Odio i pansies, fiori della parete che cadono soltanto via dalla parete quando vedono che qualche cosa di più forte desiderano per aderire a, sostenerli.

I fiori noiosi gradiscono che ottengono gettati via in un giorno.

Gli unici fiori che gradisco sono come le rose nere su questi Sandals del corsage del Alexander McQueen. A forma di così astuto, strutturato così con attenzione, le nubi scure piccole della bellezza unica rendono questi la sporgenza dei pattini del Alexander McQueen. Diverso dei copycats e delle casalinghe catty, le rose hanno potuto levarsi in piedi facilmente da sè.

Gli occhi largamente chiudono, immaginano:

Le rose farebbero patè grandi, di destra?

» Sandals del corsage del Alexander McQueen $1.124, Net-a-Porter.com

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Con Halloween appeso sopra, è tempo di preparare i presenti per Kwanzanukkah, per giocare selfless, -

Regalo coloro che regalo voi pienamente il la cosa migliore.

È appena il buon commercio.

Ma prima del vostro spree d'acquisto, investa in una qualcosa per lei, come questi due-tono piegato Pattini cristiani di Louboutin. Tutti dirigono nero ed il raso serio, questi pattini di Louboutin del cristiano pieg-si lega nel vostro proprio regalo.

L'arco ambizioso gli farà guardare la vostra camminata nella vostra riunione.

Ed uccidalo.

» Pattini cristiani di Louboutin con l'arco $925, Rete-un-Portatore

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Halloween è tutto il circa:

Glam di Goth e divertimento nero.

Ottenendo un periodo sopra.

Vestendo più slutty di usuale.

Quale sarebbe duro, senza questi Pattini del caricamento del sistema di Choo del Jimmy “periodo chiamato.„

Halloween felice, lovelies.

XXXO,
» Jimmy Choo boot sling-backs $1,200, Net-a-Porter.com

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This Givenchy shoe is how sex should style: playfully tough, smartly erotic, equal parts femme submission and masculine domination.

And like sex, this Givenchy shoe’s success lies in its details: an extra thick cover-up exaggerates a peep show of a peep toe, the tiny polished studs drip wet-like over a beautiful skin, and a sumptuous arch is inspired by something long and hard and–

Maybe I should stop watching porn between writing dirty love letters to you.

» Givenchy shoes $535, Barneys.com

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I’m in my second office–pick a Starbucks, any Starbucks–and post meeting I decide to wait out the storm of L.A. traffic, buoyed by another soy latte, on an island of a strip mall in, like, totally the Valley?

I float to the cashier. “I’ll have a sugar-free caramel, iced soy latte. Extra shot of gay.”

The cashier looks at me, polite. “Anything else?”

I survey the rows of pastries, against my will, and see the cookie I’ve been desert island-hungry for since my red tide rolled in days ago. “I’ll take a chocolate chip cookie, please.” He drops one into a bag, and the cookie’s little weighted noise sounds like the future echo of me hitting a bathroom scale. “I shouldn’t have one because I want to get crack whore-thin, but I’ll just throw up the cookie in the restroom later.”

His eyebrows raise into a question mark: his brows the curve, his pinched mouth the dot.

“Times like these we can’t waste a minute being unrealistic,” I say. “Also, I’m trying to get wireless internet in here for an S.O.S. back to L.A., but it’s a pain in my never-done-yoga-in-my-life ass. What am I doing wrong?”

“I can give you a brochure.” He reaches for a life jacket-yellow pamphlet that someone’s already tossed at me.

“It’s like you’re throwing me a brick as a life saver–not helpful,” I say. “Should I just throw my computer against the wall? Will that fix it?”

He finally cracks, a little smile. “Here’s your receipt.”

» Mesi Jilly shell ring $285, Vivre.com

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The Boy and I catwalk down a super market aisle, looking at food, the opposite scene of me sitting at the L.A. fashion show I’ve ditched, where I’d be watching underfed sticks runway–instead of eying models, we’re modeling suburban bliss.

Only we act like children instead of have them, The Boy’s almost old enough to be my father, and I’ve my hand down the back of his pants.

“Am I anything but a sex object to you?” he asks, his voice perfect pitched so that a shopping mother looks over.

“Of course you aren’t,” I say. “As soon as your body goes, so do I. Forget your brain and accomplishments–you’re nothing but a piece of lean meat to me.”

“That’s rather sexy.”

“You’re sexy,” I coo, squeezing his ass as he grabs a can of cookie dough.

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I’ve been looking for a corset. Not to wear in those crazy urges to wear trashy lingerie around the house but to actually wear daily, like under real clothes (read as: so it doesn’t show) and that it really tightens up, a la Dita von Teese (okay, no choking on your soy latte, please). Get my drift? Any ideas on where to get it? I’m in NYC. I’d rather try it out first, even though I’m a size 4, I’ve grown addicted to having the tiniest waist. Thanx, Kristopher!
Luv ya!
Emma

And I luvz you, even though you imply there’s something strange about wearing trashy lingerie around the house. I’ll consider putting on some real clothes to work in, but before I do, let’s find you your tiniest hourglass (which is a much more worthy way to waste our time than on charities).

Agent Provocateur makes a chic cincher that’s second-skin enough to slip under your littlest black dress when you go to work–lewd wink–and boss enough to belt a virgin-white buttondown–

For church on Sunday.

You’ve got to persuade Jesus to forgive your sins somehow, and dude did hang with hookers.

XXXO,
K

» Agent Provocateur cincher $185 via Agent Provocateur.com
» Locate an Agent Provocateur boutique near you.

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Yesterday I played domesticated cat: a call from The Boy and I hit Home Depot for rakes and pool poles for his palace, my means of bribing him to stay up later than his usual Wall Street, EST hours.

In strip-mall suburbia right off the beach, a man welcomes me to the neighborhood.

“Nice dress, mammi!”

“Thank you, sexy,” I call after him, strapping tighter the belt on my leopard-print corduroy trench coat, click-clacking into the warehouse in black peep-show-toed, Lucite-heeled pumps. I see a salesman, and I zoom in, with a businessman’s mind to save time. “Where are the rakes?”

“They are right there.” He points to the aisle just behind me.

“But I need help finding the best.” I smile, I finger my belt, I cock my head, coy. “And I don’t know what is what.”

“All right.” He climbs down his ladder, and escorts me to a rack of rakes, and I pick out a couple.

“And I also need a hoe,” I say. “But not a girl.”

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Accused of sexually soliciting an undercover cop at an airport, Senator Craig is bouncing between fight or flight for his public post, between stories of base bathroom banging or mundane missionary in marriage faster than I bounce between lusting and loving these boss Bruno Frisoni shoes.

Sinfully black in a Garden-of-Eden snakeskin, much like the Republican senator’s political position, the Bruno Frisoni shoes’ fat platform actually only serves to have you teeter on an ambitious arch delicately depending on a pin-thin heel.

Walking on a razor-sharp line dividing unapologetic S-E-X and formal black, these Bruno Frisoni shoes are perfect for Craig-haters’ fantasies of what the senator wears on his weekends off, these Bruno Frisoni shoes are perfect for a black tie, White House dinner party, these Bruno Frisoni shoes are perfect for–

When you lean over three types of forks and whisper loud to your boyfriend that you muse on ménaging with Hillary Clinton.

» Bruno Frisoni shoes in snakeskin $825, Saks

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Patent leather isn’t only for a very Pretty Woman. Patent leather–quilted into Chanel chic, in a jet-set jet, Birkin-boxy bag–is pure uptown girl.

You know, the girls who trade S-E-X for whining and dining instead of a fast flash of cash. Unlike other ladies sporting patent leather, instead of getting a grand a night, country club chicks lock in a long-term lease, they trade access to their body for access to a trust fund, Park Ave. penthouse, and a nanny for their boring babies.

All gloss and boss, just like their marriage to the dude who paid for them, this Roberto Cavalli bag is glassy class, but structured stiff and hardly romantic.

Not like when you sex yourself.

» Roberto Cavalli bag in quilted patent leather $1,790 via eLUXURY

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I’ve only lived in America all twenty-some years of my life, and from what I understand Labor Day should be celebrated not laboring. But so long as Starbucks is serving iced soy green tea lattes, I’m grinding hard, prowling the web for the most boss Christian Louboutins for you lovelies, I’m positively sweating for shoes that spell S-E-X.

Like this Christian Louboutin boot.

With a long and hard heel stuck into an ambitious arch, with peek-a-boo strips of leather and fishnet melting into a passion-red sole, this Christian Louboutin boot is the perfect shoe for a Labor Day that celebrates the pleasure and profit of being a woman working for herself.

So slip on these Christian Louboutin boots, and work your tight little ass off.

Lying on your back.

…With your laptop balanced on your stomach as you innocently tickle your typepad and write the opposite-of-wet business plans.

» Christian Louboutin boot in fishnet $970, Bergdorf Goodman

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I’ve been shopping for fall 2007 since the July ended, and I can’t wait to rock my new clothes. Besides waiting for the weather to chill, when’s it right to start wearing my new fall wardrobe?

When it comes to first date S-E-X, to sipping champagne poured for cliche toasts, to boss designer duds waiting in your wardrobe, I wonder—

Why wait?

Life is short.

And your fall skirts should be, too.

XXXO,
K

» Jay Ahr dress $2,650, Net-a-Porter

» Via TopButton.com

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With the funeral of the N-word performed by NAACP delegates determined to bury “greatest child racism ever birthed,” it’s time to mourn in your best black.

A racial slur worthy of the compliment of a funeral ceremony literally attended by hundreds, virtually witnessed by millions thanks to its front-page spread on CNN.com deserves only the most respectful black, a la these rhinestone Giuseppe Zanotti shoes.

Funeral black but as showy as a Jay-Z jam about yachts and N-words, these Giuseppe Zanotti shoes are fitting for the Paris Hilton-worthy publicity and controversy-cache the N-word has received thanks to its burial (all of which will of course dissuade rappers eager for publicity from using the slur).

I can only hope the passing-on of the W-word–cough, “whitey,” cough–gets such a celebratory ceremony and pretty PR.

I’d love to break in a boss LBD that makes my white ass bootylicious.

» Rhinestone Giuseppe Zanotti shoes $650, eLUXURY

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These patent-tipped Christian Loboutin boot shoes — or Christian Loboutin shoe boots — are exclusive to e-boutique Net-a-Porter, and, in my soy latte-soaked mind, exclusive to my alternate life –

I should have loved these patent-tipped, faux-buttoned Christian Louboutin boot shoes were I trapped in Harry Potter book series.

As the trampy, vampy substitute teacher at Hogwarts.

» Christian Louboutin boot shoes $925, Net-a-Porter

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Beauty and brawn is nice, but I prefer S-E-X meeting with smarts.

I dig Brian Atwood arranging a date between a glossy platform peep toe and the sharp shine of a see-through, four-inch Lucite heel.

I appreciate Brian Atwood’s partnership of a classic vamp with a cheeky-chic heel.

Your K likes -

Rocking the peep toe Lucite Brian Atwood shoes with a little black suit to quick biz chats over soy lattes.

» Lucite peep toe Brian Atwood shoes $890 preordered via Saks.

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