Hating:

This Norma Kamali for Walmart sweatshirt dress is sold out in everything but the size XL.

Tempting as it is, I already look like an Olsen twin.

I’m too fat to put on any more weight…

Wanting:

Since I’m hardly ever out of my uniform of made-to-order silk tank dresses and shawl-collar wrap coats, I’m not sure when I’d wear this Norma Kamali for Walmart motorcycle jacket. But as it costs less than a bottle of dog shampoo, do I need to know now?

Wait, Major Dukes is barking.

He said I ought to stop blowing dough; he wants an Hermès dog collar.

I told Major that sounded a little fashion victim, and he replied that was interesting coming from a chick who wears five-inch Giuseppes to take him out to potty.

Touché…

Wearing:

I bought this Norma Kamali for Walmart long cardigan to wear with my White Sands deep V-neck, one-piece swimsuit.

I love how a preppy cardigan pairs with a plunge-neck one-piece, a la Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface, but how often will I wear the two together?

Very often.

Kristopher Dukes, Inc. has a strict dress code: no panties or pants…

Stiletto Jungle covers “Kimmie,” the first 7 For All Mankind curvy-fit jeans.
Allie is Wired peeks preview pics from Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” music video.
Bag Bliss obsesses over Alexander McQueen’s “Long Skull” whipsnake clutch.
Coquette loves modern pleats for spring.
Fashion Pulse Daily reviews Tory Burch’s Fall 2010 collection.
I’m Not Obsessed‘s celeb fashion find? Hilary Duff wears it.
The Jet Set Girls peeks into Lauren Conrad’s carry-on.
Second City Style has New York Fashion Week Fall 2010 trends you should buy now.
SheFinds shares five design suggestions with Ivanka Trump for her new shoe collection.
Shopping and Info digs Megan Fox’s Sergio Rossi platform pumps.
StyleBakery has styling tricks  from Fall 2010 runways.
Stylehive found cheapy sunnies that twin Alexander Wang frames.
The Beauty Stop details Illamasqua’s “Create Your Own Lacquer” contest.
The Fashion Bomb takes a look at Vogue Italia‘s new site, Vogue Black.
The Shoe Goddess gives away OPI’s Alice in Wonderland mini nail polish set.
eye4style has the latest spa treatment to hit California: the Vajacial.

Wanting:

Do you think it’s indulgent of me to buy Major Dukes a Cain & Able lavender dog bath gift basket? Am I ridiculous to think a German Shepherd, no matter how much he cost, appreciates lavender-themed, all-natural shampoo, conditioner, body spray, and paw salve?

Please.

Major’ll find aesthetic irony in the so-bad-it’s-good bone-shaped basket this Cain & Able lavender dog spa gift set comes in…

Hating:

A lavender aromatherapy candle designed for a dog?  For use “during bath time to help keep your pet calm and relaxed”?

As Major Dukes is better educated than 99.91% of mankind, he’s not sure if he’s more offended when pets are humanized for marketing reasons or out of misguided sincerity.

I told him the latter offends me more, but Major said after we finish taking photos for my blog, he’ll re-read Nietzsche’s Animal Philosophy and get back to me…

Using:

I was tempted to spritz Major Dukes with my daily L’Artisan Parfumeur, and though the scent’s not a high-note feminine, I didn’t think a dude dog ought to smell like a tubereuse.

But there’s something relaxing, fresh, and unisex about lavender.

Especially when Cain & Able lavender dog cologne doubles as a bug repellent and it’s spritzed on a 75-pound German Shepherd that’s faster and quieter than a bullet…

Reading:

Fast Company featured Glam Media as one of the most innovative companies, and Glam graciously spotlighted bloggers in its ad network: Adventures in the Stiletto Jungle, Afrobella, Coquette, Hostess with the Mostess, and some chick named Kristopher.

I thought a chinchilla bikini would be fetching with my President, pinkie ring, and referring to myself in the third person, but then I realized it might come off as stuffy…

Watching:

Since I first discovered the 1993 film a year ago, I’ve watched it after every time I finish rereading the novel The Age of Innocence.

The Age of Innocence, as directed by Martin Scorsese, is a perfect complement to the novel: the film’s so faithful to the book that it serves best as a moving illustration, clarifying how seamless a writer Edith Wharton was: every key conversation is at a fire place, May’s wedding dress is re-worn at the height of her husband’s infidelity, and the time of day Newland falls for his unrequited love has the same sun setting as at his last glimpse of her.

While you may think it odd for Scorsese to direct the passive elegance of The Age of Innocence, Major Dukes noticed that the theme of repressed passion is representative of Scorsese’s most violent works…

Wearing:

I’m uncomfortable in flats, but I bought these Giuseppe Zanotti riding boots so I can ride Major Dukes, my German Shepherd, sidesaddle.

Actually, I bought them for hiking the Grand Canyon with him in March.

I plan on photographing all that natural beauty: I’ll limit my smoky eye to three shades of shadow, and cut Major’s collars down to two.

That big slash in the earth might make it into some pictures, too…