يفتّش أنا يتلقّى يكون مشد. لا أن يرتدي في أنّ دافع مجنونة أن يرتدي ملابس داخليّة [ترشي] حول المنزل غير أنّ أن واقعيّا ارتديت كلّ, مثل ملابس سفليّة حقيقيّة (يقرأ بما أنّ: هكذا يتمّ هو لا عرض) وأنّ هو حقّا يتوتّر فوق, لا [ديتا] [فون] [تيس] (حسنة, ما من يختنق على ك صويا [لتّ], رجاء). حصلت انجرافي? أيّ فكرة على أين أن يحصل هو? أنا في [نك]. أنا بالأحرى حاولت هو خارجا أولى, [إفن ثوو] أنا أكون حجم 4, أنا ينمو مدمنة إلى يتلقّى الوسط بالغ الصّغر. [ثنإكس], [كريستوفر]!
[لوف] [يا]!
[إمّا]

وأنا [لوفز] أنت, [إفن ثوو] أنت تتضمّن هناك شيء غريبة حول يرتدي ملابس داخليّة [ترشي] حول المنزل. أنا سأعتبر يضع على بعض ملابس حقيقيّة أن يعمل داخل, غير أنّ قبل أن يتمّ أنا, [لت'س] وجدت أنت ساعت رمليّةك بالغ الصّغر (أيّ يكون كثير أكثر طريق جديرة أن يبدّد وقتنا من على إحسانات).

يجعل عاملة [بروفوكتيور] [سنشر] [شك] أنّ [سكند-سكين] بكفاية أن ينزلق تحت ثوبك [ليتّلست] سوداء عندما يذهب أنت إلى [وورك-لود] [وينك-ند] رئيس بكفاية أن يحزم [بوتّوندوون-] [فيرجن-وهيت]

لكنيسة في يوم الأحد.

أنت [هف جت تو] أقنعت يسوع أن عن صفح خطاياك بطريقة ما, وعلق متأنقة مع عاهرة.

[إكسإكسإكسو],

It’d be obvious to rock your fur boots with some second-skin pants and a tunic, but–

You’re not obvious. So check this boss little red dress by Karen Zambo Vintage Couture ($330). Neither vintage nor couture, it’s a simple shift in a red, sunset print, and the fresh frock will style cheeky chic against your furry boots, without being overly gimmicky.

Unlike this punch line.

XXXO,
K

» Fur boots $375 $225 via ColeHaan.com

» Want to know how to rock a leopard skirt, where to buy trashy lingerie, or the meaning of life? Email KRiSTOPHER.

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Dear Kristopher motherfucking Dukes,
I have a fashion question and I thought I should ask you. Why? Because you rock so hard you make men pee in their suits. I have a matte gold dress with satin accents, deep V-neck, open back that ties at the back neck and hits mid-calf… My question: what fucking heels to rock? The thought of only gold makes me think cheese, and black is horrid.
Jax

Because you used the gosh darn “F” word as often as I do when I’m feeling romantic–with myself, likely–, I’m charmed to solve your fashion dilemma.

Gold heels would be B(eyonce)-grade cheese, you’re right. So slip on a pair of metallic heels that glimmer between platinum and gold, like these metallic Rupert Sanderson shoes. Thin straps keep the shine light so your dress and hot bod are upgraded, not upstaged. Total first date shoes, the heels are sweet sans vibing saccharine, they’re–

Motherfucking boss, right?

XXXO,
K

» Metallic Rupert Sanderson shoes $595 via Net-a-Porter.com

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I’ve been shopping for fall 2007 since the July ended, and I can’t wait to rock my new clothes. Besides waiting for the weather to chill, when’s it right to start wearing my new fall wardrobe?

When it comes to first date S-E-X, to sipping champagne poured for cliche toasts, to boss designer duds waiting in your wardrobe, I wonder—

Why wait?

Life is short.

And your fall skirts should be, too.

XXXO,
K

» Jay Ahr dress $2,650, Net-a-Porter

» Via TopButton.com

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I need your advice. I want to find the best dress to match my fabulous shoes. It is a leopard-skin and red patent leather Guiseppe Zanotti shoe. Suggestions on the type of dress to showcase the shoe?
- Raysa

Your boss Giuseppe Zanotti shoes say it all: sex isn’t dirty or mushy.

Sex is sharp like a 4¼” stiletto, rough like leopard-print ponyskin, sex should be ambitiously arched, and–

It’ll cost you.

Just like this jersey turtleneck Bi La Li dress. A slightly second-skin cover-up set off by an open back, like your Giuseppe Zanotti shoes, the shift says you’re a freak on the streets and a lady between the sheets.

Wait, scratch that, reverse it.

Then bend it over backwards.

XXXO,
K

» Giuseppe Zanotti shoes $595 via Saks

» Bi La Li dress $400 via eLUXURY

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Hi! I was wondering if you knew of any open-toe boots? I totally fell in love with the ones from the movie In Her Shoes. (Cameron Diaz’s character wears a kick-ass pair in the scene were she gets kicked out of her sister’s house.) Do you know who the designer is by any chance? I was thinking they could be Louboutin. Not sure… Please help!

Thank you
Galaxie

The closest I could find to Cameron Diaz’s peep-toe boots in In Her Shoes are these Givenchy open-toe boots–

But these open-toe boots are sold out on Zappos Couture.

Your other options, lovely? A thickly T-strapped Gucci sandal ($382), Faith’s open-toe boots (£45/$92), or–

Figuring out how to turn Tom Ford straight, because, though my name is Kristopher and I like boys, I don’t think his sexual orientation moons around me.

How will that help you get Cameron Diaz’s open-toe boots? Not sure.

XXXO,
K

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Hello love,

I am searching for a pair of heels like what Victoria Beckham wore when throwing the first pitch at the Dogers game (Victoria Beckham: Coming to America).

Any suggestions?

xoxo,
Karina

Yes.

Say thanks to the gods at Brown’s e-boutique: Victoria Beckham’s $600 Dries van Noten sneaker wedges are sold out. But, though I’m fashion nazi in my uniform of flapper frocks, piles of black eyeshadow, and hooker heels, if you dig something and it flatters your hot bod, rock it. So scour eBay for Posh’s Dries van Noten sneaker wedges, or–

Invest your Bennies in lace-up Dolce & Gabbana shoes instead.

» Lace-up Dolce & Gabbana shoes $417 via Amazon.

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Hi, Kristopher,
1st of all, I love your website. 2ndly, I just want to ask: I’m chubby with small boobs. How do I boob-ify myself in a swim suit? (Without the product slipping out while swimming. Haha).

Thanks, *kisses*
G

You may want to pump up and pimp out your fav suit, but skip risking LaLohan-worthy slips and buy a padded swimsuit instead.

Forget a string bikini: I’m no prude, but walking nearly naked in public is bad business. Your hot body at least ought to cost a nice dinner.

I mean it should be saved for that special someone, that love of your life.

Like yourself.

So check this Victoria’s Secret tankini: navy is sleeky chic, and the top is fully lined with a push-up, padded Miracle Bra®.

» Miracle Bra® tankini $33 via Victoria’s Secret.

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I’m going to my niece’s sweet sixteen next week and I don’t know what to wear! and I don’t wanna look like everybody else with their LBDs. I’m 25 and a size 6. I also have a big chest (which is why its hard to find the perfect dress). Please help!

Thanks.

Thank you for styling different, lovely.

Some ladies think it too obvious to rock a low-cut dress if you’re rigged for it.

I say play up your best features. You’ve got legs 12 miles long? Rock a dress cut up to your crotch. You’ve got a Coke bottle figure? Keep doing that wasp-y waist silhouette, whether or not Kate Moss scrapped the look.

And you’ve got knockers? Check this Lotta Stensson dress. A classic cocktail dress, a deep V-neck is balanced by its being in chocolate brown, which is set off with a heart-strapped sash, which–

Will have you giving ScarJo a run for what makes her money.

» Lotta Stensson dress $117 via Bluefly

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Miss K:

I’m looking for a bathing suit for the 4th of July that’s cheeky chic but really sexy. Something different from the usual black bikini I wear all the time. Any suggestions?

Love,
Tila

You might have noted the retro one-pieces swimming ’round this summer. And swim gear coyly celebrating womenswear of half a century ago is way cute.

Like a burka.

So stray from the modestly dressed siren song of those who say enjoying your body is sinful, and celebrate your hourglass with a tiger-print Michael Kors bikini. The smart design of Michael Kors’ swim wear leaps through gold hoops, keeping Michael Kors’ bikini boss instead of only obvious S-E-X. And the bikini was $450, it’s now $315 at Vivre.

Yep, “was,” as in past tense, as in, “Swim wear that covers more than what a freakum dress would was chic.

“Before your mom was born.”

» Tiger-print Michael Kors bikini $315 via Vivre.com

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To the fab K.D.:

Now, I’m a glam girl with a pretty together style — I like my tops tight and my skirts swingy –, I’ve got a shoe collection that any fashionista would be proud of, and I’ve got a fabulous bunch of top-notch accesories thanks to my rich, generous, and beautiful man-candy (whose mother has excellent taste), but I’ve been wondering what kind of lingerie you’d recommend to go underneath all this glitz and glam. My man-candy has to have his reward, after all. I’m thinking retro sexy, of a size to fit a 32C. What do you say?

Much love from Dot

I say your toyfriend’s a lucky dude, and I’ll assume he deserves you, which means he’s earned checking you in this drawstring Coco de Mer bra. Let it peekaboo beneath a white wifebeater, wear it alone for p.m. play, either way the peach silk is delish melting into your skin–

Which he can enjoy more of with a tug of the drawstring.

XXXO,
K

» Drawstring Coco de Mer bra $130 via Coco de Mer USA.com

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Hey, Kristopher, it’s Frapp again. I’ve been thinking lately that my everyday style has been looking a little bland, and I was wondering how to spice it up a bit. Just any tips on hairstyles, make-up or clothes would help (though keeping in mind my school has a uniform!)
Love as always x

And I love you always, lovely.

So here’s our blueprint for boss: though we’re not all Karl Lagerfield, we don’t need an iconic look to be recognized throughout decades of posing with whatever (sh)It girl’ll keep us in the press–

Something trademark about your style, some regular feature can keep your everyday fresh. I’ve a uniform of smoky eyes, too-tall heels, and a “K” necklace, but you don’t need so full a costume. Think Vogue queen Anna Wintour’s bob, think Nicole Richie’s glammy glasses, think–

Maybe a signature as simple as always rocking a charm bracelet, like Roberto Cavalli’s bracelet.

» Chunky charm Roberto Cavalli bracelet $158 via Net-a-Porter

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Hey Kristopher,
I’m kind of stuck in between a rock and a hard place, I have some cuffed pinstriped shorts that look like this, except they’re black, not white. Well, the problem is I have no idea what to wear with them, I thought about a plain white V-neck T, but that’s just too BORING! for me.

THANKS!
Alex

Black booty shorts are the new black leggings–

Only I like them.

So rock your boss short shorts with a baby doll, baby doll, that’s just an inch too short to wear alone.

Slip on Anthropologie’s white lace tunic ($268) and leopard T-strap Fendi sandals ($392). Accessorize with a iced green tea soy latte on one hand, and a Dorothy Perkins crayon green clutch bag ($9) in the other.

French kisses,
K

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Kristopher,
I’m in complete adoration of your presentation and prose, just so you know. But on to the real dilemma(s): the two top trends, metallic and patent.

Having just invested in black patent mary janes (don’t fret, not Monsieur YSL, but an investment nonetheless), I told myself I’d be a classic lady for the rest of the season. However, I’m now coveting this little silver number, which would seem perfect for my 21st in, oh, 11 months time. Will metallic have been banished in a year? And are the patent nude platforms I’m eying to match an equally ill-advised impulse? You can’t blame a girl for trying to get organised…

Thanking you graciously in advance,
Sarah xxx.

Forgive me for getting my Oprah on–while I’m a fashion nazi in my uniform of flapper frocks, smoked-out eyes, and too-tall heels, I say rock whatever you love that loves your hot little bod back.

Metallics swing in and out of that five-minute window of “in”–but buy gorgeous, buy true to your style, and you’ll always vibe boss in it. The Marc-y Marc by Marc Jacobs dress you picked is way cheeky chic, only, as usual, dude goes Taliban and covers up a woman’s S-E-X. But if you love it, buy it, and–

Consider having a tailor scrap the sleeves and 2-3 inches of skirt. Or check these alternatives: this gold sequined Nicole Miller dress ($199) would make a great tank over tailored gray slacks post-party, and this modern mod shimmery Poleci dress ($480) is a fresh classic.

You’re on the money with nude heels for a metallic dress. And while nude heels also go in and out of Vogue, they’re really quite classic.

And stretch your legs long.

I’m eying DAVIS by Ruthie Davis’s T-straps. 4½” tall, 50% off.

» DAVIS by Ruthie Davis shoes $250 via Shop Bop.

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I’m attending a mini-fashion show in June. I’ve already bought a grey halter dress, but I need ideas on shoes and maybe a clutch. What other accessories can I include to give me that classy look and keep to the dress code: vintage without looking overboard?

Xoxo,
Raquel

Even though you didn’t sign off XXX, I’ll help you doll up, doll.

To keep your vintage vibing fresh retro instead of stale costume, your base is buying timeless pieces–little black dresses, ’50s pencil skirts, ’60s A-lines–and accessorizing with modern shapes.

So skip on rocking your frock with platform peeptoes, and keep clean with wood-grain suede Sergio Rossi shoes ($560).

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