Robert Lee Morris dollar sign bracelet $275, RobertLeeMorris.com

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

Low cash flow bleeds into envying thy neighbor — yeah, that fat housewife with the allowance.

Not printing paper leaves less space to jot down your dreams — like owning an Italian husband 10 years younger than you.

Not banging out Benjamins leads to desperate measures — like banging a Ben who measures up desperately.

Back to work.

“C*nt” necklace in silver $88, Paramorj.com

Respect isn’t making up your public face nice, respect isn’t posing pretty for politics, respect isn’t saving catty chat for behind a bitch’s back.

Respect is a fair trade of admiration, respect is currency between people with pride in their living values, respect buys what’s not for sale.

Respect pays for truth with truth, respect is honest, and respect would tell you:

Being politically correct is gay.

Disney Couture “Mirror Mirror” necklace $65, ShopIntuition.com

“What do you want to do today?” asks The Boy.

I look up from my laptop, my eyes trailing from the toe to the head of his figure stretched out on our hotel bed. “How about Starbucks?” My only real interest in Orlando, in most of Florida, was The Boy in wrinkled sheets on a work-day morning, between his business meetings. “What do you think?”

“I think we’re 30 minutes away from Disney World, so we’ve got to go. Have you ever been?”

“Disney Land, yes,” I say. “But not Disney World.” I see a flash of sticky heat, sticky hands, sticky public seats, but I blink, and decide, “Let’s do it.”

He buys the tickets online, and we shuttle over to a car rental company. The Boy feels his pants’ pockets at the counter. “I forgot, I don’t have my license,” says The Boy. “You’ll have to rent the car.”

I hand over my driver’s license. “So long as I get laid for this.”

KEEP READING »

Zoe & Morgan cloud necklace $180, Net-a-Porter.com

“Mind if I sit near the window?” The Boy, my boy, nods his assent, so I squeeze his ass and slip into the leather seat.

The jet slides inside the sky, and gravity pushes me against my chair: soft as a bed, I feel it from heel to head. We’re angling into the air, entering the blue blurring with the Pacific. I watch the earth fall off, like a silk nightie slipping to the floor, and the outside shrinks: the ocean waves smooth into regular rolls, then tiny splashes, and finally just a pretty pattern played up by the sun. Just a product for my pleasure.

We keep climbing.

KEEP READING »

Alissia Melka-Teichroew “diamond” ring $125, MoMA Store.org
Splen·da dad·dy [splen-dah dad-ee] noun 1. a rich boyfriend who makes you earn your keep. 2. a boyfriend who’s as vain as you, so the relationship is all dirty workouts and zero calories.

Ex: Jane’s Splenda daddy never pays for her soy lattes.

Bulgari B.ZERO1 ring $1,500, Bulgari.com
MySpace is full of porn bots.

Friendster lets your grandma check your dirty photos.

And Gilt Groupe? It’s a country club of social networks. Invite-only Gilt Groupe gives you access to one-day-only, online sample sales. Think Zac Posen bags for $500, Lorelei purses on sale December 4, and Bulgari below retail December 11.

First 500 to sign up get VIP access for free.

Click click.

XXXO,
K

Citrine by the Stones necklace $240, Net-a-Porter.com

Life is less a series of circles: a cycle of nine-to-five, a left-hand ring for a lifetime, a rotation around other people.

Life is more made up of the right angles: you see you should be your own boss, you realize life’s too short (like your skirt) to care what others think, and instead of needing an audience for a show, you know–

This Citrine by the Stones necklace would look better with nothing else on, alone, than with a little something-something, in front of someone.

Luxury isn’t a third home on the water. Luxury isn’t water designed to cost more than wine. Luxury isn’t frozen water dripping off your right-hand ring finger. Luxury is the hot wet you feel watching the person you decided you’re going home with. Luxury is wearing handmade shoes that fit like your feet were poured into them, just to toss them off for a stranger. Luxury is sliding off your iced watch and feeling time dissolve. Luxury is sweating into your booked-months-in-advance haircut. Luxury is your satin underwear drowning in a sea of bedclothes. Luxury is melting into sheets you barely feel, with however many threads you can’t care to count. Luxury, no matter its form, evaporates into pure pleasure. And despite how steamy luxury can be–

Luxury isn’t always so gorgeous in the morning.

» Elsa Peretti® teardrop earrings $265, Tiffany.com

Published in eVelvetRope.com

Thanksgiving isn’t being bored at a table full of family ties that would otherwise scatter, naturally, like semi-precious stones on a gold leaf pin. Thanksgiving isn’t a boring blessing for fatty foods. Thanksgiving isn’t one day out of the year you try to remember why you love life. Thanksgiving is driving 101 mph with your boy on the 101 freeway. Thanksgiving is weaving through lanes, your speed a pure pleasure that creates opportunity for yourself. Thanksgiving is your risk rewarded, putting yourself in the position to pass everyone. Thanksgiving is–

Seeing someone else get pulled over by a cop.

» 1940s vintage leaf brooch and earrings (not shown) $400, Vintage Textile.com

Forgive me for whistle blowing.

But life’s as short as your skirt.

So if it bores you to spend turkey time with people you wouldn’t know were it not for some random lottery of family ties–

Skip it and get a lap dance in Vegas instead.

It’s called Thanksgiving. Why not give yourself a leopard-print-sacked something to be thankful for?

» Rachel Leigh whistle necklace $145 45, Max and Chloe.com