Wanting.I’m no longer the last yoga virgin in LA. I gave in, and I dig it: not for the mental focus, but for the focus further placed on my ass… |
Wearing.The only way it’d be better is if it came with magical ear plugs that allowed me to hear the instructor’s directions, but blocked her granola talk… |
Hating.I can’t decide what’s most morally appalling: the disgusting design, or the fake fur. I suppose they’re one and the same… |
Wanting.A beautiful brick perfect for a night at the Disney Concert Hall — last time I was there I had nothing to throw at the conductor, as he wasted an evening better spent alone with myself, YouTube, and Beyonce… |
Wearing.In lightening pink snakeskin, this Choo clutch is a standalone bag — wear it with nothing else. And since I’m already naked, maybe we can describe it as a “lying - not - quite - alone - if - you’re - rich - enough” bag… |
Hating.Add a lollipop flecked with 24K gold, mink ribbons to tie your hair into pigtails, and mary janes covered in Swarovskis. Now you’re the prettiest princess for your 36th birthday. By the way, your husband’s banging a grown-up… |
Wanting.So subtly sweet, with a light shimmer. Highlight your collar bone, dust your chest, and sprinkle some sugar around that bikini. Eat me… |
Wearing.A kissing kit: aphrodisiac-laced lip gloss and breath freshener. I figure this is safer than roofie’ing myself up per usual… |
Hating.So a pheromone-laced firming cream is a great confidence booster. I’m just tired of checking out fat chicks. Hit the gym, ladies… |
Wanting.This bag’s the ideal chick: bold sans drama, hard not harsh, feminine but unfussy. It also only fits a condom, not any games. Your boy loves me… |
Wearing.I love that natural wood, set straight with geometric crystals. Classic Kroell, on sale. If I was okay with baby weight, I’d hand this down to a daughter… |
Hating.With its smattering of rhinestones, this clutch reminds me of when you made out with your best girlfriend in Vegas — a gorgeous mess… |
Wanting.Maybe when I’m plastic, divorced, and old (say, 25) I’ll give into the elegance of Louboutin. Till then, I’m all over Giuseppe’s quirky sex… |
Wearing.Simple, sculptural, and 52% off. Since they don’t come in other colors, buy three pairs. You’ll wear them forever. Or at least until you’re 25… |
Hating.Are they pumps? Are they boots? Are they hot? Simply since I ponder them a la Carrie from Monogamy and the City, I hate these… |
Wanting.All layers of flapper fringe, you could easily wear this as a Halloween costume. I’ll wear it to Starbucks. 20% off for 24 hours, via promo “TREATS2008″… |
Wearing.Everyone’s mom needs a little black dress. You need a great little black leather jacket. Get it 20% off until midnight, Pac time, with promocode “TREATS2008″… |
Hating.Thigh-high boots can make you look like a Pretty Woman. These don’t. Instead, you look like a hobbit. How much do you think Frodo charges for a blow job.. |
Wanting.This clutch is more flexible than the hooker you’d order if you were a man–it folds over flat into a much cuter clutch. 20% off for 24 hours, via promo “TREATS2008″… |
Wearing.Well, soon. I like elegant silk shifts in obnoxious colors. This also comes in plurple. Get it 20% off until midnight, Cali time. Coupon code: “TREATS2008″… |
Hating.I’m very tolerant of other people; I never try to change them. I simply avoid them. Which is why I’ll never see anyone I like wearing this mess of a dress.. |
Wanting.Betony Vernon “jewel tools” are a “response to all things… evil and cheap that don’t give people a chance to explore the power of the body.” Thanks, Betony, for justifying spending $700 on a tickler… |
Wearing.Most jewelry is such a chick: beautiful, boring, and a waste of money. But this Betony Vernon knuckle duster is bold and useful: flip the pearls into your palm and shake someone’s hand… |
Hating.Granted, I’m a goddamn prude, but how do you wring pleasure out of this, or even use it? These Q’s, along with, “Are those pictures of your kids?” are things that should never be asked in bed… |
Wanting.If this kit were made for chicks it’d smell funny, be priced ridiculously, and have a useless Swarovski crystal flower on it somewhere… |
Wearing.Urth sent me a jar. It made my skin tight and clear, and if it’d made me look rich I’d have wanted to sleep with myself — more so than usual… |
Hating.I’m for gender equality, so long as the housewife I buy stays in the kitchen and dudes don’t wear makeup. “Monsieur Bronzer”? Try boy’s blush… |
Wanting.I love those rough silver flowers over that crinkle gold. Wear this under a classic khaki trench coat, with gray suede pumps… |
Wearing.Private sample seller Gilt.com practically pays you to buy this slip. Click for access. You don’t even owe me a blow job… |
Hating.Animal prints are tough to do. Especially on lingerie. Especially in artificial colors. Especially if you’re not a Pretty Woman... |
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Less into f**k-me shoes and more into f**k-you shoes, writer KRiSTOPHER DUKES blogs about Yoga Mat Bags K Is…, It bags, and more. »
Because life is short. Your skirt should be, too.
"Kristopher Dukes win[s] wide praise in the fashion world..."
"[KRiSTOPHER DUKES .com is] a tightly edited daily glam fest..."
"Five-inch heels, It bags, and designer jewelry, with the occasional post about love for almost all things mink. [Kristopher is] courting PETA love."
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