Mirror, Mirror Mirror, Mirror

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“What do you want to do today?” asks The Boy. "Ko jūs vēlaties darīt šodien?" Jautā Boy.

I look up from my laptop, my eyes trailing from the toe to the head of his figure stretched out on our hotel bed. Es skatos pat no sava laptop, manas acis atpaliek no pirksta uz galvas viņa skaitlis izstiepies mūsu viesnīcā gultā. “How about Starbucks?” My only real interest in Orlando, in most of Florida, was The Boy in wrinkled sheets on a work-day morning, between his business meetings. "Kā par Starbucks?" Mans vienīgais patiesa interese Orlando, vairumā Florida tika Boy in krunkains lapām par darba dienā no rīta, starp viņa biznesa tikšanās. “What do you think?” "What do you think?"

“I think we're 30 minutes away from Disney World, so we've got to go. "Es domāju, ka mēs esam 30 minūšu attālumā no Disney World, tāpēc mēs esam ieguvuši iet. Have you ever been?” Vai jūs kādreiz esat bijis?

“Disney Land, yes,” I say. "Disney Land, jā," es saku. “But not Disney World.” I see a flash of sticky heat, sticky hands, sticky public seats, but I blink, and decide, “Let's do it.” Bet ne Disney World. "Manuprāt, flash un lipīgs siltuma, lipīgi roku, lipīgi sabiedriskās vietas, bet es mirgot, un nolemt," Let's do it. "

He buys the tickets online, and we shuttle over to a car rental company. Viņš pērk biļetes internetā, un mēs turp un atpakaļ vairāk nekā uz automašīnu nomas uzņēmums. The Boy feels his pants' pockets at the counter. Boy uzskata viņa pants "kabatām counter. “I forgot, I don't have my license,” says The Boy. "Es aizmirsu, man nav mana licence," saka Boy. “You'll have to rent the car.” "Jums būs iznomāt auto".

I hand over my driver's license. Es nodot mana vadītāja apliecība. “So long as I get laid for this.” "Tātad, ja man kas par to."

“You're under 25,” says the man behind the counter. "Tu esi zem 25," saka aiz counter man. “We have to double the rate.” "Mums ir dubultā likme."

“Fine,” I say, a sigh, like giving into a child's little demands. "Labi," es saku, sigh, piemēram, sniedzot vērā bērna mazliet prasībām. “Anything for The Boy.” I pay, and we walk to our sedan. "Viss par Boy." Man ir jāmaksā, un mums iet mūsu sedans. A blur of gray with big back seats, it's a mom-mobile. Aizmiglot pelēka ar lieliem aizmugures sēdvietām, ir mamma-mobile.

“The last time I went to Disney World was in the '70s,” says the Boy. "Pēdējo reizi es devos uz Disney World bija '70s," stāsta Boy. “My parents shipped me home for throwing ice cream on people from the hotel balcony. "Mani vecāki sūta mani mājās throwing saldējuma cilvēku no viesnīcas balkona. Ooh, Taco Bell, can we stop?” Ooh, Taco Bell, mēs varam apturēt? "

“No, sexy, we'll get something to eat at Disney World.” "Nē, sexy, mēs kaut ko ēst pie Disney World."

“I want to do Space Mountain first,” says The Boy. "Es gribu darīt Space Mountain pirmais," saka Boy. “I'm really excited. "Es esmu patiesi sajūsmā. What about you?” What about you? "

“Yeah,” I say, “I'm curious about how Disney World creates this other reality. "Jā," es saku: "Es esmu ziņkārīgs par to Disney World, rada šo citu realitāti. In which a giant mouse rips you off.” My eyes stick to the humid highway, and I only look away from the suburban lanes to turn down the radio, which The Boy set on Kid Rock. Kurā milzu peles RIP jums izdosies. "Manas acis turēties pie mitruma šosejas, un man tikai izskatās prom no piepilsētas joslas nolocīt radio, ko Boy medījis Kid Rock. I cruise at 85 mph, and soon we see the sign: Disney World Resort, three miles. Es kruīza 85 mph, un drīz mēs redzam zīme: Disney World Resort, trīs jūdzes.

“We're getting close!” says The Boy, his voice like a hand clap. "Mēs esam daudz neatpaliek!" Saka Boy, viņa balss tāpat roku aplaudēt. The highway continues to slip by, and suddenly the grass lining the road looks greener, the trees straighter, the large puddles of swamp water neater. Ceļu turpina slīdēšanu, un to pēkšņi zāle uzliku ceļa izskatās zaļāka, koki straighter, lielās peļķēs no purva ūdens īsāks izklāsts. Friendly signs request I drive 50 mph, but I don't slow until we get to the parking ticketer. Friendly zīmes lūgumu es braucu 50 km / h, bet man nav lēns, kamēr mēs to stāvvietu ticketer. The Boy looks at the double-digit parking fee. Boy aplūko divciparu autostāvvieta maksu. “These hoes get you every turn.” "Šie kapļi iegūtu Jums ik uz soļa."

I hand the man some green, then park in a gray lot titled Pluto 11. Es roku man kādu zaļo, tad parka pelēks daudz nosaukumu Plutons 11. I triple check the car's locked doors, and grab The Boy's hand. Es triple pārbaudīt automobiļa aizslēgtas durvis, un paķert Boy roku. It's only 8 am, but I feel the sun baking my skin, aging the black of my hooded dress, bouncing off the rose gold of my cut-away stilettos, the kind of shoes my mom wore to dinners when I was little. Tas ir tikai 8 am, bet man šķiet, saule cepšanas manas ādas novecošanās melnā manu kapuci kleita, veselīgs pie pieauga zelta mana cut-away īleni, apavu mana mamma valkāja lai vakariņas veids, kad man bija maz. There's a parade of parents The Boy's same age, though they make his lean body look like a teenager's: their guts spill over pleated khaki shorts, their skin bulges as they grasp children in trademarked Mouse ears. Pastāv vecāku Zēnu viena vecuma parāde, lai gan viņi savus liesās ķermeņa izskatīsies pusaudža's: viņu iekšām zemas kroku haki šorti, to ādas bulges kā tās apgūt bērnu preču zīmi Mouse ausīs. As we walk I notice a crack in the asphalt of the perfect parking lot. Kā mums iet es ievēroju plaisas asfaltā par perfektu autostāvvieta.

“Say hello to middle America,” says The Boy. "Say Hello to vidū Amerikā," saka Boy.

“How about good bye?” I ask. "Kā par labu atā?" Es vaicāju. We rush ahead of the herd and hop on the tram to the park, and though we'd come early before opening hours, Disney World was already packed with pint-sized princesses and their mothers who never lost pregnancy weight. Mēs rush pirms ganāmpulka un apiņu par tramvaja uz parku, un, lai gan mēs gribētu nākt agri pirms darba laika, Disney pasaule jau bija pildīta ar pint-sized princeses un viņu mātēm, kas nekad nav zaudējis grūtniecību svara. Music trills from a flower bed groomed into a silhouette of Mickey Mouse's head, and the recording plays bright as the blue ceiling of sky. Mūzika Vibranti no puķu gultas kopts stājas siluets Mickey Mouse galvu, un ierakstu spēlē spilgti kā zils griesti debesis. Dancers prance out of the scene's sunny corners, all fluttering fingers and Miss USA grins. Dejotāju prance no skatuves saulaini stūri, visi fluttering pirksti un Miss ASV grins.

I break The Boy's stare with a nudge. I break Boy's stare ar iedunkāt. “I think these are all the drama students from that NYU-reject college I went to. "Es domāju, ka šie visi ir drāma studenti, kas NYU-noraidīt koledžas Es devos. Their theater management degree is paying off, for sure.” I look around, and the crowd of kids is catatonic, some lifted on dads' shoulders, some clustered together, all pretty pouts paused, mouths agape. Viņu teātra vadība pakāpe ir atmaksājas, for sure. "Es paskatos apkārt, un par bērniem pūlis ir catatonic, daži piecēlās uz tēti" pleciem, daži ir koncentrētas kopā, visi diezgan pouts apturēta, mutē agape.

“Welcome to the happiest place on earth!” shouts Mickey. "Welcome to vislaimīgākais vietu uz Zemes!" Shouts Mickey.

“Think that actor takes it up the ass?” I ask. "Iedomājieties, ka dalībnieks to nepieņem ass?" Es vaicāju.

“Shh!” says The Boy. "SHH!" Saka Boy.

The recorded welcome winds down, melting into audio sunshine and bird chirps I can't tell from the real thing. Reģistrēto welcome vēji uz leju, kušanas vērā audio saules un putnu chirps es nevaru pateikt no reāla lieta. The gate smiles open. Vārtu pasmaida open. We walk through a brief security check, where Mickey's helpers politely paw my purse. Mēs staigājam pa īsu drošības pārbaude, ja Mickey's palīgi pieklājīgi ķepa manu maku. “Laptops, huh?” asks the guard. "Laptops, vai ne?" Aicina apsardzē.

“I'm in the internet business,” I explain. "Es esmu internetā," es paskaidroju. “Porn.” "Porn."

As soon as I zip up my bag, The Boy grabs my hand and we run to Space Mountain. Tiklīdz es zip manu maisiņu Boy grabs manu roku, un mēs palaist, lai Space Mountain. We speed through the line, first in front of the roller coaster's tracks. Mēs ātrums caur līniju, vispirms priekšā amerikāņu kalniņi's dziesmas. “You want to be the very first?” I ask. "Jūs vēlaties būt ļoti pirmais?" Es vaicāju. The Boy nods, and I switch with him. Boy pamāj, un es slēdzis ar viņu. “Now you're in front of everyone!” I coo. "Tagad tu esi priekšā visiem!" Es dūdot. We climb in, and I put my glossy glasses away. Mēs rāpties in, un man manu spīdīgs brilles prom. Before we've shot off I'm yelling, pumping my fists, like a redneck father. Pirms mēs esam shot off Es kliegt, sūkņu manas dūres, tāpat kā lempis tēvs. “Yeah! "Jā! Yeah!” The rocket jets off, and I become quiet until we whiz through the first curve. Yeah! "Raķešu sprauslas off, un man kļūst kluss, līdz mēs sīkšana ar pirmo līkni. “Wooh!” I yell. "Wooh!" Es kliedzu.

“Stop that.” The Boy turns around. "Stop that." Boy pagriežas. “You're freaking me — Ahh!” He yells as we zip down. "Tu esi freaking me - Ahh!" Viņš kliedz kā mēs zip leju. “I am so scared!” His scream slips and dips while we whip around a black hole of space, fake stars winking at us through the curves. "Es esmu tik nobijies!" Viņa kliedz paslīdēšana un dips kamēr mēs pātagu ap melno caurumu vietas, viltotas zvaigznes winking pie mums, izmantojot līknes. We slide to a stop. Mēs slaidu pietura.

“Were you really scared?” I ask, squeezing The Boy's hand. "Vai jūs patiešām nobijies?" Es vaicāju, saspiežot Boy roku.

“I thought I was going to hit my head.” "Es domāju, gatavojas, lai sasniegtu galvu."

“So we shouldn't do it again?” I ask. "Tāpēc mums nevajadzētu darīt to vēlreiz?" Es vaicāju.

He tugs my hand in answer, and we run back in line. Viņš velkoņi manu roku atbildi, un mēs palaist atpakaļ rindā. “You're doing pretty well in those heels.” "Tu esi dara diezgan labi šos papēžiem."

“That's because I'ma big girl.” After a brief wait, we hop into our second seats. "Tas ir tāpēc, ka esmu liela meitene." Pēc īsa pagaidiet, mēs hop uz mūsu otrās vietas. I yell as soon as our plastic rocket jerks to a start, and I only pause my screaming to vogue for Disney's money shot as we slip down the largest hill. Es kliedzu, tiklīdz mūsu plastmasas raķešu jerks to sākuma, un es tikai pauze manas kliedz to popularitāte ar Disney naudas shot kā mēs slīdēšanas noteikti lielākā kalna. We step out the ride, into a souvenir shop conveniently placed before our exit, and ponder breakfast. Mēs iziet ride, ievešanu suvenīru veikalā ērti novietot pirms mūsu izejas, un apdomājiet brokastis. “I'd like a sugar-free hazelnut soy latte, please.” "Es gribētu bez cukura lazdu riekstu sojas latte, lūdzu."

The Boy looks at me. Boy skatās uz mani. “You're in fantasy land.” , Tu esi fantāzijas zemi. "

“Okay, maybe coffee, a cup of ice, and a bottle of soy milk?” He stops at a moon-shaped snack bar, then brings back the items to our table. "Labi, varbūt kafijas tasi ledu, un pudele ar sojas pienu?" Viņš apstājas pie mēness formas uzkodu bārs, tad nes atpakaļ uz mūsu galda priekšmetiem. I improvise a latte, and as I pour the soy milk into the hot coffee, the beige blurs into two ears budding from a larger circle. Es improvizēt latte, un kā es ieliet sojas pienu karstu kafiju, bēšs izlīdzina divas ausis topošos no lielāka apļa. I smile, suddenly amused with the retro future of the park. Es smaidu, pēkšņi amused ar retro nākotnes parks. The playground's still perky though it's more than twice my age, and I feel young. Rotaļlaukums joprojām iecirtīgs tomēr tas ir vairāk nekā divas reizes manā vecumā, un es uzskatu jauniešiem. “Thanks for taking me to Disney World, daddy.” I reward The Boy a PG peck on the cheek. "Paldies, ka veltījāt man Disney World, tētis." Man atlīdzība Boy PG knābiens uz vaiga. We sun, sipping coffee, watching families walk by. Mēs saule, dzer kafijas, skatīties ģimenes iet ar.

Our morning is melting into a Disney movie, the perfect setting for wondering wonderful “what if”s: What if there was world peace? Mūsu rītā kūst stājas Disney filmu, ideāls iestatījumu jautājums brīnišķīgi ", kas notiks, ja" s: Ko darīt, ja tur bija mieru pasaulē? What if everyone was as happy as a puppy? Ko darīt, ja visi bija tik laimīgs kā kucēns? What if– Ko darīt, ja -

“If my wife got fat,” says The Boy, his eyes on a pear-shaped parent, “I'd make it very clear: 'We're not having sex anymore. "Ja mana sieva got tauku saturu," saka jaunietis acis uz bumbierveida vecākiem "Es gribu darīt to ļoti skaidri:" Mēs esam ne seksu vairs. I'm grossed out. Es esmu ekstrapolētiem out. Lose it or we divorce.'” Lose, vai mēs šķiršanās. "

“I'm with you,” I say. "Es esmu ar jums," es saku. My hand grazes his Ken Doll six-pack through his T-shirt, and pauses above his pants as a kid comes by, screaming. Manas rokas nobrāzumus viņa Kens Lelle sešus iepakojums ar savu T-kreklu un pauzes virs viņa bikses kā kazlēnu nāk ar, kliedz. “That kid has got to be the best contraceptive ever.” The child's cheeks tinge a tantrum purple, and the blue of the sky behind him looks more fake. "Tas bērns tagad ir labākais kontracepcijas jebkad." Bērna vaigi nokrāsu dusmu lēkme purpursarkanas un zilā no debesīm aiz viņa izskatās daudz viltojumu.

“So what's next?” "Tātad, what's next?"

We look at a map, and decide on Pirates of the Caribbean. Mēs apskatīt karti, un lemj par Karību jūras pirāti. On our way we past Splash Mountain. Uz mūsu veids, kā mēs agrāk Splash Mountain. The Boy watches a messy fountain of water squirt up as we cross a bridge. Boy pulkstenis netīrs strūklaka ūdens strūkla izveidota kā mēs pāri tiltam. “We're doing that,” he says, tugging my hand. "Mēs to dara," viņš saka, tugging manu roku.

“No way,” I say. "Nē," es saku. “I like getting wet with you, but just with my clothes off.” "Man patīk kļūst slapjš ar jums, bet tikai ar savu apģērbu off."

“You only live once,” The Boy lectures. "Tu dzīvo tikai vienreiz," Boy lekcijas.

“My MacBook can't swim, and it's in my purse. "Mana MacBook nevar peldēties, un tas ir manā makā. And my shoes are really pretty.” I look down at the leather twinkling in the sun. Un manas kurpes tiešām diezgan. "Es skatos uz ādas acumirklis šajā saulē. “A girl named Kristopher is dry clean only.” "Meitene nosauca Kristopher ir ķīmiski tīrīt tikai."

Another splash is punctuated with happy yells. Vēl viens splash ir pārtraukta ar prieku kliedz. I feel a drop of water land on my hair, and it's like the period dotting my “No way.” Es jūtos piliens ūdens zemi manus matus, un tas ir kā perioda dotting mans "No veidā."

“Come on,” says The Boy. "Nāc," saka Boy. “You won't get wet, I promise. "Jūs nesaņemsiet slapjš, es apsolu. And if you do, I'll buy you Minnie Mouse ears.” Un, ja jums, es jums izmaksāt jums Minnie Mouse ausis. "

“No, no, no.” I stomp my feet, but he's already pulling my hand, grip firm, dragging me into a run to the ride's line. "Nē, nē, nē." Man Stomp manas kājas, bet viņš jau velkot manas puses, rokturis firma, velkot mani palaist to ride's līniju. Quickly we get to the plastic log boats, and they bump into the cement borders of the fake river while wet riders climb out. Ātri mēs to plastmasas log laivas, un tie sasist vērā cements robežām viltojumu upes, bet mitrā braucējiem kāpt out. I look at our assigned seat, already drowning in water. Es paskatos uz mūsu piešķirto vietu, kas jau slīkšana ūdenī. “I'm not doing this,” I whine, but The Boy pulls me down next to him. "Es neesmu to izdarīt," es gausties, bet Boy velk mani uz leju blakus viņam.

“Take off your shoes,” he orders, and I slip them off and hand them over. "Take off kurpes," viņš pasūtījumi, un es buksēšana viņu uzstāšanos, un nodot tās. He takes off his shirt. Viņš paceļas viņa krekls.

I'm fast appeased, like a child. Es ātri appeased, kā bērns. “Now we're talking! "Tagad mēs runājam! How about your pants?” Kā par savu bikses? "

He grabs my bag, and quickly wraps my purse and shoes up in his T. “See? Viņš greiferi manu maisiņu un ātri wraps manu maku un kurpes līdz viņa T. "Skat? I told you they wouldn't get we–” Es tev teicu, tie nebūs mēs-"

We're showered as another log boat dives into Splash Mountain's climax. Mēs esam showered kā vēl log laivu niršanas stājas Splash Mountain's Climax. I scream with the stream of water running down my body, using words even drunk Disney characters don't know. I scream ar strūklu ūdens ekspluatācijas nosaka manu ķermeni, izmantojot vārdus pat piedzēries Disney characters nezinu. “I'm so mother–” I feel the water drip down my back, little wet slaps on my butt. "Es esmu tik māte-" Es jūtu, ūdens pilienu nosaka manu muguru, nedaudz mitru slaps manā butt. The Boy is soaking wet, grinning at me. Boy ir mērcēšanas slapjš, grinning uz mani. “So gross!” I say, echoing a kid who saw The Boy and I kissing earlier that day. "So bruto!" Es saku, atsaucoties mazulis, kas redzēja Boy un man kissing agrāk šajā dienā. Our boat floats on, slushing gray-blue water all around. Mūsu laiva pludiņus, slushing pelēks zils ūdens visapkārt. And though another drop never touches me, even down our final slope, I'm not relieved until we're back out in the sun. Un, lai gan vēl pilienu nekad pieskaras man, pat nosaka mūsu gala nogāzi, es neesmu atbrīvot, kamēr mēs esam atpakaļ saulē. I lift my dress up, unabashed like a kid, twisting my skirt so it drips all over the walkway. Es paceļu saģērbt, nekaunīgs kā kazlēnu, griežot mani svārki, tādēļ drips visas celiņš. I notice disapproving stares from middle-aged mothers, so I stop and straighten my stance, my back in its best princess posture. Es ievēroju, neatzīs stares no pusmūža mātēm, tāpēc man apstāties un sakārtot manu viedokli, manu atpakaļ savu labāko princese poza. A little girl sticks her tongue out at me. Maza meitene sticks viņa mēli uz mani.

I make a face back at her, then turn to The Boy. Varu veikt sejas atpakaļ uz viņu, tad vēršas pie Boy. “Now let's do the Haunted Mansion,” I say. "Tagad let's do Haunted Mansion," es saku. “I love the Haunted Mansion. "Es mīlu Haunted Mansion. When I wasn't skipping pre-calculus in junior high for Starbucks, I was reading ghost stories.” We get directions from a pimpled worker, and run past Main Street. Kad man nebija izlaižot pre-calculus junioru augsts Starbucks, es lasīju spoku stāsti. "Mēs saņemt norādījumus no Pimpled darbinieku, un palaist pēdējo Main Street. The amusement park melts into a shadow of a New Orleans that never knew Katrina. Atrakciju parks kūst stājas ēnā New Orleans, ka nekad zināja Katrīna. We reach the Haunted Mansion's line, and a teenaged Disney employee costumed as a decaying butler holds open the door, his eyebrows painted into a scowl. Mēs sasniedzam Haunted Mansion ir tiešsaistē, kā arī teenaged Disney darbinieks costumed kā bojājas virssulainis tur atvērtas durvis, viņa uzacis nokrāsotas drūmi skatīties. “Have you considered Botox for that?” I ask. "Vai tu esi ievērojis Botox par to?" Es vaicāju. He stares at me, stern, and I feel younger than him. Viņš stares uz mani, kuģa pakaļgala, un es uzskatu, kas jaunāki par viņu.

The Boy and I pile into an octagonal room with other tourists. Boy un I pāļu stājas astoņstūra istaba ar citiem tūristiem. The space quickly dims, and I feel my ass grabbed. Telpa ātri jāsatumst, un es uzskatu manu ass satvert. “Was that you, or a Japanese tourist?” I ask The Boy. "Was ka jūs, vai japāņu tūristu?" Es lūdzu Boy. His smile glows a little in the dark. Viņa smaids spīd nedaudz tumsā. The lights come back on and we walk into moving seats for our haunted house tour. Gaismas nāk atpakaļ, un mums iet mainīgos vietas mūsu Haunted House ceļojums. As soon as we dip into the dark, The Boy slips his hand into my blouse, and like naughty teenagers we make out. Tiklīdz mēs iemērkšana vērā tumšs, Boy potzari savu roku manā blūze, un tāpat kā nerātns pusaudžiem mēs out.

We pause our pawing when we reach a room full of wives and husbands with their heads cut off. Mēs pauzes mūsu pawing, kad mēs sasniedzam pilns sievas un vīri istaba ar galvu nogrieztu. As we glide to the door, a bride in glowing green-white swings an axe. Kā mēs glisādes ar durvīm, līgava kvēlojošs zaļa-balta šūpoles cirvis. “Isn't that how they all are, if not always so literally?” I muse. "Vai nav ka, kā viņi visi ir, ja ne vienmēr tik burtiski?" I mūza.

“I think my college girlfriend looked like her,” says The Boy, and we go back to making out. "Es domāju, ka mans koledžas draudzene izskatījās kā viņas," saka zēns, un mēs atgriežamies padarīt out.

A plump ghost is hologrammed between The Boy and me as the ride twirls towards its end. Tukls Gars ir hologrammed starp Boy un man ride twirls uz tās beigām. “No way is he our third,” says The Boy. "No tā viņš ir mūsu trešais," saka Boy. We jump out of our seats as soon as we see the exit, and I adjust my hood over my head, my sunglasses over my face, like some glammy, rebellious teenager. Mēs izlēkt no mūsu vietas, tiklīdz mēs redzam izeju, un es pielāgot mana kapuce pār manu galvu, mans saulesbrilles pār manu seju, tāpat kā glammy, dumpīgs pusaudzis.

Perfectly playing its role, the Florida sun beats down on my back, burning off the damp in my dress. Perfekti spēlē savu lomu, Florida saule sit uz leju muguras, dedzināšana pie mitra manā kleita. “I'm saturated, what about you?” I ask The Boy. "Es esmu piesātinātā, ko par jums?" Es lūdzu Boy. “The only thing we missed is a Small World.” "Vienīgais, ko mēs izlaista ir maza pasaule."

We pass a fat family fighting, with sweaty hot dogs in their hands. Mums iet tauki ģimenes cīnās ar nosvīdis karstmaizes savās rokās.

“I think we've already seen it.” "Es domāju, ka mēs esam jau redzējuši."

We run through Disney World's exit, and I'm ready to go back to our own private happiest place on earth: Mēs, pateicoties Disney World izbraukšanas, un es esmu gatavs doties atpakaļ uz savu privāto vislaimīgākais vieta uz zemes:

The sheets of our hotel bed. Mūsu viesnīca palagi.

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