I hear my glossy iPhone make its old school ring, and I smile at the blocked number calling, and I answer: “What are you wearing,我听到我的光泽，使iphone的旧学校响，我的笑容在阻断号码接通，我回答： "你是干什么的穿着 pool boy池男童 ?” ？ "

“How excited are you about those toys you got in the mail?” asks The Boy. "如何激发你对这些玩具你在邮件？ "问及该名男童。

I finger the blush-pink packaging from i指的绯红-粉红色包装 Booty Parlor战利品厅 , lying on my desk.躺在地上，对我的办公桌。 “Not as excited as I was before I used them.” "不作为兴奋正如我以前我用的。 "

“Already?” asks The Boy. "已是吗？ "问及该名男童。 “Did you light candles and have a glass of wine?” "你有没有点燃蜡烛，并喝一杯酒吗？ "

“Of course,” I say. "当然， "我说。 “But within five minutes I grabbed my tits. " ，但5分钟内i抓住我的山雀。 So then I slapped myself.如此的话，我掌掴自己了。 I said, ‘Who the fuck do you think you are?’我说， '谁他妈的，你认为你是吗？ '

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“I just got a bra that’ll make my tits a whole cup bigger!” I sing into my iPhone, talking to The Boy, my boy. "我刚买了一台说，胸罩会令我的山雀整个杯更大！ "演唱到我的iphone的，说男孩，我的孩子。 “It’s so boss!” "这使老板！ "

“How many times did you go to Starbucks today?” he asks. "多少次你去星巴克今天吗？ "他问。

“Only three,” I say. "只有三， "我说。 “Anyway, this bra will satisfy me until I break into my IRA to fund my future Botox addiction.” I watch my face in a mirror, and my brows wrinkle at a shadow of a crease I find framing my smile. "无论如何，这胸罩会满足我，直到我打入我的爱尔兰共和军以资助我的未来肉毒杆菌毒素上瘾。 "我看我的脸，在一面镜子，我brows皱在了阴影一间皱，我觉得诬陷，我的微笑。 “That’s really what my retirement stash is for, because the motherfucking Lord knows I’ll be in my death bed, working, wordsmithing dirty stories while giving you a blow job.” "这是真的什么我退休stash是的，因为motherfucking上帝知道，我将在我的床上死亡，工作， wordsmithing肮脏的故事，同时也让你的打击工作。 "

“I’ve always admired your ambition.” "我一直很佩服你们的雄心壮志。 "

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Skimming over writing gig ads — no, thank you, no, thanks, no fucking thank you — I recognize a listing by The Boy’s company, The Boy, Inc. I click the email address and apply:略读超过写作gig的广告-不用了，谢谢，不，谢谢，没有他妈的感谢你-我认识到上市，由该名男童的公司，男童公司i单击电子邮件地址，并适用于：

From: K @ KRiSTOPHER DUKES .com 来自：沃顿kristopher的dukes 。 com
Subject: Applying for Position On Top, As a Sexy Secretary 主题： 申请位置之上，作为一个性感秘书
Date: October 23, 2007 4:40:56 PM PST 日期： 2007年10月23日下午4时40分56秒太平洋标准

Dear Sir:亲爱的主席先生：

I can type the opposite-of-dry business plans at 69 words per minute, while performing what is commonly referred to as a “lap dance.”我可以键入对面-的干业务计划，在69字每分钟，而表演什么是普遍被称为是一个"圈舞。 "

I prefer really, really big things, but I can also pay mind to details; I am ready to observe your office’s dress code.我宁愿真的真的很大件事，但我也可以付出心目中的详情;我愿意遵守你的办公室的着装规范。 I have black “fuck me”我有黑色 " 他妈的我" “fuck you” pumps "他妈的，你的"抽水机 which are standard attire for secretaries in classic pornography, and I’ve also a white, business class buttondown with a formal black bra peeking out.这是标准的装束，为司级官员在经典色情，我也白纸，公务舱buttondown同一个正式的黑色胸罩偷窥了。 Should my dress be deemed inappropriate, I am very open to disciplinary action involving being bound to a bed post with an Hermes tie.如果我的打扮被视为不恰当的，我是非常开放的纪律处分，涉及必将在床上，邮政与电信配合。

Very personal references are available by requests written on my stomach with your tongue.很个人的提述，也可请写上我的胃与你的舌头。

I look forward to hearing (moans) from you,我期待着听证会（呻吟）由你，
K k
___________________
Senior Pole Dancer高级极点舞者
KRiSTOPHER DUKES, LLC kristopher的dukes ， 有限责任公司

» Paul Smith “Naked Lady” cufflinks 保罗史密斯的"裸夫人" cufflinks $125, eLUXURY 125元， eluxury

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The Boy and I catwalk down a super market aisle, looking at food, the opposite scene of me sitting at the L.A. fashion show I’ve ditched, where I’d be watching underfed sticks runway–instead of eying models, we’re modeling suburban bliss.该名男童和我的catwalk了一个超级市场过道，从食品，现场对面，我坐在了l.a.时装表演我已经坠入，而我就是看着营养不良枝跑道而不是eying模式，我们'重新建模郊区布利斯。

Only we act like children instead of have them, The Boy’s almost old enough to be my father, and I’ve my hand down the back of his pants.只有我们像儿童，而不是他们，男童的几乎是旧足以让我的父亲，是我人生中我的手下来回他的裤子。

“Am I anything but a sex object to you?” he asks, his voice perfect pitched so that a shopping mother looks over. "我是什么，而是一个性别反对你？ "他问，他的声音完美的投手，让一家购物中心母亲巡视。

“Of course you aren’t,” I say. "当然你没有， "我说。 “As soon as your body goes, so do I. Forget your brain and accomplishments–you’re nothing but a piece of lean meat to me.” "尽快为你的身体有云，我亦忘记你的大脑和成就- you're只不过是一个这块瘦肉给我。 "

“That’s rather sexy.” "说的，而不是性感。 "

“You’re sexy,” I coo, squeezing his ass as he grabs a can of cookie dough. "你性感， "我的首席运营官，挤掉他的愚蠢的事物，因为他抓住罐头的曲奇面团。

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I splash my gaze on The Boy over the champagne fizz of his jacuzzi, watching him walk ’round his patio, backgrounded by a moving postcard view of Los Angeles’ coast. i溅我凝视该名男童在香槟fizz他的按摩浴缸，看他走路'轮他的天井，中背景由感人的明信片鉴于洛杉矶海岸。 Spotlighted by the sunshine is his house with empty servants’ quarters 25% bigger than my shoe box home, is his groomed grass, is almost everything he’s earned–曝光由阳光，是他的房子空公务员宿舍25 ％大于我的鞋盒里的家，是他培养了草地上，是几乎所有的东西都是他赢得了-

Including the pool he’s cleaning.包括游泳池，他的清洗。

I pull my topless top half out of the hot bubbly, so he can hear me when I ask, “What if we play out a pool boy porno?” i拉我的平头顶部有一半出热气泡，所以他能听到我的，当我问： "什么，如果我们发挥出池男童淫秽？ "

The Boy laughs, not looking up from the baby blue water he’s skimming.男孩笑着说，不找了，从婴儿蓝水，他的滑行。 “So that’s what you’re thinking about, little fucker, while I work? "这就是您想要的思考，少fucker ，虽然我的工作呢？ That’s–” that's - "

“Pool boy,” I interrupt. "池男孩， "我打断。 “Pool boy, when are you coming into the jacuzzi?” "池的男孩，当你进入按摩浴缸吗？ "

Under his surface seriousness I see a smile.根据其表面的严重性，我看到的笑容。 “Soon, miss.” "很快，小姐。 "

“I’d prefer immediately, Pool Boy.” I slap wet the Italian tiles of his hot tub, with authoritative impatience. "我宁愿马上池男孩" i拍湿意大利瓷砖的，他热浴缸中，与权威的急躁情绪。 “Please strip, right now.” "请带，现在"

“You know I prefer to pretend that I do you voluntarily, miss.” "你知道，我宁愿假装我，你是自愿的，小姐。 "

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A quick call, and I haul ass to Beverly Hills–it’s my second date, with my new hair stylist.快速呼叫，而我捡获的群丛，以比佛利山庄-这是我的第二个日期，我的新发型师。 Since I moved back to the left coast, I’ve been a salon slut of one appointment stands, doing it all over L.A., trading up from my Santa Monica stand-by to 90210 salons.自从我搬回到左边的海岸，我一直在一间发型屋贱人的人的任命停机，做全l.a. ，交易从我的圣莫尼卡的立场-通过向90210美容院。 And now I’ve met Sally, a Japanese middle-aged girl with a face rounded like my mother’s.现在我已经会见了萨利，一个日本中年女孩，脸圆像我的母亲。 Her nose is gently balled at the tip like my mom’s, her eyebrows her same soft arches, and I see the powder puffs of skin under her earthy eyes and think of the trust of paying someone to do with your head whatever they like.她的鼻子轻轻balled在尖端像我的母亲，她的眉毛，她同时软拱门，我看到粉喷的皮肤下，她的土状眼睛，想的是信任，付出有人跟你的脑袋什么，他们喜欢。

“Yes, I think you go slightly red, just with a glaze,” she says. "不错，我想你去略红，只是与釉的， "她说。 She fingers my hair, a convincing caress like her soft sales pitch that I de-virginize my brown bob with a popping cherry color.她的手指，我的头发，一个有说服力的抚摸她一样软销售摊位，我得virginize我鲍勃布朗与啪樱桃色。

“How much maintenance?” I ask, already overbooked. "多少钱维修？ "我想请问，已经overbooked 。

“It fades and grows out if you don’t like it. "这曲终人散和长大了，如果你不喜欢它。 You won’t see any roots.”你不会看到任何的根源。 "

Life’s short, like my skirt.生命的短暂，喜欢我的裙子。 Fuck it, “let’s do it.”他妈的说， "让我们这样做。 "

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I pat on porcelain powder, brighten eyes with smudges of black, crimp and coat my lashes–thrice–, gloss my lips nude, smooth my bangs with a second blow (dry) job, dab on Chanel’s liquid gold, survey my closet and decide a blue wool tank is now a dress, then strap on red light-district suede, peepshow peep toes. i八对瓷粉，照亮眼睛与防污黑色，卷曲及大衣，我鞭笞-三次- ，掩饰我的嘴唇裸体，我顺利爆炸与第二次打击（干）的工作，民建联对夏奈尔的液体黄金，调查我的壁橱并决定一个蓝色羊毛坦克现在是一个服装，皮带，然后就亮起红灯，区，人造麂皮， peepshow偷看脚趾。 And I always skip a bra–我也总是跳过胸罩-

I realized years ago it saved some time.我意识到年前，它节省了一些时间。

Sometimes the Kristopher in me hates the prissy Krissy I doll up daily as, but grooming gorgeous is only one more thing you should always do right: looking your best opens wider a window–and maybe your legs–to opportunity, it polishes your pride, it–有时kristopher在我讨厌prissy krissy i娃娃了，每天作为，但美容华丽的，只是一件事情你应该总是做正确的：寻找你的最佳开辟更广泛的一个窗口-也许你的双腿到机会，它打磨你的自豪，资讯科技

Makes you late to a last minute doctor’s appointment.让你迟至最后一刻，医生的任命。 I speed to Beverly Hills, screech into a parking space, and stroll to the office. i可到比佛利山庄， screech成为一个停车空间，并漫步到了办公室。 I loop signatures on paperwork probably okaying selling my kidneys in Tijuana, and finally meet a mediocre M.D. i环路签名用纸量大概okaying卖我的肾蒂华纳，并最终满足平庸m.d.

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I often joke I dress like an expensive hooker: the airbrushed black eye shadow, the four-inch (at least) heels, a triple-tiered, peacock-print silk dress I slip on as other girls wear their fav T.我常开玩笑i打扮像一个昂贵的hooker ：该airbrushed黑眼睛的阴影中， 4英寸（至少）接踵而至，三重层次，孔雀-打印丝绸服饰i滑移对其他女孩穿他们的范汤匙

But it’s just jest–不过，这只是开玩笑-

At least the “expensive” part.至少在"昂贵"的一部分。

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“So how much do you want me to lick you when you’re back in town?” My fingers tickle my keyboard, and I giggle as I press SEND . "这么多大，你要我舔你说话的时候，你能回来，在镇？ "我的手指搔痒我的键盘，我嘲笑我的记者发送。

“Almost as much as I want you to fix the dent you made in my truck,” flashes in reply on my MacBook’s screen, a message much too instant from my boy, The Boy. "差不多多，我想你定凹痕你在我的卡车， "闪光在回答关于我的macbook的画面中，一个信息太大，瞬间从我的男童，该男童。

“Triple exciting,” I pound back, so hard the strap on my black sheer cami slips off, floating over lacy boy-cut panties. "三重兴奋， "我磅后，所以很难背带对我的黑色纯属部长会议纸小康，浮动超过威廉莱西斯男童切内裤。

My home office dress code is business casual.我的家庭办公室的着装规范，是商务休闲。

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S-E-X isn’t a dirty deed you do in the dark with a dude.的s -电子商务x是不是一个肮脏的契约，你在黑暗中，以谷。

Sex is a lush luxury you lavish yourself with because you deserve it, sex is a selfish pleasure you indulge in with someone worthy, sex is an intelligent tool to celebrate living the life you love.性别是一个郁郁葱葱的奢侈品，你的盛情，与你，因为你值得，性别是一个自私的乐趣，你沉迷在与某人值得，性是一种智能工具，以庆祝活的生命，你爱。

Sex is a性别是一个 Lelo vibrator 莱洛振动器 , handcrafted in 18K gold, richly minimalist for a solid vibe, VIP private; and sex and a Lelo vibrator are your perfect accessory for ，手工在18k黄金，内容丰富，最低限度要求，为扎实vibe ，要人私人;与性别和莱洛振动器是你的完美附件 that boring party you’re attending这枯燥的党你参加 . 。

Make a line for the bathroom.作线，用于浴室。

» Lelo “Yva” vibrator $1,750, KikiDM.com.com » 莱洛" yva "振动器1,750元， kikidm.com.com

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“Bye– Wait.” "再见-等待"

My finger hangs above the END CALL button.我的手指挂在上述月底呼叫按钮 。

“Can you wear something kind of normal for the cocktail party?” asks The Boy. "你能不能穿的东西种正常的鸡尾酒党" ？问及该名男童。

“You mean a Beyonce-grade, sequined flapper frock cut up to my crotch, with leopard platforms?” "你是指碧昂丝高档，亮片flapper工装削减了我的裆，与豹平台？ "

“The guests will be 80 years old. "客人们将80岁了。 You’ll send them to their death if you come in your Betty Boop shit.”你把他们送到他们的死，如果你在你的贝蒂boop shit的。 "

“Have faith, friend. "有信仰，朋友。 I’ll look lovely.我会看看可爱的。 I have to go now and put on my face.”我现在就去把我的表情。 "

“All that eye shadow?” "所有的眼睛影子吗？ "

“Tah, tah.” I hang up on The Boy, and carefully create my face: I pat on porcelain powder, I super-size my eyes with charcoal shadow, I smudge beams of bright on the bone of my cheeks. "光大，光大。 " i坑了该名男童，并精心塑造富有我的脸：我拍膊头瓷粉，我的超级尺寸我的眼睛与木炭影子，我黑灰束光亮对骨我的脸颊。 Then I blend all my makeup together so my paint-by-features face softens into play of light and shadow.那么，我共混我所有的化妆共同努力，使我国涂料按功能面软化，发挥光与阴影。 I smooth down my bobbed hair, I spritz on a shower of Juicy Couture perfume, I– i平稳下来，我bobbed头发，我spritz对淋浴的多汁时装香水，我-

Am amazed I can do this in less than an hour.很惊讶，我可以做到这一点，在不到一个小时。 Finally I step into wedding-white mary janes, I slip on a cotton and crinkled chiffon frock that’s a cloud of vanilla, the flavor of the lives of guests at the party The Boy invited me to.最后，我步入婚礼-白色玛丽詹氏，我滑就棉花和crinkled戚风工装那是一个云的香草，风味的生命客人在党的男孩邀请我。

It was his dressy-casual, SoCal social scene debut in expensive suburbia on the coast, a mini village of McMansions owned by the retired or near retired, and The Boy’s inviting me to his new neighborhood mixer came with his request I lighten my use of mascara and the word “fuck.” “Hmm.这是他在dressy临时工，社会socal现场亮相昂贵郊区居民对海岸，一场小型村mcmansions所拥有的已退休或接近退休了，该男童的邀请我到他的新居委会搅拌机来到他的要求，我照亮我的使用媚妍睫毛液，并用"他妈的。 " " hmm的。 I can do social scripting,” I reassured The Boy.我所能做的社会脚本， "我保证，该名男童。 “I’m rusty on that ‘And how do you do’ bull shit, but I can handle it. "我已经生锈就'和你怎么做的'牛市shit的，但我可以处理它。 You mostly see my Hyde, but I can play Dr. Jekyll, too.你多半看到我的海德，但我可以发挥博士jekyll也是如此。 All Prozac pretty smiles and cliche conversation.”所有百忧解漂亮的笑容和俗套的交谈。 "

“Perfect,” he said. "完美， "他说。

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“Stop,” says The Boy. "不要说： "该名男童。 “I’ve got to work.” "我要有工作"

I (teddy)bear hug him, struggling to pull him back into bed, and even though I work out 13 girly push-ups a day, he gets an edge on my fed-on-salads frame.我（谢林汉姆）紧拥抱他，奋力拉他回床，即使我工作了13 girly做俯卧撑，每天，他获得优势，我的加于沙拉帧。 “Just five minutes!” "短短5分钟！ "

“Are you trying to rape me, fucker?” He rolls out of my grasp, and hits his floor on all fours, and starts sorting his private landfill of Wall Street Journal s and bills and unopened envelops. "你想强奸我， fucker ？ "他卷出我的掌握，并点击他的地板上的所有四名，并开始整理他的私人填埋华尔街日报 s和票据及未开启信封等。

“You’re begging for it, in that tight little shirt, you pussy-tease. "你乞求它，在这紧小上衣，你pussy -捉弄。 So come back to bed,” I beg, barely audible.所以回来睡觉， "我恳求，勉强发声。 “Only for a few minutes.” "只有几分钟。 "

“No, you temptress. "不，你引诱。 I’ve got too much to do today.”我已经得到太多了，今天做的。 "

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Most people are surprised when I tell them I’ve never snorted coke off a model’s stomach in Brazil, that I haven’t puffed pot, that I barely, rarely drink ____tinis.大多数人都感到惊讶，当我告诉他们我从来没有吸入焦炭小康示范的胃在巴西，我没有膨锅，我几乎没有，也很少喝酒____tinis 。 They don’t understand how I’ve kept my D.A.R.E.他们不明白我如何仍保留着我的d.a.r.e. promise but say things in public that make people look at me like I speak French.承诺，但说的东西在公开场合，使人们看我像我讲法语。

So when I considered generic Prozac — the essence of doctor-prescribed Fancy Pink Pills for Chicks™ — to kill my PMDD (short for “Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder,” short for motherfucking bad PMS that turns my Porsche ‘07 911 brain into an ‘89 Honda Civic), I questioned how the drug would do me.因此，当我认为是通用百忧解-本质医生处方花式粉红丸鸡苗™ -杀死我的p m dd（简称"经前抑郁倾向错乱"，简称mo therfucking坏制订，可以将我的保时捷20 07年的9 1 1大脑成为一个'8 9本田思域） ，我质疑如何药物会尽我。

But after months of capping six soy lattes with twenty Red Bulls without denting my mental fatigue, I cash in my prescription.但经过数个月的上限， 6个酱油lattes与二十红色公牛无凹我的心理疲劳，我的现金，在我的药方。 I scan the tiny print Rite Aid provided: “Pills may lessen sexual desire,” — I laugh, I doubt it — “may cause anxiety, may cause suicidal thoughts, may cause depression.扫描小小的打印成年礼提供的援助： "丸，可降低性欲， " -我笑，我对此表示怀疑- "可能造成的焦虑，可能导致自杀的想法，可能导致抑郁症。 If you hear ringing in your ears and want to stab someone with your five-inch stiletto, call your physician.”如果你能听到铃声，在你的耳朵，要刺有人与你的5英寸stiletto ，打电话给你的医师。 "

Fascinating.引人入胜。

I swallow a baby blue pill for breakfast.我吞下婴儿蓝丸早餐。 And I still feel tired after 2 p.m., after three trips to Starbucks, after a designer energy drink, I still–我仍然感到疲倦后， 2时，经过3个班次，以星巴克，经过设计师能量饮料，但我仍然-

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Living in Los Angeles, on the short (out)skirts of civilization, I’ve come hard to a super spiritual revelation (it cost only $0.40 extra with my fair-trade, organic, sugar-free hazelnut soy latte at Urth Caffe in West Hollywood):住在洛杉矶，对短期（出）裙子的文明，我来努力，以一个超级的精神启示（它的成本只有$ 0.40课外与我公平贸易，有机，无糖型榛子酱油后者在urth caffe在西好莱坞） ：

Value understands its worth, most priceless stuff has a heavy price, so it follows as naturally as the birds and the bees—价值理解它的价值，最无价的东西了沉重的代价，所以如下顺其自然，鸟和蜜蜂-

You can only get sex with substance by paying for it.你只能获得性与物质所支付的。

Get to know—in the Biblical sense, lewd wink—结识-在圣经意义上说，猥亵瞬- Jimmyjane’s Little Something vibrator jimmyjane的小东西振动器 , a sliver of silver etched with birds and bees, inspired by carpe diem -era illustrations, cored with the soul of an everlasting motor. ，高贵的银色蚀刻与鸟类和蜜蜂，灵感来自carpe补贴时代的插图，芯与灵魂，是一个永恒的发动机。

Can I get a “Fuck to the yeah”?可我碰到一个"他妈的到啊" ？

I think I’m entering my longest relationship yet.我认为我进入我国最长的关系，但。

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T here’s more “why” to my working from home than the separation anxiety I feel for my espresso machine, besides being able to make money from nine to five, five to nine in trashy lingerie. 吨这里的更多的"为什么"我在家工作，比分离焦虑，我觉得我的浓缩咖啡机，除了能赚钱，从朝九晚五， 8时55分在trashy内衣。

I hustle from home because Los Angeles traffic is soul sucking. i周星驰不在家，因为洛杉矶的交通是灵魂吮吸。

And I don’t even have a soul.我不连一个民族的灵魂。

I dial The Boy–who has noted the ridiculousness of being referring to as “The Boy” when he’s almost twice my age–while I’m on Laurel Canyon Blvd., a road that winds through the Hollywood hills into a scenic parking lot come 5 p.m. “Did you hit traffic yet?” i拨号男童谁也注意到滑稽被指为"男孩"时，他的近两倍，我的年龄，而我对劳雷尔峡谷友情。 ，一条道路风透过好莱坞山成为一个风景优美停车很多来时至下午五时"你有没有击中交通吗？ "

“Yes.” "是的。 "

“Do you want to stab yourself yet?” "你想刺伤自己吗？ "

“Yes,” he answers. "不错， "他的答案。 “Can you do me a favor?” "你能不能做我的恩赐吗？ "

“Tell me what it is first.” "告诉我什么是先"

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