Poppie Couture clutch in stingray $650, Poppie Couture.com

The most boss, the best in life is pared down, bared down, ruthlessly stripped to its essential function for form.

Think a Poppie Couture fold-over clutch in gold stingray, an iPhone for YouPorn.com, or–

A designer dildo.

Kiki de Montparnasse 24K handcuff and key necklace $175, KikiDM.com

A wedding ring’s a simple circle, a mostly empty symbol of a life rotating ’round another.

If I had to be tied down for a man, if I had to restrain myself to please someone else–

I’d prefer they did it with handcuffs.

Zagliani Bag in 18K leather $2,495, Shop.HarveyNichols.com

If it’s defined as deserved decadence.

If it’s defined as luxury labored for.

If it’s defined as a celebration of self(ishness).

Greed still isn’t good.

Greed is great.

[Via Handbags.Luxist.com]

Jimmy Choo sandals $615, Net-a-Porter.com

Happiness isn’t a fuzzy slipper you stumble upon and slide on occasionally, to cushion you from your blue.

Happiness is a hard heel that takes poise to prance in; happiness is an ambitious arch propped by a mirror of your achievement; happiness is an earned pleasure as pure as 24K gold.

Happiness is the ruthless stripping of your life of anything unfit for the design you’re building. Happiness is–

A pair of Jimmy Choo sandals that’ll last you years, from now until you’re a rich cougar with an Italian toyfriend half your age.

Jade Jagger “Kiss” necklace $610, Net-a-Porter.com

A kiss shouldn’t be a PG peck on the pout, a stamp of lukewarm affection, a hellishly average hello.

A kiss should be a smear of passion, a pure gold payment for pleasure, a kiss should be like this boss Jade Jagger necklace: a big-ticket, rare expression of lust.

Though the necklace would look better as panties.

White Trash Charms necklace $938, White Trash Charms.com

so·cial slut [soh-shuh l sluht] noun. a person who is promiscuously nice.

Ex: He was as polite to a dumb housewife as he was to a hot whore; he tasted hamburger with the same relish as he ate filet mignon.

CC Skye “Celestial” ring $150, CC Skye.com

Sitting in the jacuzzi, I watch the steam bubble off the water black with night, the spa breathing puffs of gray floating towards golden city lights.

My seat in the hot tub is like a throne: the Los Angeles night is laid out for me, though the kingdom looks like a miniature of itself, like a smart cut of cardboard glittering with yesterday’s Christmas lights.

I watch a tiny car silently buzz along the coast, but even the automobile doesn’t scale the city for me: it all looks fake. “Can you believe that each of those lights is a home, is whole world into itself, full of people the center of their own universes?” I ask.

“You can’t see house lights from here,” says The Boy. “Those are all street lights.”

“Even way up in the Hollywood hills?” I look at a dark silhouette melting in the sky, a hump of land sunny days have shown to be a pricey mound of dirt littered with houses. The hills are freeways away, but I think if I stretch my hand far enough out of the steaming water I can grab them, and crumble their earth in my fist.

“Yeah,” says The Boy. “Look how equally spaced the lights are.”

KEEP READING »

SURevolution leaf bracelet $285, Vivre.com

This new year, take organic matter and man-make it your own.

This new year, shape the world into tools for your own pleasure and profit.

This new year, resolve to bend reality to your will, to build yourself into the person you want to be, and–

Only bother with “green” when it refers to cash.

Happy New Year, lovelies.

XXXO,
K

Disney Couture “Mirror Mirror” necklace $65, ShopIntuition.com

“What do you want to do today?” asks The Boy.

I look up from my laptop, my eyes trailing from the toe to the head of his figure stretched out on our hotel bed. “How about Starbucks?” My only real interest in Orlando, in most of Florida, was The Boy in wrinkled sheets on a work-day morning, between his business meetings. “What do you think?”

“I think we’re 30 minutes away from Disney World, so we’ve got to go. Have you ever been?”

“Disney Land, yes,” I say. “But not Disney World.” I see a flash of sticky heat, sticky hands, sticky public seats, but I blink, and decide, “Let’s do it.”

He buys the tickets online, and we shuttle over to a car rental company. The Boy feels his pants’ pockets at the counter. “I forgot, I don’t have my license,” says The Boy. “You’ll have to rent the car.”

I hand over my driver’s license. “So long as I get laid for this.”

KEEP READING »

Jimmy Choo lame bag $1,350 less than a soy latte, ideeli.com

Unless sex counts, I don’t play sports.

But I may make exception for the competitive shopping at ideeli.com. An invite-only shopping community, at ideeli you compete for 50-90% off luxury goods, plus giveaways like this Jimmy Choo bag.

I’ve got 25 ideeli invites for you lovelies.

Clicky click.

XXXO,
K