The Hell of Heaven
16.May.2008, 05:09 pmCarlos Souza cross ring, $3,850 Vivre.com
Honolulu is as I always imagined heaven would be—
Very beautiful, and very boring.
And just as Jesus deemed heaven should be, Honolulu is full of mediocre middle Americans, escaping from the purgatory they made their everydays, gorging on overpriced reward for lives neither really good nor bad: for coveting their neighbor’s wife and not doing anything about it, for texting “OMG” during American Idol, for murdering their own souls with a slow suffocation of healthy greed.
I walk to Starbucks, my white marble skin sponging in the humidity. The sky is harsher, bluer than the Pacific, the sun is unquestionably that great ball of fire early Christians denied it to be. And both boil the air hot as hell. I order a soy latte, and the price makes me wonder if I’m also paying a sin tax. But I’m trapped on an island that’s forever a vacation from reality; where else am I going to buy holy water for workaholics?
As fast as I can be, I’m back in my hotel room, writing these words to build my own heaven on earth, making myself slave away each moment, wringing work out of every second of now that makes up true eternity.
I pause, and look outside at the bright sky cooking unmoving bodies lying on the beach, those corpses of ambition, those—
Thighs. God, check out the cellulite on that chick.
I’ll do anything to escape heaven.
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16.May.2008, 05:34 pm
I’d like to respond to all future comments:
Yes, I am a genius.
16.May.2008, 07:26 pm
Well, Wikiki is full of whores running a-muck in stripper shoes and lingerie…However I once rented a red convertable camaro…and wondered why a chick hopped in and said “boys where are we going?” then a wierdo cop came along side of me in a 3 wheeled gulf cart and told us young lads that she was not wearing any underwear…LMAO….Yep, Those islands can keep there high prices, japanese tourists laughing at the USS ARIZONA and the grave that lies beneith….chirst I wanted to strangle those fucks and watch the eye balls in thier little slanted eyes pop and oooooozzzeeee.
16.May.2008, 08:38 pm
The K-flair… It’s back.
Someone find us champagne and hot boys to celebrate with.
17.May.2008, 03:54 pm
I’ve missed your stories! At least you’re in Heaven, I guess it’s better than the Hell in Hell.
19.May.2008, 03:06 pm
dave’s a retard.