Fendi Hologram clutch $722, Trendora.com

You’ve got until midnight to win this Fendi hologram clutch. The best things in life aren’t free, so while I’m giving away a Fendi hologram clutch* with e-boutique Trendora™, it’s no random drawing.

You’ve got to sign up here and tell us why you deserve this boss Fendi clutch.

As always, you ladies really make me want to touch myself touch me.

XXXO,
K

* Contest ends December 31, 2007 at 11:59 am PST. A winner will be chosen January 1, 2008.

Liucia obi clutch $250, Liucia.com

The present is a gift when it’s a perfect blend of past and future, when your now rides high on experience towards rosy hopes.

When your now levies lessons learned to climb towards climatic success.

When your now slides in and out of what’s former and forward.

When your now fashions fingerprint-unique history — a vintage obi belt from a kimono — into something future-forward — a ruthlessly minimalist rectangle clutch.

And just like your now should luxuriate in naked necessities, this obi bag looks like it’d only fit a condom and an iPhone–

The world’s oldest pleasure sport and the freshest way to watch at porn.

How presently perfect.

Fox fur muff $350, MadisonAveMall.com

ShoeBlog.com has asked me to spill seven secrets. If you didn’t already know…

1. I shop like a Kristopher, not a Krissy. I barely, rarely browse for fashion offline. I know what I want, I buy it, and I work it. Same goes for men.
2. I keep fur in my fridge. Think three vintage fur muffs, a rabbit-trimmed head scarf, and a vintage Saks mink cap. I’ve also got some water in there. My main regret living in Los Angeles? It doesn’t get cold enough for glammy dead pets, and I love animals more than PETA.
3. I own crotchless panties. This probably isn’t a secret. I’ve got two rules for buying lingerie: either underwear’s got to be wearable as outerwear, or it should be unmentionable. Though I’ll usually mention it.
4. My legal name is Kristopher Dukes. I’ve met people who knew my dot-com, but didn’t think a girl named Kristopher really existed. A flash of California I.D. later they were convinced, though confused as to why I wasn’t dancing on the table.
5. I own New Balance sneakers. My sneakers are the unicorns of closets, they’re an urban myth, like models who don’t do coke. I wear them everyday — jogging. My dad saw me working out in them once, and even he was shocked I don’t exercise in hooker heels.
6. I stopped sipping six soy lattes a day. My gorgeous espresso machine is drying up, as I’ve been Starbucksing for sugar-free, green tea soy lattes. Can I have, like, a side of hip-hop yoga with that? The stuff of pussies, I know.
7. I’m really a 40-year-old virgin in Texas who owns three cats.

Whose dirty lingerie do you boss ladies want to air? Leave a comment and name a blogger. First three bloggers listed, considered yourselves tagged.

Fendi Hologram clutch $722, Trendora.com

You’ve got two more weeks to win a Fendi hologram clutch. The best things in life aren’t free, so while I’m giving away a Fendi hologram clutch* with e-boutique Trendora™, it’s no random drawing.

You’ve got to sign up here and tell us why you deserve this boss Fendi clutch.

Entries don’t need to be epic like those VOGUEs that weigh more than you: just name drop Heidi Fleiss, link to a YouTube vid full of lap dances and dirty talk, and you’re a likely winner.

As always, you ladies really make me want to touch myself touch me.

XXXO,
K

* Contest ends December 31, 2007. A winner will be chosen January 1, 2008.

Fakewear “Louis Vuitton” fake bag, prohibited for sale, MindWhatYouWear.com

Imitation’s the highest form of flattery.

Unless you’re getting knocked off by boring bitches who can only compete with your creative sloppy seconds.

Like chicks who can only get dick after it’s been worked by another lady, copycats are pussycats domesticated beyond housewives, weak pets who only feed when fed by others.

I’d tell such girls to eat me–

But Z-listers are hardly my first choice for a third between The Boy and me.

Fendi Hologram clutch $722, Trendora.com
Give yourself a happy Christkwanzhanukkah, and sign up to win a Fendi hologram clutch. The best things in life aren’t free, so while I’m giving away a Fendi hologram clutch with e-boutique Trendora™, it’s no random drawing.

You’ve got to sign up here and tell us why you deserve this boss Fendi clutch*.

Entries mentioning making more money than god and/or a personal life goal of always wanting to have sex with yourself receive special consideration.

As always, you ladies really make me want to touch myself touch me.

XXXO,
K

* Contest ends December 31, 2007. A winner will be chosen January 1, 2008.

Celestina mother of pearl clutch $1,160, Vivre.com

Lazy waves hum, cars chuckle over cobbled streets, and layered thick above this I hear tinny music piping through the hot air. I take The Boy’s hand and we walk deeper into Puerto Vallarta, the music growing fatter. Soon we intersect a parade swaying towards the chapel tower we’d heard ringing in the morning. I step in line with Mexican kids that barely hit the hem of my skirt, and a priest splashes holy water on the children, on me.

“Watch out that it doesn’t burn!” The Boy calls across the river of people.

I smile and nod, teetering into the church on vintage hooker heels. I stare up towards heaven, and see centuries-old paintings of Christ suffering, watching over a naive scene of natives singing his praise. I feel a presence focus on me, and I turn my eyes earthward: there’s a teenaged boy eying my legs.

KEEP READING »

Fendi Hologram clutch $722, Trendora.com

The best things in life aren’t free, everything priceless is never priced less: think an early exit in a f**k-you shoe, think driving a buck-fifty in a Porsche, think…

Sex.

So I’m giving away a Fendi hologram clutch with e-boutique Trendora™, but this time it’s no random drawing. You’ve got to sign up here and tell us why you deserve this boss Fendi clutch*.

Entries mentioning lap dances for the girl named Kristopher who speaks of herself in the third person receive special consideration.

Consider this a holiday thank you for you lovelies reading all the time. It really makes me want to touch myself touches me.

XXXO,
K

* Contest ends December 31, 2007. A winner will be chosen January 1, 2008.

Celestina cracked mirror clutch $1,130, Vivre.com

Life can be a cracked mirror of meaning, people’s views get trapped in a little broken box of convention:

First date sex for men is a score, for a woman it’s a scarlet letter.

Playboys menage with a broad number of broads, the woman is just a dumb bunny.

A busy business man is ambitious, a boss lady is a bitch.

And though you could get trapped in false reflections, in points of views that shatter hit hard with logic, I figure it’s clear:

Life is short.

Your skirt should be, too.

Leave your Chanel compact at home, travel light to your holiday party:

Your money, mints, mace, mobile, and three condoms tuck into a Ted Rossi clutch, a sliver of a silver envelop.

Use the mirror metallic leather to triple-check yourself as often as you like, without anyone knowing.

And you should–you look hot, even better than the dude you’re dancing with.

So ditch him, and you and Ted Rossi have a quick bit of fun by yourselves in the bathroom.

» Ted Rossi clutch $325, Vivre.com