Maison Fabre driving gloves $165, Saks.com
“Let’s drive,” I say to The Boy, my boy, when he asks if I want dinner delivered or picked up. We ride his elevator to the garage, and I’m tempted to jump in the little lift. We’re out before I do, and I play police woman in my platforms and fox-trimmed coat, directing The Boy out of his dark, deep driveway, hopping into his Porsche as it warms on the empty street. As he grabs his Carrera’s stick shift, sliding gears in and out, my hand shifts to his pants, resting where each leg grinds into the other.

I pet him as softly as his thumb rubs against the sphere of his stick shift, as the black air from the ocean breaths on the city lights lining the coast. I watch him drive, feeling each time he pumps his feet in a half-second dance to switch gears. He swings wide through a curve on a cliff, while my hand hugs the circle of his thigh.

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Alberta Ferretti shoes $745, Net-a-Porter.com

“Fuck you” shoes are heels with an ambitious arch, a solid sole, “fuck you” shoes are a decidedly bold shoe you’ve earned that stands tall alone, figuratively — they’re confident like you — and literally — they style boss with just trashy lingerie.

“Fuck you” shoes mean you’re on top, whether you’re single or partnered.

And “fuck me” shoes?

“Fuck me” shoes are overpriced designer duds inviting you to get fucked by any dude you think might be able to pay off the credit you used to buy the heels.

Can I get a “fuck yeah”?

You could be a little star, cookie-cut into an indistinct blink that fast fades from the forefront, or you could be a diamond in the rough, fingerprint unique, unpolished and evolving, and unapologetically confident in your raw beauty.

You could also invest two grand in your career so that you can afford these 20-grand Diamond in the Rough earrings on your own, or you could buy breast implants and get a guy to gift you these Diamond in the Rough earrings now.

Hmm, tough call.

I mean, back to building my career…

Leave a comment if you know of a good plastic surgeon in L.A.

» Diamond in the Rough earrings $20,000, Vivre.com

Though I think the world is black and white truths and a rainbow of feeling, sometimes I see the gray: I’m confident enough to wonder if I’ll be smart enough to max out my potential, I don’t want to get locked down in wedlock but I wonder if I’ll meet anyone I’d like to marry, and I–

Wonder when these Jimmy Choo boots will go on sale.

Full retail or slashed half price, the Jimmy Choo boots are still glossy boss in a gray patent leather that’s the perfect shield for those rare rainy days in L.A.

» Jimmy Choo boots in gray patent leather $1,125, Net-a-Porter