Lulu snakeskin hartkoppeling $383, Lulu Guinness.com

„Charlie, u weet wat aantal één moordenaar van vrouwen?“ is

„Nr.“ Hij knifes van een weinig croissant spinazie, en blikken die lichtjes als gebakjevlokken worden de geërgerde vliegen in de lucht, zoals boterachtige sneeuw. „Eigenlijk, is niet het hart“

„I dacht het toyfriends was die om werden gedwongen te letten op Het Geslacht van het kasjmier en de Mafia Wildernis,“ ik zeg. Ik breek een brok van mijn Belgische chocolade en kersenscone af, en de kant van het houdt afbrokkelend, als een rots glijd een miniatuurberg van dessert weg. „Welke eerlijk zou zijn. Maar het is eigenlijk hartkwaal. En door hartkwaal, beteken ik niet emotionalism die van het luisteren aan John Mayer wordt geplaatst uitkiest. Ik bedoel daadwerkelijke hartkwaal.“

„Ik krijg het. Ik ben niet in pre-med om cokes te doen,“ zegt Charlie. „Zo waarom u bent die die brok van cholesterol eten?“

„U kunt mijn haar in de badkamers tegenhouden terwijl ik het van de hand doe, juist?“ Ik vraag. „En terwijl wij binnen daar zijn, zal ik nemen Ga Rood voor het hartcontrole van Vrouwen op mijn iPhone.“

Louis Vuitton That’s Love brooch $310, eLUXURY.com

I love an alphabet’s worth of four-letter words; L-O-V-E is one of them.

L-O-V-E is often priced R-I-C-H, L-O-V-E is the power to pick your B-O-S-S, but, most importantly, L-O-V-E means enjoying a much less overused and abused four-letter word:

A lovely F-U-C-K.

But did I really need to spell that out?

Vintage alligator carry-on $495, Vintage Skins.com

Anyone who tells you money can’t buy happiness has a price tag.

The person who hates money doesn’t know money is just a tool you craft while working for whatever you love, that cash is a cache for independence, that printed paper paves the expansion of your horizon, that money makes for fun when you trade it for a vintage alligator carry-on, plus tickets to Hong Kong for your 20-something’th birthday.

Along with Chinese hookers.

I mean hookahs.

Missoni bikini $345 $207, Net-a-Porter.com

Life should be an investment: relationships should pay you interest, one hour of work should buy you two more hours of pleasure, and –

This Missoni bikini should more than pay for itself.

You know, while you’re vacaying, some Catholic Daddy will see you sunning, Missoni bikini top tossed to the side, and the father will want to spend hours with you.

Talking about Jesus over a dinner that costs $207, tax and shipping not included.

That’s what I mean, you Pretty Woman.

Kale bag $695 $243, Haute Look.com

“She looks like she’s going to prom.”

The hair stylist pauses mid fluff, Carlota and I curb our cooing over the model’s ringlets, curls carefully highlighted to look sun-kissed. Adam reaches for a handful of organic trail mix. “I want effortlessly elegant. She looks like she’s going to a high school dance with that hair.”

“We can make the model’s waves looser,” Carlota says, “but I like them. Kristopher?”

“I like them, too,” I say. “It’s girl hair.”

“And we’re selling to girls,” says Carlota.

“All right, fine,” says Adam. “After a lifetime of being girls, you guys know what you’re talking about. I’ll go work on a million other things I can do that I actually know.”

The model slips on a vintage Chanel shift, a simple sheath of fabric impeccably tailored so that it melts into a background for the body wearing it. After many minutes of makeup, she naturally looks like a living doll.

“I wanted to tell you,” says a stylist, Mary, pausing her pinning. She’s a hipster hippie in high-waisted, wide jeans and a gold necklace worn as a headband over intentionally tousled hair. “I really love your site.”

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R & Y Augousti bag $295 , Barneys.com

Irregular but right angles of bronze frame a slice of stingray, hard hugging a sliver of ostrich. Boss black for white tie, this R & Y Augousti bag is as green as it gets.

How many other designers love animals as much as R & Y Augousti?

$295 at Barney’s. Tax, a guiltless consciousness that prizes skyscrapers over mountains, and Hummer with chinchilla-covered seats and hummers from hookers not included.

SURevolution leaf bracelet $285, Vivre.com

This new year, take organic matter and man-make it your own.

This new year, shape the world into tools for your own pleasure and profit.

This new year, resolve to bend reality to your will, to build yourself into the person you want to be, and–

Only bother with “green” when it refers to cash.

Happy New Year, lovelies.

XXXO,
K

Liucia obi clutch $250, Liucia.com

The present is a gift when it’s a perfect blend of past and future, when your now rides high on experience towards rosy hopes.

When your now levies lessons learned to climb towards climatic success.

When your now slides in and out of what’s former and forward.

When your now fashions fingerprint-unique history — a vintage obi belt from a kimono — into something future-forward — a ruthlessly minimalist rectangle clutch.

And just like your now should luxuriate in naked necessities, this obi bag looks like it’d only fit a condom and an iPhone–

The world’s oldest pleasure sport and the freshest way to watch at porn.

How presently perfect.

Roberto Cavalli boots $528, eLUXURY

Return the fruitcake you bought for that fruitcake at work, swap your cousin’s cashmere for cash, and gift yourself these merry merlot and gold brocade Roberto Cavalli boots instead.

Should Santa bring you coal come XXXmas, use it to make up a smoky eye.

Life’s short.

The skirt you wear with your Roberto boots should be, too.

XXXO,
K