Kristopher:

Hi, Friday emergency call.

I’m a maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding overseas. The wedding is taking place in a colonial cathedral by the beach. Nice, right? Not. The dress code had only a horrific word next to it which my subconscience ignored conveniently: WHITE. The wedding is in 15 days and I have to pull off a wedding outfit ensemble that looks chic enough to have my ex (he’s gonna be the best man) drool over my virginal whiteness… May I mention I’m in New York! There’s barely any store with anything white that looks remotely decent. I need help, an intervention from the gods, a latte, anything! INSIGHT!!!

In luv with your blog always,
Em

And I’m in love with you, Ems.But before we get married, let’s get you your intervention from the gods, insight, and a soy latte rolled into one petite, chic, and smoky-eyed package –
Let your K help you style your wedding with your ex.

Too tall heels that spell S-E-X come before your requisite little white dress, always, and especially given your situation, doll. Check these Giuseppe Zanotti shoes ($595, eLUXURY), a 4.25″gladiator of a wedge, which’ll rock right with this white frock.

Now go get your beach party on, love.

Outside of Manhattan winters, here’s how you get your K in jeans -

Have Giuseppe Zanotti line denim in leather, stitch it second-skin tight, found it on a 4½” heel, top it with a white leather cuff.

S-E-X with my Italiano lover Giuseppe Zanotti, glammy dead animals, and a too-tall heel?

I’m there.

» Preorder denim Giuseppe Zanotti boot $850, Saks.

A holiday silver leather topped and lined with rabbit fur, founded on a four-inch wedge heel…

This Giuseppe Zanotti boot is:

A. This Giuseppe Zanotti boot is ridiculous.

B. This Giuseppe Zanotti boot is anti-Ugg, but still ridiculous.

C. This Giuseppe Zanotti boot is Kristopher’s early Christmas gift to herself, but still ridiculous.

D. This Giuseppe Zanotti boot is all of the above.

And still fabulously ridiculous.

» Metallic rabbit-trimmed Giuseppe Zanotti boot $800 via Saks.

Giuseppe Zanotti knows how to please the ladies.

A cognac leather is smooth, charming, and keeps this Giuseppe Zanotti boot comfortably attractive.

A rabbit trim is spoil-you-luxe, soft-to-your-touch on this Giuseppe Zanotti boot.

I’d write something along the lines of a hard 4¼” heel keeping you on your toes all night long -

But that’d be a touch much.

» Rabbit-trimmed Giuseppe Zanotti boots $1,025 at Neiman Marcus.

Maybe it’s my being the only porcelain-skinned doll around, maybe the natives can smell I don’t own flip-flops, maybe I talk a little trash about Los Angeles, but people assume I’m a Manhattanite transplant that hates on LA, though I’m actually, like, totally, from La La Land.

And I don’t hate Los Angeles.

There are exactly three things I like about the glammy beach town:

Sipping soy lattes at the Getty Center.

Ridiculously fab weather that lets me rock these spring green, cork platform Giuseppe Zanotti shoes year-round.

And -

Okay, so just two.

» Giuseppe Zanotti shoes ($270) via Amazon.com

Ooh la love.

A 4½” stiletto heel you could rock 9-5, 5-9.

These Giuseppe Zanotti shoes keep classic as pumps, turquoise suede adds a dash of sass, a covered platform means extra height from your power lunch to your peach martinis, to your -

Sitting in a cab after deciding next time you girl about town like this you’re stuffing backup ballet flats in your bag.

» Platform Giuseppe Zanotti shoes $330 at Bluefly.

Ooh la love.

Let’s take a breather from all this handbag heat, and look forward to fall with my Italian lover, Giuseppe Zanotti.

In an autumny orange, these Giuseppe Zanotti boots‘ caramel leather is the color of leaves dancing on the sidewalk, these Giuseppe Zanotti boots’ bronze four-inch heels are the color of earlier sunsets, and these Giuseppe Zanotti boots are-

The color of Los Angeles girls’ fake tans.

» Giuseppe Zanotti boots available at Bluefly