Standing in line, Starbucksing, I heard a woman coo at her It accessory–an adopted child in designer duds–repeating regular bull before ordering her vanilla, decaf latte: “You can’t buy happiness, baby.”

You can’t? How much did your kid cost you? And your latte? (Should have done non-fat, by the by.) Happiness costs five bucks at Starbucks, happiness costs a lifetime of trading everything for achieving your own values, happiness when someone compliments your Juicy Couture charm “Boss” costs half a Benjamin and–

Probably a kid in China his childhood.

Happiness is f**king expensive.

Put it on my AmEx.

» Juicy Couture “Dollar Spinner” charm $54, Revolve Clothing.com

I’m typing to you from West Hollywood, Starbucksing, getting in touch with the inner gay man most people assume I am until they meet me.

Though, even then, my big bob, pounds of black eye shadow, and hooker heels mean maybe minutes to digest that Kristopher Dukes is a duchess, not a queen.

So I’m spending Labor Day not barbecuing un-haute dogs and swimming to drown boring conversations, but splashing in a free sea of gorgeous guys grooming-obsessed, beautiful beings who never sex to breed, I’m in a room packed with people who like it up the ass.

I feel so at home.

» Juicy Couture charm “Coffee, Tea, or Juicy” $38 via Nordstrom

After sitting down with your Mr. Numbers to figure how to feed Uncle Sam his yearly four-star dinner on your income –

Start with a of stock earnings, topped with a pinch of your interest from CDs, with a main course based around your salary, and dessert could be the cream of your mutual fund you had an itch might have better fit your IRA.

– You’re left with some skinny green for spare spending for the next few months, and a reminder to stop using some high-rate plastic money.

So make a meeting with this Juicy Couture silver money clip — when you’re stripped from that mini filing cabinet of a wallet, you’ll be carrying only bare bones.

Maybe really bare bones –

Juicy’ll take $75 for this clip.

Republished with permission from Blog.ThisNext.com

Because while you favor your time filled with pleasure for your senses, over plain dollar and cents –

Your flight to Saint Tropez for seven days of hard-earned R&R still cost more than your Chloe “Paddington” investment.

Because while you dig that pair of way-worn Juicy Couture flip-flops you secretly rock around the house, curtain closed, buffing it –

Those Juicy Couture sandals are hardly the stuff of beach chic, even in lazy La La Land.

Because you’ve been hunting for a pair of espadrilles to rock with your very little white dress, with glammy glitz to balance the straw wedge –

You’re thrilled these “San Tropez” Juicy Couture shoes‘ tags cost less than dinner at Nobu.

» Juicy Couture shoes $190 $115 via eLUXURY

I’m sure you’ve been naughty enough for jolly joe up north to gift you gorgeously.

So all you ladies have a fabulous holiday weekend.

Merry Chriswanakwanzaka, dolls.

MWAH!

Your K.

» Yorkie Juicy Couture charm $55 via eLUXURY

A “Her Majesty” Juicy Couture key chain is your perf gift to your ooh la lovely, super boss self:

Because a “Her Majesty” Juicy Couture keychain gets that you’re more than just a princess.

Because last time you rocked a crown around your boy he was slightly put off.

Because a “Her Majesty” Juicy Couture keychain keeps your co-workers straight without your having to carry a septer.

» Juicy Couture key chain $35 via Saks.

Ooh la love.

A cheque book Juicy Couture charm is charming -

Because, though you can knock Juicy Couture for slapping “couture” on slinky boybeater tanks, Juicy Couture puts out quality product (check that tiny crown stamp on each Juicy Couture charm’s lobster clasp).

Because this cheque book Juicy Couture charm would look fab rocked as a pendant on a gold necklace.

Because a golden cheque book is the closest thing to a real lucky charm in the world.

» Cheque book Juicy Couture charm $50 at eLuxury.com

Ooh la love.

From Juicy Couture velour tracksuits to Juicy Couture clothes, Juicy Couture shoes, Juicy Couture perfume, Juicy Couture womens accessory… The ladies of Juicy Couture are taking over the world, and I love them for it.

And I love Catherine, a lovely reader who’s just leaving her internship at Juicy Couture. This antiqued hardware Juicy Couture leather handbag clutch is for her.

Which is convenient, because she can probably get a deep discount on this Juicy Couture handbag clutch instead of paying a third of a grand ($350).

» Juicy Couture handbag available at Neiman Marcus.