باتريك وسلاخة [نيكرس], Patrick and Skinner.com
[كنغرتس] إلى [دف] في [رهود-يسلند]! هو يربح $600+ من باتريك وسلاخة شوكولاطة ونعناع ملابس داخليّة.

أنا يوقن سينظر هو حارّة في هو.

شكور إلى كلّ أنت [لوفليس] ل يدخل.

[إكسإكسإكسو],
[ك]

Lulu snakeskin heart clutch $383, Lulu Guinness.com

“Charlie, do you know what the number one killer of women is?”

“No.” He knifes off a bit of spinach croissant, and looks slightly annoyed as pastry flakes fly into the air, like buttery snow. “Actually, isn’t it heart–”

“I thought it was toyfriends who were forced to watch Cashmere Sex and the Mafia Jungle,” I say. I break off a chunk of my Belgian chocolate and cherry scone, and the side of it keeps crumbling, like a rock slide off a miniature mountain of dessert. “Which would be fair. But it’s actually heart disease. And by heart disease, I don’t mean emotionalism set off listening to John Mayer singles. I mean actual heart disease.”

“I get it. I’m not in pre-med to do coke,” says Charlie. “So why are you eating that chunk of cholesterol?”

“You can hold my hair back in the bathroom while I get rid of it, right?” I ask. “And while we’re in there, I’ll take the Go Red for Women heart check-up on my iPhone.”

Heart-shaped pasties $ 138, She Said Boutique.com

Love isn’t an unconditional feeling inspired by a chubby midget with wings shooting at you.

Love is an emotion sharper than admiration, love is a fair trade of respect with someone who mirrors your values, love is the most holy honor you decide to give someone.

That is, someone you want to enjoy another four-letter word with.

Happy V Day, lovelies.

XXXO,
K

Louis Vuitton That’s Love brooch $310, eLUXURY.com

I love an alphabet’s worth of four-letter words; L-O-V-E is one of them.

L-O-V-E is often priced R-I-C-H, L-O-V-E is the power to pick your B-O-S-S, but, most importantly, L-O-V-E means enjoying a much less overused and abused four-letter word:

A lovely F-U-C-K.

But did I really need to spell that out?

Shiri Zinn dildo $1,750, Kiki DM.com

If dude’s just grinding and groaning, unminding and moaning, a quick in and out without a shout or some sugar –

Dude’s no better than a dild.

Espesh since the dild works without talking, without any risk of drama.

Or asking me about my shoes.

Vintage alligator carry-on $495, Vintage Skins.com

Anyone who tells you money can’t buy happiness has a price tag.

The person who hates money doesn’t know money is just a tool you craft while working for whatever you love, that cash is a cache for independence, that printed paper paves the expansion of your horizon, that money makes for fun when you trade it for a vintage alligator carry-on, plus tickets to Hong Kong for your 20-something’th birthday.

Along with Chinese hookers.

I mean hookahs.

Patrick and Skinner cami and knickers $630, Patrick and Skinner.com

What’s a woman but a body?

What’s a body but a bundle of nerves?

What are nerves but naked sensation, sending sensual commands between your brain and bod, demanding decisions that pay mind to matter, and that matter to your mind?

Like that choice that landed you in such a choice position, with such a choice toyfriend, in a sea of bedclothes that are more than just wrinkled sheets.

Is materialism just for mindless materialists?

Let your body pick with Patrick and Skinner lingerie — win this boss cami and knickers set* by sending me your tale about tail, about what you’d do in this lingerie.
Carb-free brownie points if it involves these.

* Contest ends February 29, 2007 at 11:59 am PST. Winner will be announced March 3, 2008.

Patrick and Skinner cami and knickers $630, Patrick and Skinner.com

Be a man.

Avoid dates described as “really nice.”

Pay for dinner, expect action for dessert.

Feel guilty about sex only if it sucks.

And obsess over women’s bodies, starting with your own.

Decorate yourself with this Patrick and Skinner lingerie — win this boss cami and knickers set* by sending me your naughtiest story about what you’d do in it.

Extra points if it involves these.

* Contest ends February 29, 2007 at 11:59 am PST. Winner will be announced March 3, 2008.