Wearing:

I’m not a fan of natural beauty, nor do I believe it exists. Natural beauty is a painful myth perpetuated by ugly chicks who hate how they look. Beauty is built with brains, swagger, and –

Dough.

So naturally, I’m trying Josie Maran 100% argan oil not because it’s a travel-friendly, organic, billion-year-old moisturizer for your face, hair, and hands, but because for $28 an ounce Josie Maran’s argan oil is almost as expensive as getting needled in 90210 — which means it must be effective.

And I would know.

I used to visit a Beverly Hills medi spa that worked with Dr. Jiffy Lube, the Argentine faux doc who pumped automobile-grade ingredients into Priscilla Presley’s bloated lips…

Trust me…

Wanting:

I just received Vivienne Tam’s “Butterfly Lovers” netbook (thank you, HP). Vivienne Tam’s latest digital clutch is as light as its butterfly looks but heavy with features, making for the double happiness (双喜) stamped on the keyboard. Glowing in brushed gold, the netbook’s as charming and smart as Ms. Tam, whom I had the luck of latte’ing with months ago.

So how is it I’m left wanting?

I need to Hackintosh it…

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Using:

I travel with as few things a possible. Before I had my Alstermo Bruk hand-made, hard-case carryon, I managed to stuff stuff for international trips into my laptop bag.

Impressed?

Given that, I usually don’t bother bring a razor, as any decent hotel’ll have one. But this USB travel shaver was just too amusing. The USB-powered shaver lights up bright blue when you plug into into your MacBook…

Wanting:

Rene Furterer Okara no-rinse conditioner? No brainer, if I can really cut out a step of my beauty routine.

I spend so much time figuring how to save time it’d probably amount to the same thing if I just rolled with the regular ways of doing things.

We’ll see.

Forgive me if this post is short, I’m training my German Shepherd Major Dukes to type for me…

Using:

My vanity is only matched by my smart laziness. I’ll go a week without washing my hair: it keeps my hair healthier, faster to fix, and –

Gives me another reason to cloud myself with L’Artisan Parfumeur Tubereuse perfume.

When I finally get around to cleaning up my bedhead, I use Okara Protect Color Protective Radiance Shampoo by Rene Furterer. Rene Furterer Okara shampoo makes your hair so smooth it’ll cut down the blowdry time, and its rich price helps justify a weekly wash…

Wearing:

I used to be a whore for NARS makeup, largely thanks to their matte black, minimalist packaging and the dirty dubbing of their blushes (“Super Orgasm?” Genius). Now I only use Senna Cosmetics. Whatever Senna lacks in cheeky-chic marketing, the boutique line makes up with high quality pigment.

I always have a backup compact of Senna’s Mineral Mix powder foundation — its buildable coverage has a slight shimmer, so that your face looks dewy instead of Kabuki. Senna sent me their new Senna HDExtreme Firming Radiant Makeup, which is the liquid version of Mineral Mix: the slightest champagne shimmer makes the foundation blur your imperfections into the smoothest beauty…

Wearing:

I didn’t mean to turn my back you on, darlings.

I took a vacay from blogging dilettantism to be an actual dilettante. But I’m back.

And I’m still stuck on my uniform of bespoke silk jersey tank dresses, but I figured I ought to own at least one dress that hits below the knees, and this Black Fleece gray shift dress was a steal on Gilt Groupe.

Plus, it’s because this Black Fleece gray shift dress covers you up completely that that button-down back looks like an invitation…

Using:

Hiking the Grand Canyon left me with the hands and feet of a hobbit. So when I landed at Vegas’s new hotel, the Aria, I had to polish my claws. I hardly bother with salon manis/pedis anymore, since most manicurists are only good at turning your nails into brightly painted Chiclets. But the spa at ARIA gave good buff…

Hating:

I’ve a good enough imagination to imagine I’ve a good enough imagination.

So what’s so choice, so cheeky chic about these Agent Provocateur “finger cuff” rings?

Stuff like this vibes Emperor Wears No Clothes — am I supposed to pretend to be blown away since only the stupid don’t see the invisible duds?

I can’t imagine…

Using:

I used to spend an hour a day in the gym on the hamster wheel, while reading Henrik Ibsen plays on my iPhone.

Yawn.

Now I sweat blood while watching P90X Plus DVDs six days a week, and the deliciously cheesy trainer Tony Horton tells me to c’mon now this is P. 90. X.

You feeling the burn? I know I am, so you must be to.

So the most brain I’ve flexed with P90X is figuring how to get P90X onto my iPhone.

As if weighing Ibsen’s A Doll’s House to Euripides’ Medea is more intellectually stimulating than admiring my Madonna-esque biceps…