Met over gehangen Halloween, het tijd aan prep voorstelt voor Kwanzanukkah, is om selfless te spelen, -

Gift hen die gift u rijk het beste.

Het is enkel goede zaken.

Maar vóór uw het kopen spree, investeer in iets voor zich, als deze gebogen two-tone De schoenen van Christian Louboutin. Allen leiden zwart en ernstig satijn, deze schoenen boog-band van Christian Louboutin zelf in uw eigen gift.

De ambitieuze boog zal u hebben op uw gang in uw vergadering letten.

En dood het.

» De schoenen van Christian Louboutin met boog $925, netto-a-Portier

Deel dit

Er zijn iets werkgever over a Bum van Louis Vuitton zak.

Het Louis embleem schept Europese elegant op om de bum timeless toerist van de zak in evenwicht te brengen vibe, om klassieke stijl te evenaren.

Als overvallen het worden in het Vierkant van de Tijden van New York, of, zo ook

Het krijgen fucked omhoog de ezel.

» Bum van Louis Vuitton zak $710, eLUXURY

Deel dit

„Fuck u“ schoenen zijn hielen met een ambitieuze boog, een stevige zool, „fuck bent u“ schoenen een onmiskenbaar gewaagde schoen u hebt dat tribunes lange alleen, figuratively - zij zijn zeker als u - en letterlijk verdiend - zij stileren werkgever met enkel trashy lingerie.

„Fuck u“ schoenen betekent u op bovenkant bent, of u enig bent of partnered.

En „fuck me“ schoenen?

„Fuck me“ schoenen is overpriced ontwerperfiasco's het uitnodigen van u om te krijgen fucked door om het even welke dude u zou kunnen het krediet denkt kunnen betalen u gebruikte om de hielen te kopen.

Kan ik een „fuck“ ja worden?

» Alberta Ferretti shoes $745, Net-a-Porter.com 

Share This

This Parisian Abaco bag is like a man: you want it to mellow into maturity, to age smart, to–

Have plenty of years to get great in bed.

See the Abaco bag’s front pouch? How it’ll just fit some extremely modest pajamas, perhaps a bunny-print onesie?

That’s what I meant.

You dirty motherfucker.

» Abaco bag $635, Shop Intuition.com

Share This

What’s better than this Pade Vavre ring, with its mini galaxy of sapphires?

a. The Pade Vavre ring will make you feel fully dressed in your black lace and 24k-laced trashy lingerie.

b. The Pade Vavre ring’ll add a some punch when you punch your younger brother.

c. The Pade Vavre ring is $132 with promocode “xxxo”.

d. All of the motherfucking above.

I check d, and I’m also double-checking these other goodies you can get 25% off of:

• Goldenbleu bag in patent leather, that converts to a clutch. Was $865. For you? For you I give $649.
• Kenneth Jay Lane ring, a boss black flower. Metaphor for the soul I sold to Satan? Perhaps. $64? Certainly.
• CC Skye bracelet in white python, from $176 to $132. Make NickyLindsay Richie Lohan jealous.

» Get 25% all full-priced jewelry and accessories at Max & Chloe, with promocode “xxxo”*

* Promotion ends November 1, 2007.

Share This

I dial The Boy and I get his voice mail: he must be jetting to his brief biz trip.

I sigh, fingering the studs in my ear, sliding the posts in and out, and say, low: “Good afternoon, The Boy, of The Boy, LLC. This is Satan calling, from Hell, Inc. I just want to confirm your appointment for eternity. If you have any questions, call me back at 1, 666, 666, 666, 0. We look forward to seeing you.”

It’s the little things we do for each other.

» Me&Ro earrings of skull studs with diamonds, $645 via Barney’s

Share This

Accused of sexually soliciting an undercover cop at an airport, Senator Craig is bouncing between fight or flight for his public post, between stories of base bathroom banging or mundane missionary in marriage faster than I bounce between lusting and loving these boss Bruno Frisoni shoes.

Sinfully black in a Garden-of-Eden snakeskin, much like the Republican senator’s political position, the Bruno Frisoni shoes’ fat platform actually only serves to have you teeter on an ambitious arch delicately depending on a pin-thin heel.

Walking on a razor-sharp line dividing unapologetic S-E-X and formal black, these Bruno Frisoni shoes are perfect for Craig-haters’ fantasies of what the senator wears on his weekends off, these Bruno Frisoni shoes are perfect for a black tie, White House dinner party, these Bruno Frisoni shoes are perfect for–

When you lean over three types of forks and whisper loud to your boyfriend that you muse on ménaging with Hillary Clinton.

» Bruno Frisoni shoes in snakeskin $825, Saks

Share This

I’ve only lived in America all twenty-some years of my life, and from what I understand Labor Day should be celebrated not laboring. But so long as Starbucks is serving iced soy green tea lattes, I’m grinding hard, prowling the web for the most boss Christian Louboutins for you lovelies, I’m positively sweating for shoes that spell S-E-X.

Like this Christian Louboutin boot.

With a long and hard heel stuck into an ambitious arch, with peek-a-boo strips of leather and fishnet melting into a passion-red sole, this Christian Louboutin boot is the perfect shoe for a Labor Day that celebrates the pleasure and profit of being a woman working for herself.

So slip on these Christian Louboutin boots, and work your tight little ass off.

Lying on your back.

…With your laptop balanced on your stomach as you innocently tickle your typepad and write the opposite-of-wet business plans.

» Christian Louboutin boot in fishnet $970, Bergdorf Goodman

Share This

Dear Kristopher motherfucking Dukes,
I have a fashion question and I thought I should ask you. Why? Because you rock so hard you make men pee in their suits. I have a matte gold dress with satin accents, deep V-neck, open back that ties at the back neck and hits mid-calf… My question: what fucking heels to rock? The thought of only gold makes me think cheese, and black is horrid.
Jax

Because you used the gosh darn “F” word as often as I do when I’m feeling romantic–with myself, likely–, I’m charmed to solve your fashion dilemma.

Gold heels would be B(eyonce)-grade cheese, you’re right. So slip on a pair of metallic heels that glimmer between platinum and gold, like these metallic Rupert Sanderson shoes. Thin straps keep the shine light so your dress and hot bod are upgraded, not upstaged. Total first date shoes, the heels are sweet sans vibing saccharine, they’re–

Motherfucking boss, right?

XXXO,
K

» Metallic Rupert Sanderson shoes $595 via Net-a-Porter.com

Share This

With the funeral of the N-word performed by NAACP delegates determined to bury “greatest child racism ever birthed,” it’s time to mourn in your best black.

A racial slur worthy of the compliment of a funeral ceremony literally attended by hundreds, virtually witnessed by millions thanks to its front-page spread on CNN.com deserves only the most respectful black, a la these rhinestone Giuseppe Zanotti shoes.

Funeral black but as showy as a Jay-Z jam about yachts and N-words, these Giuseppe Zanotti shoes are fitting for the Paris Hilton-worthy publicity and controversy-cache the N-word has received thanks to its burial (all of which will of course dissuade rappers eager for publicity from using the slur).

I can only hope the passing-on of the W-word–cough, “whitey,” cough–gets such a celebratory ceremony and pretty PR.

I’d love to break in a boss LBD that makes my white ass bootylicious.

» Rhinestone Giuseppe Zanotti shoes $650, eLUXURY

Share This

These patent-tipped Christian Loboutin boot shoes — or Christian Loboutin shoe boots — are exclusive to e-boutique Net-a-Porter, and, in my soy latte-soaked mind, exclusive to my alternate life –

I should have loved these patent-tipped, faux-buttoned Christian Louboutin boot shoes were I trapped in Harry Potter book series.

As the trampy, vampy substitute teacher at Hogwarts.

» Christian Louboutin boot shoes $925, Net-a-Porter

Share This

Your K could praise Ms. McCartney’s platinum purse for being all glammy gloss while playing PETA-friendly, I might make bloggy love to Stella’s stellar commitment to vegetarian high-fashion, but really –

Leatherless or baby lambskin, I dig this metallic, crackling canvas bag for its four-pocket function meeting high-fashion form, for its detachable shoulder strap making practical a sporty clutch, I dig Stelly Mac’s mignon, money bag –

Because it’s hot.

» Metallic Stella McCartney bag $825, Net-a-Porter

[Republished from ThisNext’s blog]

Share This

Though occasionally your K’s vision gets clouded –

Six protein bars instead of three meals? I traded the Upper East Side for LA? Rocked wedge boots instead of petite platform pumps?

– Give me a three minutes and two soy lattes, and my smoky eyes begin to clear. Brush off the bars, they’ll keep my little body hot for my boy, who makes La La Land bearable, who’s amused by my pretend-practical shoes.

And which, all rough, earthy suede, vibe right against the lucid Lucite cuff by Patricia von Musulin.

» Patricia von Musulin Lucite cuff $650, Vivre

Share This

Beauty and brawn is nice, but I prefer S-E-X meeting with smarts.

I dig Brian Atwood arranging a date between a glossy platform peep toe and the sharp shine of a see-through, four-inch Lucite heel.

I appreciate Brian Atwood’s partnership of a classic vamp with a cheeky-chic heel.

Your K likes -

Rocking the peep toe Lucite Brian Atwood shoes with a little black suit to quick biz chats over soy lattes.

» Lucite peep toe Brian Atwood shoes $890 preordered via Saks.

Share This

Outside of Manhattan winters, here’s how you get your K in jeans -

Have Giuseppe Zanotti line denim in leather, stitch it second-skin tight, found it on a 4½” heel, top it with a white leather cuff.

S-E-X with my Italiano lover Giuseppe Zanotti, glammy dead animals, and a too-tall heel?

I’m there.

» Preorder denim Giuseppe Zanotti boot $850, Saks.

Share This