Fendi Hologram clutch $722, Trendora.com

You’ve got two more weeks to win a Fendi hologram clutch. The best things in life aren’t free, so while I’m giving away a Fendi hologram clutch* with e-boutique Trendora™, it’s no random drawing.

You’ve got to sign up here and tell us why you deserve this boss Fendi clutch.

Entries don’t need to be epic like those VOGUEs that weigh more than you: just name drop Heidi Fleiss, link to a YouTube vid full of lap dances and dirty talk, and you’re a likely winner.

As always, you ladies really make me want to touch myself touch me.

XXXO,
K

* Contest ends December 31, 2007. A winner will be chosen January 1, 2008.

Jimmy Choo lame bag $1,350 less than a soy latte, ideeli.com

Unless sex counts, I don’t play sports.

But I may make exception for the competitive shopping at ideeli.com. An invite-only shopping community, at ideeli you compete for 50-90% off luxury goods, plus giveaways like this Jimmy Choo bag.

I’ve got 25 ideeli invites for you lovelies.

Clicky click.

XXXO,
K

Barbara Bui boot $745 $670 with promocode “kristopher” *, ShopJake.com

Life’s not a bitch, life’s a beautiful woman with legs ready to spread.

Because of brain, you can dine with her on animals twice as brawny as you, without any more effort than lifting your little finger for a waiter.

You can bed her in a flat higher than fowl fly, you can travel with her faster than a cheetah, you can–

Dress for life in an urbane Barbara Bui boot, made of three different beasts: black suede, black fox fur, black patent leather.

The Barbara Bui boot’s 4½” heel is all ambitious arch, like life should lie down and curve her back for you.

It’s good to be on top–of the food chain.

* GET 10% OFF SHOPJAKE.com WITH PROMOCODE “KRISTOPHER” UNTIL JANUARY 1, 2008.

Fendi Hologram clutch $722, Trendora.com
Give yourself a happy Christkwanzhanukkah, and sign up to win a Fendi hologram clutch. The best things in life aren’t free, so while I’m giving away a Fendi hologram clutch with e-boutique Trendora™, it’s no random drawing.

You’ve got to sign up here and tell us why you deserve this boss Fendi clutch*.

Entries mentioning making more money than god and/or a personal life goal of always wanting to have sex with yourself receive special consideration.

As always, you ladies really make me want to touch myself touch me.

XXXO,
K

* Contest ends December 31, 2007. A winner will be chosen January 1, 2008.

Fendi Hologram clutch $722, Trendora.com

The best things in life aren’t free, everything priceless is never priced less: think an early exit in a f**k-you shoe, think driving a buck-fifty in a Porsche, think…

Sex.

So I’m giving away a Fendi hologram clutch with e-boutique Trendora™, but this time it’s no random drawing. You’ve got to sign up here and tell us why you deserve this boss Fendi clutch*.

Entries mentioning lap dances for the girl named Kristopher who speaks of herself in the third person receive special consideration.

Consider this a holiday thank you for you lovelies reading all the time. It really makes me want to touch myself touches me.

XXXO,
K

* Contest ends December 31, 2007. A winner will be chosen January 1, 2008.

Bulgari B.ZERO1 ring $1,500, Bulgari.com
MySpace is full of porn bots.

Friendster lets your grandma check your dirty photos.

And Gilt Groupe? It’s a country club of social networks. Invite-only Gilt Groupe gives you access to one-day-only, online sample sales. Think Zac Posen bags for $500, Lorelei purses on sale December 4, and Bulgari below retail December 11.

First 500 to sign up get VIP access for free.

Click click.

XXXO,
K

The winner of the $50 Gifts.com gift certificate–which you can swap for credit at Starbucks, Bloomies, Barnes & Noble, H&M, and more–is Zmaji, of HauteBlogXOXO.

And, as mentioned at the beginning of the giveaway, she does not owe me a sexual favor.

Though I’ve explicitly given her my office number.

And details about the type of thong I prefer on lap dancers.

Thanks to everyone for reading and entering. An even better giveaway is coming December.

XXXO,
K

» Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love a Porn Star $26, Barnes and Noble .com

You’ve got two more days to win a $50 Gifts.com gift certificate*, which you can swap for credit at retailers like Starbucks, Bloomies, Barnes & Noble, H&M, and more.

Email contests @ KRiSTOPHER DUKES . com to win.

Most boss gift for the holidays, right?

And unlike that dude who gifted you a Touch iPod, I don’t even expect you to give me brain in exchange.

XXXO,
K

» Starbucks sugar-free hazelnut double soy latte, $1,999+ tax, Starbucks.com

* Contest ends November 22, 2007, 12:00 a.m. PST. One randomly drawn winner will be announced November 22, 2007.

I’m giving away a $50 Gifts.com gift certificate*, which you can swap for credit at retailers like Starbucks, Bloomies, Barnes & Noble, H&M, and more.

Email contests @ KRiSTOPHER DUKES . com to win.

Bossest gift for the holidays, right?

And unlike that dude who gifted you a Touch iPod, I don’t even expect you to give me brain in exchange.

XXXO,
K

» Dirty Talk: Speak the Language of Lust, $11, Barnes & Noble

* Contest ends November 22, 2007, 12:00 a.m. PST. One randomly drawn winner will be announced November 22, 2007.

A little bit country club, a little bit rock n’ roll.

A lotta bit boss.

And discounted.