Wanting: iBrate Pro

I’ve paid more than $99 for a personal massager, and now I’m tempted to shell out a single: for $0.99 iBrate Pro offers a slow pulse, a fast pound, and “an invigorating massage.” This app is exactly what Steve Jobs had in mind when he created his uber smartphone…

Using: iBrate

I only downloaded this free iBrate iVibrator so I could blog to you about it, lovely. Promise…

Hating: iVibrateMe

iVibrateMe swears it’s “great for your ’special’ private areas.” I adore direct men, but I prefer a little more subtlety from my iPhone vibrating apps. Creep…

Wanting: Pocket Pinups iPhone App

Get a Dita’ish dame in your pants for less than a buck — Pocket Pinups iPhone app is an exclusive collection of hundreds of vintage pin-up pics, including everything from rare burlesque shots to that go-go girl next door…

Using: Hottest Girls iPhone App

Hottest Girls is an iPhone app that gives you 1,500+ hand-picked pics of beautiful broads. You can even request certain types of chicks — Megan Fox with her mouth shut? — for the next Hottest Girls update, which is free. If I was a dude, I’m not sure I’d bother dating anymore…

Hating: Corvette Girls iPhone Apps

I’m supposed to get excited about girls in Corvettes? A chick driving a Porsche goes from a six to a nine, a new rig gives her plus two, but cruising in a Corvette? Minus four…

Wanting.

That little bow above your bum is so choice. Marlies Dekkers thongs play perfectly forceful and feminine, and make you look better than naked…

Wearing.

I’m obsessed with Marlies Dekkers underwear. I just had soy matcha lattes with the publicist for Marlies Dekkers, and my favorite thing she shared? Marlies Dekkers is such a perfectionist, it takes two years to go from design to finished product…

Hating.

I only hate this thong because I don’t own it. There are few lines I’m a total whore for, that I’d buy just out of faith in the brand — Marlies is one of them…

Wanting.

Jimmyjane massage candles are great as regular candles — they burn clean and flavor the air. And they’re better as a way to ruin your sheets with hot wax. The scents are delish and unisex, and the melted wax doubles as spa-quality, massage oil…

Using.

Booty Parlor sent me their “Don’t Stop” massage candles. The curvy candle holder is easy to grip, and the sandalwood vanilla scent is sweet without being saccharine. The massage candle’s wax melts fast for a slow, hot drip that dances between pleasure and pain…

Hating

People who buy this massage candle’s cheese shouldn’t be practicing making babies…

Wanting.

I love Late Chocolate’s blindfold — binding your eyes opens you to trust spiked with risk, which can be as delicious as pleasure spiced with pain.

A silk tie would work as well, though…

Using.

Late Chocolate’s Pleasure Box houses flavored and enhancing rubs, in purse-ready packages.  A Late Chocolate Pleasure Box is discreet enough to lay open on your nightstand — but its results aren’t so quiet…

Hating.

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, and I’m flipping on this Late Chocolate perfume — it’s got this thick smell, almost like chocolate liqueur and orange. If you don’t have a signature scent yet, Late Chocolate’s perfume is worth sniffing…

Wanting.

Marlies Dekkers is the Giuseppe Zanotti of lingerie: she crafts quirky, bold, intelligent sex.

I love that rope lacing together the back of this Marlies Dekkers thong…

Wearing.

I found these on sale and bought every pair the store had. That backside poof is what a woman should be: amusing and sexy. Buy yourself a pair for V Day…

Hating.

So I’d sport this Marlies Dekker thong. The only reason I’m hating is because that print distracts from the real architecture of Marlies Dekkers lingerie…

Wanting.

Peekaboo. Buy these Kiki De Montparnasse panties (or spend $75+ any way else at KikiDM.com) and get a free gift.

Just use promocode “XXXO”…

Wearing.

Real luxury is completely inconspicuous. Like boyish, black, cashmere bloomers…

Hating.

Red lace lingerie is tough. It only works when it’s intentionally, thoroughly trashy. Otherwise, it feels cheap…

Wanting.

Jimmyjane vibrators are playfully, slyly sexy: just like these black diamonds banding a stainless steel vibrator…

Using.

Beautiful and functional, as too few women are. Scream with it at night, use it as a paper weight at work.

It works as well and as simply as it looks…

Hating.

This “Minx” vibrator — with its pink plume and Swarovski crystal detailing — is best left to chicks who think Big is a catch…

Wanting.

Kiki de Montparnasse “Cage” panty.

30% off with promocode “givelove”…

Wearing.

Kiki de Montparnasse thong.

30% off with promocode “givelove”...

Hating.

Kiki de Montparnasse bow thong.

30% off with promocode “givelove”...

Wanting

A ridiculousy sexy panty by Marlies Dekkers that would work as regular wear.

Slip it on Monday morning; why wait for a date night to seduce?

Too few people understand that they should always want to sex themselves…

Wearing

Marlies Dekkers sent me her lingerie as an introduction, since the Dutch line just launched a store in New York’s Plaza Hotel.

All intros in life should be so bold and charming.

The lingerie’s sophisticated, but simple in its purpose: it just makes you look better (almost) naked…

Hating

I love that Marlies Dekkers swimwear is an echo of her lingerie:
Plain sexy.

But you’d hate this bikini, too, if it weren’t in your size…