이것 Chloe Iren 브로치 두목 숙녀가 유행에 따라 디자인 해야 하는 방법 이다: 모든 똑똑한 선 및 결의가 굳은 모양, 모든 예리한 반짝임 및 순수한 처녀 백색.
생각나게 하는지 어느 것이 너의 것의 저 치마, 정당한 명중 당신의 무릎 것 높은 쪽으로 핀으로 꼿게 또한 중대하가 Chloe 저 이 Iren 브로치에 의하여 작동될 것입니다.
숙녀 같이, Chloe 이 Iren 브로치가 그것을 얻기 때문에:
생활은 짧다. 당신의 치마는, 너무 이어야 한다.
» Chloe Iren 브로치 $615, Net-a-Porter.com
안으로 배치하는 $550-$1,000, 브로치, 유행, 보석 + 시계, 은, 백색 | 4개의 똑똑한 말"
"안녕, 말한 나는 Kristopher와?"
"이것은 그녀,"이어 나는 말해, 보통을 기다린
"Oh! Oh… 나는 생각했다"
"저 나는이었다 동성연애 남성?"
"Heh heh! 잘," 그는 말한다, 재고 사진술이었다는 것을, 그 후에, 당신이 무언가 같이, 전형적으로 여아가." 쓸 밝히고 당신의 위치, 모든 모자, 저것에서 `성'의 저 부분 보이지 않았다는 것을 알고 있다는 것을 "나는 톱 당신의 위치 및 사진 및 나 계산했다
"나는 전형적이지 않다. 나는 무작위 모형이었다는 것을 그리고 나가 당신이라고 생각했더라도 아첨하더라도, 이 외설스런 말 전부의 뒤에 Kristopher는 그의 위에 그것을?" 좋아하는 뚱뚱한 남자이었다고 당신이 또한 생각한 저 평균을 한다
악마는 지식의 나무에서 먹기 위하여 이브를 유혹하도록 뱀 유행에 따라 디자인 했다.
나는 이것에 미끄러진다 뱀 Boucheron 두 배 반지 나 자신은 한 모금 로스 앤젤레스의 Starbucks에서 간다.
아담으로 무엇이든을 delish 죄 많게 공유하기에 관해서는
The dick was a pussy.
» Boucheron ring $2,450, Vivre.com
Posted in $2,000 or more, Fashion, Gold, Jewelry + Watches | 5 Smart Remarks »
“I just got a bra that’ll make my tits a whole cup bigger!” I sing into my iPhone, talking to The Boy, my boy. “It’s so boss!”
“How many times did you go to Starbucks today?” he asks.
“Only three,” I say. “Anyway, this bra will satisfy me until I break into my IRA to fund my future Botox addiction.” I watch my face in a mirror, and my brows wrinkle at a shadow of a crease I find framing my smile. “That’s really what my retirement stash is for, because the motherfucking Lord knows I’ll be in my death bed, working, wordsmithing dirty stories while giving you a blow job.”
“I’ve always admired your ambition.”
Posted in $200 or less, Cover Story, Fashion, Jewelry + Watches, SEX, Silver | 5 Smart Remarks »
I’m lying in my dentist’s chair, and from my lofty vinyl seat Hollywood’s hills look like the rolling green of a miniature golf course–until my eyes slide wide shut to soft black, and my mouth opens to take in The Doctor’s hands. He numbs the bottom half of my face so it’s virtually paralyzed, while my mind frolics free.
I dream up a bow-shaped fanny pack that can fit an iPhone and keys and a book, maybe The Great American Novel I must birth, whose theme might be luck, same as my conversation with The Boy last night:
“I’m getting my gums done tomorrow,” I said. “My entire front lower mouth. So I’ll be living off soy lattes for a couple weeks, and no blow jobs for a few days.”
“I guess I’ll be busy for a few days,” said The Boy.
I echo his laughter with a giggle only interrupted by The Boy’s crackling voice:
“Fuck,” he said. “I want a streak of good luck.”
Posted in $200-$550, Cover Story, Gold, Jewelry + Watches, Roberto Cavalli | 3 Smart Remarks »
Posted in Fashion, Jewelry + Watches, Steals + Deals | 1 Smart Remark »
I’m in my second office–pick a Starbucks, any Starbucks–and post meeting I decide to wait out the storm of L.A. traffic, buoyed by another soy latte, on an island of a strip mall in, like, totally the Valley?
I float to the cashier. “I’ll have a sugar-free caramel, iced soy latte. Extra shot of gay.”
The cashier looks at me, polite. “Anything else?”
I survey the rows of pastries, against my will, and see the cookie I’ve been desert island-hungry for since my red tide rolled in days ago. “I’ll take a chocolate chip cookie, please.” He drops one into a bag, and the cookie’s little weighted noise sounds like the future echo of me hitting a bathroom scale. “I shouldn’t have one because I want to get crack whore-thin, but I’ll just throw up the cookie in the restroom later.”
His eyebrows raise into a question mark: his brows the curve, his pinched mouth the dot.
“Times like these we can’t waste a minute being unrealistic,” I say. “Also, I’m trying to get wireless internet in here for an S.O.S. back to L.A., but it’s a pain in my never-done-yoga-in-my-life ass. What am I doing wrong?”
“I can give you a brochure.” He reaches for a life jacket-yellow pamphlet that someone’s already tossed at me.
“It’s like you’re throwing me a brick as a life saver–not helpful,” I say. “Should I just throw my computer against the wall? Will that fix it?”
He finally cracks, a little smile. “Here’s your receipt.”
» Mesi Jilly shell ring $285, Vivre.com
Posted in $200-$550, Black, Fashion, Jewelry + Watches, White | 3 Smart Remarks »
I’ve never understood flower bouquets: they’re useless gifts that do nothing but passively pose pretty for short seconds before they wilt and die.
Like suburban housewives.
But an enameled orchid necklace? An orchid necklace is more shine and spine, it’s beautiful but hard, lasting past bad meetings with boys and worse dates with bosses, playing hard at work from nine to five and five to nine again, while still styling time to invest hours–and hours–in pleasure.
Like a boss motherfucker.
» Natural orchid necklace $38, Novica.com
Posted in $200 or less, Gold, Jewelry + Watches, Pink | 2 Smart Remarks »
A little lover’s letter held tight in a tiny, golden envelop, its “I Love You” hugging near your heart, this Urban Outfitters Jewelry “I Love You” necklace is so saccharine.
I’m def gifting myself this love letter necklace.
It beats the porn I usually forward to myself.
And paired with a little Al Green on my iTunes–
I’m totally sexing myself tonight.
» Urban Outfitters Jewelry “I Love You” necklace $24, Urban Outfitters.com
Posted in $200 or less, Gold, Jewelry + Watches | 5 Smart Remarks »
I skimmed this Oprah.com article about how to live twice as large, and I had an epiphany:
Oprah is twice the motherfucker I thought.
And I love her twice as much.
Thank you, Oprah. Not only do I know about charities I’ll never contribute to, and how to get Vicky Beckham’s $2,000 shoes that look like they cost $20 for $200, but now I realize life is double as short as you think, so your skirt ought to be twice as short.
And your heels twice as high as you think you can handle.
And your “Fuck you”s to catty kitties who hate on your attitude twice as hard.
Like your next dude’s dick.
» Steve Shein “Fuck” necklace $68, Testimo Boutique.com
Posted in $200 or less, Fashion, Gold, Jewelry + Watches | 2 Smart Remarks »
I splash my gaze on The Boy over the champagne fizz of his jacuzzi, watching him walk ’round his patio, backgrounded by a moving postcard view of Los Angeles’ coast. Spotlighted by the sunshine is his house with empty servants’ quarters 25% bigger than my shoe box home, is his groomed grass, is almost everything he’s earned–
Including the pool he’s cleaning.
I pull my topless top half out of the hot bubbly, so he can hear me when I ask, “What if we play out a pool boy porno?”
The Boy laughs, not looking up from the baby blue water he’s skimming. “So that’s what you’re thinking about, little fucker, while I work? That’s–”
“Pool boy,” I interrupt. “Pool boy, when are you coming into the jacuzzi?”
Under his surface seriousness I see a smile. “Soon, miss.”
“I’d prefer immediately, Pool Boy.” I slap wet the Italian tiles of his hot tub, with authoritative impatience. “Please strip, right now.”
“You know I prefer to pretend that I do you voluntarily, miss.”
Posted in $1,500-$2,000, Cover Story, Gold, Jewelry + Watches, SEX | 8 Smart Remarks »
Just like those Pretty Women on Sunset Blvd., these goodies from ASOS are S-E-X on the cheap.
Only a little safer.
And likely less exciting for your boy.
Posted in $200 or less, Agent Provocateur, Blue, Gold, Jewelry + Watches, Shoes, Steals + Deals | 2 Smart Remarks »
A quick call, and I haul ass to Beverly Hills–it’s my second date, with my new hair stylist. Since I moved back to the left coast, I’ve been a salon slut of one appointment stands, doing it all over L.A., trading up from my Santa Monica stand-by to 90210 salons. And now I’ve met Sally, a Japanese middle-aged girl with a face rounded like my mother’s. Her nose is gently balled at the tip like my mom’s, her eyebrows her same soft arches, and I see the powder puffs of skin under her earthy eyes and think of the trust of paying someone to do with your head whatever they like.
“Yes, I think you go slightly red, just with a glaze,” she says. She fingers my hair, a convincing caress like her soft sales pitch that I de-virginize my brown bob with a popping cherry color.
“How much maintenance?” I ask, already overbooked.
“It fades and grows out if you don’t like it. You won’t see any roots.”
Life’s short, like my skirt. Fuck it, “let’s do it.”
Posted in $200 or less, Cover Story, Jewelry + Watches, SEX, Silver | 12 Smart Remarks »
Most people don’t guess so right away, but I’m one square motherfucker, a real L7. Despite saying things that make people look at me like I speak French, I’ve never been drunk. I kept my D.A.R.E. promise excepting some social cigars and ____tinis at press parties when I was underage. I don’t understand fussing about first date S-E-X, though the thought of sexing someone I don’t respect makes me gag. And I’ll quicker blow a grand on stock than stock up on designer duds.
So I love this David McCaul ring. Its squared to the third power, but boss in bold gold, its intelligent design is true to itself, this David McCaul ring–
Would look perfect with nothing but some trashy lingerie.
» David McCaul ring, price upon request, DavidMcCaul.com
Posted in Diamond, Gold, Jewelry + Watches | 3 Smart Remarks »
You could be a little star, cookie-cut into an indistinct blink that fast fades from the forefront, or you could be a diamond in the rough, fingerprint unique, unpolished and evolving, and unapologetically confident in your raw beauty.
You could also invest two grand in your career so that you can afford these 20-grand Diamond in the Rough earrings on your own, or you could buy breast implants and get a guy to gift you these Diamond in the Rough earrings now.
Fuck, tough call.
I mean, back to building my career…
Leave a comment if you know of a good plastic surgeon in L.A.
» Diamond in the Rough earrings $20,000, Vivre.com
Posted in $2,000 or more, Diamond, Diamond in the Rough, Gold, Gray, Jewelry + Watches | 7 Smart Remarks »
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Less into "f**k me" shoes and more into "f**k you" shoes, fashion writer KRiSTOPHER DUKES blogs about Chloe Iren Brooch, five-inch heels, It bags, and more. »
Because life is short. Your skirt should be, too.™
"Kristopher Dukes win[s] wide praise in the fashion world..."
"[KRiSTOPHER DUKES .com is] a tightly edited daily glam fest..."
"Five-inch heels, It bags, and designer jewelry, with the occasional post about love for almost all things mink. [Kristopher is] courting PETA love."
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