just throw my computer against the wall? Will that fix it?”
He finally cracks, a little smile. “Here’s your receipt.”
» Mesi Jilly shell ring $285, Vivre.com
18.Oct.2007, 03:52 am
The wireless in ATL Starbucks(es) is so bad I bought an espresso machine for my kitchen. One would think the pricey thing would keep me away from spending $10+ a day there.
Not true.
I just leave the apartment, sit my ass in traffic to get one, buy the drug, sit in traffic on the way home, and drink half the thing before I make it back to laptop.
Cities like yours and mine will be better off when teleportation becomes an option, don’t you think?
I think I’ll move to New York before that becomes available.
18.Oct.2007, 07:36 am
Great story, hideous ring! I smell a book deal in your future, boss! (Dibs on shooting the cover)
18.Oct.2007, 09:35 pm
Oh no Krissi, none of that Hollywood(crack) dieting. We must stick to the healthy way of staying skinny such as starvation and vomiting after every meal…….the ring is “haute”…..boss, I mean boss.
-Z’maji @ hauteblogxoxo.wordpress.com