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$200 ÀÌÇÏ

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02.Jan.2008, 07:44 pm

´« °¡¸®°³¸¦ ÇÑ Coco de Mer $60, Coco de Mer USA.com
coco de Mer Blindfold

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"ÇÏ´Â." ³ª´Â Â÷°í·Î, ¿¡¼­ ¹ÛÀ¸·Î ÀÛÀº »ó½Â, À§·Î ¶Ú´Ù. ³ª´Â ¾îµÎ¿î º®¿¡ ´ëÇÏ¿© ´À³¢°í, ³ª°¡ ¸¸Áö´Â ´ÜÃßÀÇ Ã¹¹øÂ° È帲À» ´©¸¥´Ù. ¸¶È£°¡´Ï ¹® ÇÏǰÀÇ ÇѰ³´Â ¹«°Å¿î Ŀư ÀϾ±â °°ÀÌ, ¿¬´Ù. I see The Boy waiting for me, though I¡¯m out of his line of vision, like an actress paused in the wings of a stage. ¡°Want to play dress up?¡± I ask.

"³ª´Â Á¦°ÅÇÑ´Ù ¾²·¹±â¸¦ `¸¦ ³î°í ½Í´Ù,'" ¼Ò³âÀ» ¸»ÇÑ´Ù. "³ª´Â ´ç½ÅÀ» º¼ ¼ö ¾ø´Ù. °÷¿¡ ÀÖ´Â ´ç½ÅÀÌ?"

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À̰ÍÀ» Æò°¡ÇϽʽÿÀ 1°³ÀÇ º°2°³ÀÇ º°3°³ÀÇ º°4°³ÀÇ º°5°³ÀÇ º° (6°³ÀÇ ÅõÇ¥)
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Near Terrifying

28.Dec.2007, 08:31 pm

¡°Tiffany¡± grenade charm bracelet $130, Elsewares.com
Grenade Charm Bracelet
¡°Want to get a pizza?¡±

¡°Sure,¡± I say, without looking up at The Boy. I put down my MacBook, and check my reflection: my bobbed hair¡¯s carefully disheveled, my lingerie romper a crisp black and white. I grab my iPhone and wallet, and– ¡°I just have to get my shoes downstairs.¡±

¡°Don¡¯t bother.¡± The Boy walks into one of his closets, and pushes the button to call the elevator. On the way out he tosses pink, Made-in-China flip-flops at me. The sandals rest on his Persian rug; I stare at them.

¡°No way am I wearing one of your ex-hoe¡¯s shoes.¡± I wrinkle my face. ¡°Especially when they¡¯re flip-flops.¡±

¡°Just put them on,¡± he says. ¡°You won¡¯t even get out of the car.¡±

I tie tight my belted camel coat, rubbing my cheek against the fox fur collar. I finally slip on the rubber sandals. Over the elevator¡¯s rumbling as it rises to our floor, I hear The Boy chuckling in the closet. ¡°Oh, don¡¯t come in here yet. I haven¡¯t worn this in forever.¡± I hear some shuffling. ¡°Okay, you can look.¡±

The Boy walks into his bedroom¡¯s low light, and his Greek bust of a body is covered completely by a brown robe dusting the floor. The dirt-dyed fabric is shapeless, except for a peaked hood that swallows his white face into a shadow.

¡°From Saks?¡± I ask.

¡°Turkey,¡± he says, grinning. ¡°It¡¯s actually incredibly warm. I wore it on the plane home, and the other passengers looked worried, like I¡¯d been praying to Allah.¡±

¡°Beautiful, Binnie,¡± I say. I hold the door open, following him into the elevator, almost like a meek wife. ¡°Let¡¯s roll.¡±
KEEP READING »



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Cleaning Up, Dirty

26.Dec.2007, 07:37 pm

Demeter ¡°Dirt¡± cologne $20, DemeterFragrance.com
Demeter Dirt Cologne
¡°I am so dirty.¡± says The Boy, sweat patterning his plain T-shirt, a smudge of mud coloring his cheek.

¡°Not as dirty as me.¡± I brush a speck silvery eye shadow from my black wool, drop-waist coat, my eyes touch the tips of my virgin white peep-toe stilettos, I check my brushed-on, school-girl blush in a gilt mirror while The Boy¡¯s looking away.

¡°I was in the garden,¡± he says, voice muffled as he drags off his shirt. ¡°I dug up a lily for my neighbor this morning.¡±

¡°I bought a five-dollar soy latte for myself this morning,¡± I counter.

¡°That¡¯s productive and generous of you.¡±

¡°I do what I can for the US economy,¡± I say. ¡°Consumer spending is down, especially in markets that rip off upper middle-class people.¡± I trail The Boy into one of his bathrooms, a marble rectangle of space as large as my Los Angeles flat. As soon as he closes the glass shower door, I press my face to it. ¡°Dance for me, baby. Once you get the water going, I want you to do this.¡± I rub my bra-less bust, I lick my polished lips, I wink, lids lowered with layers of mascara.

He turns the water on, and the shining wet slicks down his chest, beading in his hairs, highlighting bones and lean muscle.

¡°Now work your Christmas package like a UPS man,¡± I say, my fists bouncing against the glass. ¡°Only with some feeling. It¡¯s the holidays, god-dammit.¡±

KEEP READING »



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The Feminine Mistake

24.Dec.2007, 08:27 am

Stuart Weitzman shoes $200, Bloomingdale¡¯s
Stuart Weitzman shoes

¡°Thanks for dinner, sexy.¡± I kiss The Boy, my boy, my lips stamping Chinese tea on his stubbled cheek.

¡°Twenty bucks,¡± reads The Boy, signing the check. ¡°You¡¯re the most low maintenance chick ever.¡±

I pat my carefully curled bobbed hair, I dab my polished nude lips with crisp linen. ¡°I try.¡± While The Boy fishes for the waiter¡¯s attention, I eye my eyeliner in the mirror of my porcelain powder compact.

¡°Do you know how many chicks would bum about coming to this Schezwan hole in the wall,¡± continues The Boy, ¡°wishing I¡¯d take them to Nobu instead?¡±

¡°Ridick,¡± I say. ¡°Tell the hoes to book the reservation and pay for dinner, then.¡± I stab at kung pao chicken, letting the little piece sit a second in my mouth. ¡°And then, tell the chick if she¡¯s charming enough, at the end of dinner you¡¯ll consider giving her brain.¡±

¡°I only realized 10 years ago,¡± he says, ¡°how screwed up it was that girls thought they were doing me a favor, letting me buy them dinner, giving them a good time so they could decide whether or not they wanted to blow me.¡±

¡°It¡¯s insane,¡± I say. ¡°Women can make just as much money as any dude now. There¡¯s no glass ceiling. Why should a man pay for everything?¡± I smash my fortune cookie, its crumbs contained neatly in its plastic wrapper. I pull out the sliver of paper: You will do well in your own business.

¡°Seriously,¡± says The Boy. ¡°If you had a twin sister who was an exact clone of you, but already way loaded and she paid for everything, I¡¯d dump you for her.¡±

¡°Do you really mean that?¡± I ask. I grind The Boy¡¯s fortune cookie into the glass table: You value your morals over money. ¡°I completely understand. That¡¯s why we¡¯re together: because I¡¯d dump you for her, too.¡±



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C*nt Necklace

21.Dec.2007, 01:27 pm

¡°C*nt¡± necklace in silver $88, Paramorj.com
Cunt Necklace

Respect isn¡¯t making up your public face nice, respect isn¡¯t posing pretty for politics, respect isn¡¯t saving catty chat for behind a bitch¡¯s back.

Respect is a fair trade of admiration, respect is currency between people with pride in their living values, respect buys what¡¯s not for sale.

Respect pays for truth with truth, respect is honest, and respect would tell you:

Being politically correct is gay.



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Mirror, Mirror

18.Dec.2007, 09:20 pm

Disney Couture ¡°Mirror Mirror¡± necklace $65, ShopIntuition.com
Disney Couture Necklace

¡°What do you want to do today?¡± asks The Boy.

I look up from my laptop, my eyes trailing from the toe to the head of his figure stretched out on our hotel bed. ¡°How about Starbucks?¡± My only real interest in Orlando, in most of Florida, was The Boy in wrinkled sheets on a work-day morning, between his business meetings. ¡°What do you think?¡±

¡°I think we¡¯re 30 minutes away from Disney World, so we¡¯ve got to go. Have you ever been?¡±

¡°Disney Land, yes,¡± I say. ¡°But not Disney World.¡± I see a flash of sticky heat, sticky hands, sticky public seats, but I blink, and decide, ¡°Let¡¯s do it.¡±

He buys the tickets online, and we shuttle over to a car rental company. The Boy feels his pants¡¯ pockets at the counter. ¡°I forgot, I don¡¯t have my license,¡± says The Boy. ¡°You¡¯ll have to rent the car.¡±

I hand over my driver¡¯s license. ¡°So long as I get laid for this.¡±

KEEP READING »



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Designer Bags, Shoes 50-90% Off at ideeli

17.Dec.2007, 01:12 pm

Jimmy Choo lame bag $1,350 less than a soy latte, ideeli.com
Jimmychoo bag giveaway

Unless sex counts, I don¡¯t play sports.

But I may make exception for the competitive shopping at ideeli.com. An invite-only shopping community, at ideeli you compete for 50-90% off luxury goods, plus giveaways like this Jimmy Choo bag.

I¡¯ve got 25 ideeli invites for you lovelies.

Clicky click.

XXXO,
K



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Flying High

11.Dec.2007, 10:49 am

Zoe & Morgan cloud necklace $180, Net-a-Porter.com
Zoe & Morgan Necklace

¡°Mind if I sit near the window?¡± The Boy, my boy, nods his assent, so I squeeze his ass and slip into the leather seat.

The jet slides inside the sky, and gravity pushes me against my chair: soft as a bed, I feel it from heel to head. We¡¯re angling into the air, entering the blue blurring with the Pacific. I watch the earth fall off, like a silk nightie slipping to the floor, and the outside shrinks: the ocean waves smooth into regular rolls, then tiny splashes, and finally just a pretty pattern played up by the sun. Just a product for my pleasure.

We keep climbing.

KEEP READING »



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Dic(k)tionary: Splenda Daddy

10.Dec.2007, 08:12 am

Alissia Melka-Teichroew ¡°diamond¡± ring $125, MoMA Store.org
Fake Diamond RingSplen¡¤da dad¡¤dy [splen-dah dad-ee] noun 1. a rich boyfriend who makes you earn your keep. 2. a boyfriend who¡¯s as vain as you, so the relationship is all dirty workouts and zero calories.

Ex: Jane¡¯s Splenda daddy never pays for her soy lattes.



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NARS The Multiple

05.Dec.2007, 09:39 pm

NARS The Multiple $37, NARS Cosmetics.com
NARS The Multiple

Good things come in three: shots of espresso, rich husbands, and –

Orgasms, orgasms, orgasms.

Sex — like life — should be satisfying to the third power, it should be beautiful and beautifying, making lust should be a rush of a rosy.

Though, should you ever tire, fake it.

Rub against your skin a stick of NARS The Multiple. Based on NARS ¡°Orgasm¡± blush, The Multiple is a make-up ménage à trois for your cheeks, lips, and eyes.

Reminds me, got to call the girlfriend for a night in with The Boy.

You know, Scarface, poker, and pillow fighting in marabou slippers.

Then maybe reading the Bible out loud.



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Driving Without Gloves

28.Nov.2007, 06:41 pm

Maison Fabre driving gloves $165, Saks.com
Maison Fabre Driving Gloves¡°Let¡¯s drive,¡± I say to The Boy, my boy, when he asks if I want dinner delivered or picked up. We ride his elevator to the garage, and I¡¯m tempted to jump in the little lift. We¡¯re out before I do, and I play police woman in my platforms and fox-trimmed coat, directing The Boy out of his dark, deep driveway, hopping into his Porsche as it warms on the empty street. As he grabs his Carrera¡¯s stick shift, sliding gears in and out, my hand shifts to his pants, resting where each leg grinds into the other.

I pet him as softly as his thumb rubs against the sphere of his stick shift, as the black air from the ocean breaths on the city lights lining the coast. I watch him drive, feeling each time he pumps his feet in a half-second dance to switch gears. He swings wide through a curve on a cliff, while my hand hugs the circle of his thigh.

KEEP READING »



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Oh, Elle

20.Nov.2007, 10:22 pm

YSL ¡°Elle¡± perfume, $78, YSL Beauty US .com
YSL Elle Perfume YVES Saint Laurent
¡°What are you wearing?¡± asks The Boy, my boy.

¡°Oh, I¡¯m totally fine for hiking later,¡± I say. The sunshine smashes through his home¡¯s French windows, bouncing off my rhinestoned riddled heels, finally soaked up by the black of my mini-mini dress. ¡°If anything, I think I should ask you what you¡¯re wearing. But I¡¯d rather you just take it off.¡± My fingers fly to The Boy¡¯s pants¡¯ zipper.

The Boy sniffs me. ¡°No, I meant your perfume.¡±

¡°It¡¯s Elle, Yves Saint Laurent¡¯s latest,¡± I say. ¡°It¡¯s smart and sexy. Like me. Like you. Now get naked.¡±

¡°This is nice.¡± His nose grazes my neck, so my spine lights up. ¡°Very floral and a bit citrusy, but musky. Feminine, but not girly.¡±

¡°Did you just invest in Sephora?¡± I ask. ¡°Yes, Elle is very a girl named Kristopher. But why are your clothes still on? Do you need me to take some initiative?¡± I slip my dress off my shoulders.

¡°Now that¡¯s nice,¡± The Boy says.

¡°Thanks, I¡¯ve been on the soy latte diet.¡±

¡°No, I just got whiff of the base notes. That sort of woodsy smell, it reminds me of when we were driving through Lithuania¡¦¡±

¡°That¡¯s it.¡± I put my dress back on. ¡°I¡¯m making you watch Die Hard 3.¡±



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Rachel Leigh Whistle Necklace

20.Nov.2007, 02:18 pm

Rachel Leigh Whistle Necklace goldForgive me for whistle blowing.

But life¡¯s as short as your skirt.

So if it bores you to spend turkey time with people you wouldn¡¯t know were it not for some random lottery of family ties–

Skip it and get a lap dance in Vegas instead.

It¡¯s called Thanksgiving. Why not give yourself a leopard-print-sacked something to be thankful for?

» Rachel Leigh whistle necklace $145 45, Max and Chloe.com



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Gifts.com Gift Certificate Giveaway

15.Nov.2007, 05:19 pm

Dirty Talk at Barnes & NobleI¡¯m giving away a $50 Gifts.com gift certificate*, which you can swap for credit at retailers like Starbucks, Bloomies, Barnes & Noble, H&M, and more.

Email contests @ KRiSTOPHER DUKES . com to win.

Bossest gift for the holidays, right?

And unlike that dude who gifted you a Touch iPod, I don¡¯t even expect you to give me brain in exchange.

XXXO,
K

» Dirty Talk: Speak the Language of Lust, $11, Barnes & Noble

* Contest ends November 22, 2007, 12:00 a.m. PST. One randomly drawn winner will be announced November 22, 2007.



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Stylist: Interpreters of Fashion

13.Nov.2007, 01:54 pm

Stylist: Interpreters of Fashion bookStyle is a personal language, a morse code of colors, a communication in couture.

Style is living later than those five minutes of fashionable, being boss beyond a tiny time and place, revealing your personality when covering up.

Style is how Audrey Hepburn twisted a men¡¯s buttondown into a blouse, how you make your littlest black dress your own, how–

Style.com¡¯s coffee sugar-free vanilla soy latte table book Stylist edited French Vogue editrix Corrine Rotfield¡¯s S-E-X into G-L-A-M.

» Stylist: Interpreters of Fashion by Style.com, $42, Amazon.com
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Kristopher? With a ¡°K¡±?

05.Nov.2007, 09:53 pm

K Initial charm from Tiffany¡°Hi, may I speak with Kristopher?¡±

¡°This is she,¡± I say, waiting for the usual–

¡°Oh! Oh¡¦ I thought–¡±

¡°That I was a gay man?¡±

¡°Heh heh! Well,¡± he says, ¡°I saw your site and the photo and I figured it was stock photography, and then, you know, that part of your site that says, ¡®SEX¡¯ in all caps, that didn¡¯t seem like something typically a girl would write.¡±

¡°I¡¯m not typical. And though I¡¯m flattered you thought I was a random model, does that mean you also thought the Kristopher behind all these dirty words was a fat man who likes it on his stomach?¡±

KEEP READING »



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