Hiking the Grand Canyon left me with the hands and feet of a hobbit. So when I landed at Vegas’s new hotel, the Aria, I had to polish my claws. I hardly bother with salon manis/pedis anymore, since most manicurists are only good at turning your nails into brightly painted Chiclets. But the spa at ARIA gave good buff…

I used to spend an hour a day in the gym on the hamster wheel, while reading Henrik Ibsen plays on my iPhone.

Yawn.

Now I sweat blood while watching P90X Plus DVDs six days a week, and the deliciously cheesy trainer Tony Horton tells me to c’mon now this is P. 90. X.

You feeling the burn? I know I am, so you must be to.

So the most brain I’ve flexed with P90X is figuring how to get P90X onto my iPhone.

As if weighing Ibsen’s A Doll’s House to Euripides’ Medea is more intellectually stimulating than admiring my Madonna-esque biceps…

You’ve got 13 more hours to stock up on Booty Parlor goodies, half-off on Hautelook.com.

One of my favs is Booty Parlor’s “Vanilla Chai Latte” skin honey.

Wait, did you make it with soy…

Booty Parlor Skin Honey is “kissable three-in-one body topping, massage gel and personal lubricant.” Laced with aphrodisiacs, honey extract, and goji berry, Booty Parlor’s Skin Honey in Vanilla Honey Chai is as delicious as it pimps itself.

So is it wrong I’ve taken to snacking on it?

Literally?

I love how London is littered with gentlemen’s gear: briefcases built to outlast grandsons, sterling silver flasks daintier than the ladies who shouldn’t use them, and leather cases crafted as carefully as the cigars they’re meant to hold. This Kiki James military wet pack reminds me of a Fortnum & Mason leather watch roll I wanted to buy for my toiletries. Handmade and styled after an early 20th century Brit army officer kit, the leather military wet pack can be personalized with your initials. That’s so much more choice than monogrammed luggage…

The only things decorating my bachelorette pad are black and white photographs leaning against the wall next to a giant mirror, piles of books, Jimmyjane massage candles, and a leather valet tray. There’s something intimate about organizing a mess of keys, coins, and cards into an open tray — you feel like you’re peering into an open drawer.  Get one or 100 valet leather trays, so you can scatter them around your house and your hotel room. Kiki James’ leather valet tray is especially choice in sapphire…

I only ever bother buying a book instead of downloading it when I can find a cheap first edition, or there’s something sensual about the book that makes it worth holding.

Like Bill Amberg leather-covered Penguin Classics.

As much as I love jazz babies, The Great Gatsby is a waste, no matter how finely stylized its language and leather cover are. Oscar Wilde’s A Picture of Dorian Gray is choice. Dorian would have appreciated this Bill Amberg leather-bound book, as he was an ageless, beautiful hedonist crazy for collectibles.

Except for his murdering his friend, frequenting opium dens, and having homosexual tendencies (I’m not a gay man, only often confused with one), I like to imagine Dorian and I are very much alike…

With Sony Ericsson’s “Pureness” mobile phone, you can only talk, text, and tell the time. How refreshingly simple.

Only that means in place of my iPhone I’ll also have to stuff my Hermes bag with an Amazon Kindle, laptop, digicam, and small recording device that plays a “We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected…” message like the “Disconnected” iPhone app. (Feel flattered if you’ve heard that after dialing my number–it means you’ve made an impression.)

Sony’s take on complicated minimalism is inspiring. I’ll also take my stereo, AC, and lights out of my Porsche, drive around with a boombox and battery-powered fan, and just lean out my window and shine a flashlight down the road at night…

I’m on a new diet. Every day I wake up to an hour at the gym, down matcha green tea and fresh fruit for breakfast, and eat VeginOut delivered meals for lunch and dinner — except Sunday.

On the lord’s day, while in Giuseppe blue satin slippers and Marlies Dekkers panties, I consume a bag of Uncle Eddies vegan cookies and flip through Helmut Newton’s Playboy photography.

The key is to eat the cookies until you feel sick, and to stare at Helmut Newton’s photos until those shots of long models’ legs begin to slice the “sur” out of “surreal.” Like Newton’s play of gleaming glam and subconscious camp, it’s all about balance.

And Oscar Wilde said moderation is fatal thing…

I used to suck down seven soy lattes a day and snort lines of espresso grinds around midnight — sleep was a waste of time.

Then I discovered matcha green tea. A premium powder of ground-up green tea leaves, matcha is higher in antioxidants than regular green tea, and whisking matcha and boiling water into a cup of jade froth makes for a better a.m. ceremony than whining in line at Starbucks.

Le Palais Gourmet matcha green tea is especially fine. When you open its canister, the bright green powder smells like an idealized version of a spring morning: sweet and alive.

Which is lovely. But the best part?

Matcha green tea gives you a higher, smoother buzz.

“Sleeping” is always better as a euphemism…