あなたの休日党にChanelのあなたのコンパクトを、旅行ライト家庭で任せなさい:

aへのあなたのお金、ミント、メース、可動装置および3つのコンドームのタック テッドRossiのクラッチ、銀のスライバは囲む。

好むと知っているだれでもなしであなた自身を金属革が頻繁に三重点検するミラーを使用しなさい。

そしてべき熱く見る、あなたがと踊っている男よりよい。

従って彼に溝を堀れば、あなたはおよびテッドRossiに浴室で楽しみの速いビットが自分達である。

» テッドRossiのクラッチ$325、Vivre.com

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これ Givenchyの靴 性がいかにがスタイルを作るべきであるかある: ふざけて堅く、活発に好色で、等しい部品のfemmeの服従および男性的な統治。

そして性のように、細部のGivenchyのこの靴の成功のうそ: 余分厚い隠蔽はのぞき見のつま先ののぞき見ショーを過大視する、小さいpolishedスタッドは美しい皮にぬれのように滴り、高価なアーチは長い何かによって懸命におよび促され、

多分私はあなたに執筆汚れたラブレター間のポルノグラフィーを見ることを止めるべきである。

» Givenchyは$535、Barneys.comに蹄鉄を打つ

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「」靴性交しなさい 意欲的なアーチ、固体足底が付いているかかとは、「性交する」蹄鉄を打つあるある 明らかに大胆な靴 こと立場高いだけ、比ゆ的-それらはあなたのように確信している-そして文字通り得た-公正な屑のランジェリーが付いている主任のスタイルを作る。

「単一または組まれるかどうか」、蹄鉄を打つあなたによってが上にある平均に性交しなさい。

そして「私と」靴性交しなさいか。

「私と」靴ある性交しなさい 高値デザイナーduds inviting you to get fucked by any dude you think might be able to pay off the credit you used to buy the heels.

Can I get a “fuck yeah”?

» Alberta Ferretti shoes $745, Net-a-Porter.com 

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This Parisian Abaco bag is like a man: you want it to mellow into maturity, to age smart, to–

Have plenty of years to get great in bed.

See the Abaco bag’s front pouch? How it’ll just fit some extremely modest pajamas, perhaps a bunny-print onesie?

That’s what I meant.

You dirty motherfucker.

» Abaco bag $635, Shop Intuition.com

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Even a boyfriend who hit 50 countries in a year was impressed with how I stuffed my “Betty Boopy shit” into a single bag for our one-week trip hitting four cities.

While flying buses aren’t excepted from my uniform of hooker heels and flapper frocks–

I pack like a dude.

And I always carry on. When you check in, you’re check yes to a risk of losing luggage, you check yes to your goodies getting fondled worse than you on prom night, you check yes to at least a half-hour that could be better spent with $10 on an iced soy latte at the airport Starbucks.

So check this carry-on Diane von Furstenberg luggage. The expandable suitcase is lined with DvF logos and a detachable toiletries kit, the pretty pewter makes the Diane von Furstenberg suitcase hard to lose sans shouting “Steal me” like a Louis print, and the boss DvF suitcase has rolling wheels, a necessary convenience when you travel alone and–

Haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.

Have a happy Labor Day weekend jetaway, lovelies.

XXXO,
K

» Diane von Furstenberg suitcase $200, eBags.com

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Dear Kristopher motherfucking Dukes,
I have a fashion question and I thought I should ask you. Why? Because you rock so hard you make men pee in their suits. I have a matte gold dress with satin accents, deep V-neck, open back that ties at the back neck and hits mid-calf… My question: what fucking heels to rock? The thought of only gold makes me think cheese, and black is horrid.
Jax

Because you used the gosh darn “F” word as often as I do when I’m feeling romantic–with myself, likely–, I’m charmed to solve your fashion dilemma.

Gold heels would be B(eyonce)-grade cheese, you’re right. So slip on a pair of metallic heels that glimmer between platinum and gold, like these metallic Rupert Sanderson shoes. Thin straps keep the shine light so your dress and hot bod are upgraded, not upstaged. Total first date shoes, the heels are sweet sans vibing saccharine, they’re–

Motherfucking boss, right?

XXXO,
K

» Metallic Rupert Sanderson shoes $595 via Net-a-Porter.com

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A five-inch heel in cognac leather that’s second-skin up to your knees means these boss Christian Louboutin boots will have you looking like a very pretty woman come fall double-oh-seven.

These Christian Louboutin boots–with your little virgin white dress–may style you so pretty a woman, that these “fuck me” “fuck you” boots might pay for themselves.

Lewd wink, wink.

Because, you know, a monk will see you on Sunset Blvd. in West Hollywood and offer to take you to a classy dinner of holy bread and alcohol-free wine that costs about a grand.

That’s what I was implying.

» Christian Louboutin boots $1,295, Net-a-Porter.com

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