I’m so smart my ass has a higher IQ than the last dude I sexed, so I celebrated my brain prancing ’round my home office in a “smart ass“-stamped thong.

A panties slogan so more seductive than an obvious “EAT ME,” the thong made me slap my own ass, and now I’m suing KRiSTOPHER DUKES, LLC for sexual harassment.

Even though I secretly liked it.

» Smart Ass Gals “Smart Ass” thong $22, Smart Ass Gals .com

» Use promocode “kdgalpal” and get 20% orders of $50+, plus get free shipping if you spend $75+ at SmartAssGals.com*

* Offer expires December 31, 2007

Just like those Pretty Women on Sunset Blvd., these goodies from ASOS are S-E-X on the cheap.

Only a little safer.

And likely less exciting for your boy.

With an unstained wood wedge, with a graceful, femme arch, and with dainty swirls and curls of writing inked in the black and white of your morals, no one’ll ever know why these knotted Nanette Lepore shoes are so “naughty.”

Unless dude at the bar leans close to your feet to read the writing, an inspection which somehow involves his looking up your skirt, and–

You kick him.

Then he might get why these boss Nanette Lepore shoes are naughty.

» Nanette Lepore shoes $465 $232 via Nordstrom

Christian Louboutin shoes for less than I spend Starbucksing in a month?

That’s actually not so boss, not so amazing.

Let’s rephrase, lovelies.

Louboutins for less than two Benjies?

Mmmhmm.

XXXO,
K

» Christian Louboutin shoes $155 via Barneys.com

You’re more likely to leave sunglasses in the car and sit on them than Paris Hilton is to do so to her Tinkerbell, than Nicole Richie is to do to her baby.

So stock up on cheap Forever 21 sunglasses, which are just as boss as an iced green tea soy latte for summer.

Cheaper, too.

» Cheap sunglasses $5 via Forever 21.com

Just because LiLo’s top is half off doesn’t make her hot, and–

Same goes for metallic Marc-y Marc Jacobs flats.

You deserve only the most boss from Barney’s sale, lovelies.

Though sashimi is delish, eel-skinned clutches deluxe, and little sharkskin frocks divine to rock, like any boss lady, I’m wary of things fishy. Dudes heavy dishing compliments, dolls lightly selling themselves short, and p.m. play plumped with hype smell a touch much like the Atlantic Ocean to me.

As does investing in a fish-scale Alexander McQueen “Novak” bag for more than 50% off, no matter how “mini” it is.

Vibing too good to be true –

Your K’s afraid it is.

Tagged “Sold out,” ladies, I suppose I’ll play real world instead of runway, I’ll stash my cash in stock instead.

Or stock up on other goodies at Net-a-Porter’s midseason sale.

Give me a double soy latte to decide.

» Mini Alexander McQueen “Novak” bag $566 via Net-a-Porter

Half way into January, dolls, and it’s still a fresh a new year -

Maybe you’ve spent your first 15 days of two-double-oh-seven resolving to keep your resolutions -

Maybe you’ve been hustling smarter, playing harder, saying tah-tah to ugly unneccessaries, saying hello to gorgeous opportunities you’ve earned -

Like 15% off Style-Scene.com via promocode “oohlalove.” *

» Tulina Pasque bag $350 $297.50 via Style-Scene.com

* Offer good until January 31, 2007.

Ooh la love, these lace-up Antonio Berardi “Nocciola” boots are your perfect post-Thanksgiving indulgence, because:

This lace-up Antonio Berardi boot’s four-inch heel has you watching you walk, keeping you on your toes, glamming up your gams after two too many pumpkin soy lattes.

This Antonio Berardi boot is laces up tighter than your summer’s corset belt, especially after Mom’s pecan pie.

This Antonio Berardi boot – and all other shoes and bags at the highly-edited Marky boutique – are 10% with promocode “kristopherdukes”.

» Lace-up “Nocciola” Antonio Berardi boot $659 $593.10 at ShoesByMarky.com

With holidays right ’round the corner, it’s time for your winter fling.

And while dirrty spice is nice, why not keep your fun pure, clean, spotlessly white?

Like your name.

Ooh la love, so you’ve got a few holes in it?

Mine’s all neon pink, so I won’t talk.

Instead I’ll see those holes as intentional perforation, as chic texture reflected in your every move.

‘Cause perfectly white is perfectly boring, anyway.

» Deux Lux perforated bag $72 via JanesCloset.com

» Get 15% off JanesCloset.com with promocode “kristopher” or “oohlalove”.

Discount valid until the end of November 2006.