تركت ك [شنل] إتفاق [أت هوم], سفر ضوء إلى [هوليدي برتي] ك:

ك مال, نعناع, صولجان, هاتف جوّال, وثلاثة كيس واق طية داخل [ا] تدّ [روسّي] قابض, يغلّف شظية من فضة.

استعملت المرآة جلد معدنيّة أن [تريبل-شك] بنفسي مثل غالبا بما أنّ يحبّ أنت, دون أيّ شخص يعرف.

وأنت [شوولد-وو] تنظر حارّة, حتّى جيّدة من المتأنقة أنت يكون ترقص مع.

هكذا شققته, ويتلقّى أنت وتدّ [روسّي] لقمة سريعة حالة لهو ب أنفسكم في الغرفة حمّام.

» تدّ [روسّي] قابض $325, Vivre.com

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هذا [جفنك] حذاء كيف جنس سوفت هذّبت: [بلفولّي] متينة, [سمرتلي] شهوانيّة, يتماثل أجزاء [فمّ] خضوع وسيطرة مذكّر.

ومثل جنس, هذا [جفنك] حذاء نجاح أوضاع في تفاصيله: إضافيّة سميكة يبالغ [كفر-وب] نظرة خفيّة عرض من نظرة خفيّة إصبع قدم, البالغ الصّغر يصقل دعائم يتقطّرون [وت-ليك] على جلد جميلة, وقوس فخمة ألهمت ب شيء طويلا وبشدّة [أند-]

ربّما أنا سوفت توقّفت يراقب [بورن] بين كتابة وسخة حالة حبّ حرف إلى أنت.

» [جفنك] يبيطر $535, Barneys.com

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"[فوك] أنت" أحذية كعب مع قوس طموحة, نعل صلبة, "[فوك] أنت" تبيطر يكون بلا جدال يبسل حذاء أنت قد كسبت أنّ حامل قفص طويلة بانفراد, [فيغرتيفلي] - هم واثقة مثل أنت - وحرفيّا - يهذّب هم رئيس مع ملابس داخليّة صحيحة [ترشي].

"[فوك] يبيطر أنت" وسيلة أنت تكون على أعلى, ما إذا أنت وحيد أو تشارك.

[فوك] ي و"" أحذية?

"[فوك] ي" أحذية [أفربريس] مصممة [دود] inviting you to get fucked by any dude you think might be able to pay off the credit you used to buy the heels.

Can I get a “fuck yeah”?

» Alberta Ferretti shoes $745, Net-a-Porter.com 

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This Parisian Abaco bag is like a man: you want it to mellow into maturity, to age smart, to–

Have plenty of years to get great in bed.

See the Abaco bag’s front pouch? How it’ll just fit some extremely modest pajamas, perhaps a bunny-print onesie?

That’s what I meant.

You dirty motherfucker.

» Abaco bag $635, Shop Intuition.com

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Even a boyfriend who hit 50 countries in a year was impressed with how I stuffed my “Betty Boopy shit” into a single bag for our one-week trip hitting four cities.

While flying buses aren’t excepted from my uniform of hooker heels and flapper frocks–

I pack like a dude.

And I always carry on. When you check in, you’re check yes to a risk of losing luggage, you check yes to your goodies getting fondled worse than you on prom night, you check yes to at least a half-hour that could be better spent with $10 on an iced soy latte at the airport Starbucks.

So check this carry-on Diane von Furstenberg luggage. The expandable suitcase is lined with DvF logos and a detachable toiletries kit, the pretty pewter makes the Diane von Furstenberg suitcase hard to lose sans shouting “Steal me” like a Louis print, and the boss DvF suitcase has rolling wheels, a necessary convenience when you travel alone and–

Haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.

Have a happy Labor Day weekend jetaway, lovelies.

XXXO,
K

» Diane von Furstenberg suitcase $200, eBags.com

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Dear Kristopher motherfucking Dukes,
I have a fashion question and I thought I should ask you. Why? Because you rock so hard you make men pee in their suits. I have a matte gold dress with satin accents, deep V-neck, open back that ties at the back neck and hits mid-calf… My question: what fucking heels to rock? The thought of only gold makes me think cheese, and black is horrid.
Jax

Because you used the gosh darn “F” word as often as I do when I’m feeling romantic–with myself, likely–, I’m charmed to solve your fashion dilemma.

Gold heels would be B(eyonce)-grade cheese, you’re right. So slip on a pair of metallic heels that glimmer between platinum and gold, like these metallic Rupert Sanderson shoes. Thin straps keep the shine light so your dress and hot bod are upgraded, not upstaged. Total first date shoes, the heels are sweet sans vibing saccharine, they’re–

Motherfucking boss, right?

XXXO,
K

» Metallic Rupert Sanderson shoes $595 via Net-a-Porter.com

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A five-inch heel in cognac leather that’s second-skin up to your knees means these boss Christian Louboutin boots will have you looking like a very pretty woman come fall double-oh-seven.

These Christian Louboutin boots–with your little virgin white dress–may style you so pretty a woman, that these “fuck me” “fuck you” boots might pay for themselves.

Lewd wink, wink.

Because, you know, a monk will see you on Sunset Blvd. in West Hollywood and offer to take you to a classy dinner of holy bread and alcohol-free wine that costs about a grand.

That’s what I was implying.

» Christian Louboutin boots $1,295, Net-a-Porter.com

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