Using:

You’ve got 13 more hours to stock up on Booty Parlor goodies, half-off on Hautelook.com.

One of my favs is Booty Parlor’s “Vanilla Chai Latte” skin honey.

Wait, did you make it with soy…

Wanting:

I hardly romanticize life before electronic mail, the flying bus, the horseless carriage.

But there’s something romantic about a train ride, about a process of traveling outside of carefully placing your Giuseppes in a security tray, a journey that includes holding on to private packages like this  Manufactum cardboard hat box.

Hugging a hatbox on a train is so seductively innocent.

Espesh if you stash your Marlies Dekkers panties in it…

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Hating

I love the concept of Arosha Luigi Taglia’s “Golden Highway” ring: an abstract, sterling silver skyline dotted with small diamonds winking like skyscraper windows, while an 18K gold highway winds through the city.

I love the idea. The execution? Not so much. I wish it were tinier.

Somehow that reminds me of how I feel about Beyoncé…

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Wanting

I’ve always been a sucker for boulder-sized cocktail rings. When I was ten I had a giant ring like a moving museum: three little mosquitos were trapped inside amber-colored acrylic. When I was 20 I had a vintage resin ring sprinkled with a starburst of aurora borealis stones. Now — at age 18 — I only sport a custom “K” signet pinkie ring. Still, this choice Naye Quiros pyramid ring — inspired by Cairo’s pyramids — is super tempting…

Hating

Booty Parlor’s tickler and spanker is cute, but does a tease of pleasure always have to be balanced with a slap of pain? Is Booty Parlor’s tickle and spank wand a metaphor for America’s Puritan approach to sex? Don’t you find spanking rather degrading, for a man or a woman?

No?

Bad dog.  Let’s find out if we can change your mind…

Wanting

Booty Parlor Bath Kitten is a kit of lush bath milk and a “purring” bath mitt.

As if I didn’t have a hard enough time getting out of the bath already.

You know, while consuming all-engrossing Ayn Rand ebooks. Booty Parlor’s Bath Kitten‘s copywriting looks equally tempting…

Using

Booty Parlor Skin Honey is “kissable three-in-one body topping, massage gel and personal lubricant.” Laced with aphrodisiacs, honey extract, and goji berry, Booty Parlor’s Skin Honey in Vanilla Honey Chai is as delicious as it pimps itself.

So is it wrong I’ve taken to snacking on it?

Literally?

Hating

I can’t think of anything heart-shaped I’d dig; I wouldn’t even want a heart shaped like a heart.

The only way I’d dig this Kiki James leather heart box is if it was holding a skull-and-bones pinky ring as a gift.

And if it self-destructed after I took said ring about of the heart-shaped box…

Using

The only things decorating my bachelorette pad are black and white photographs leaning against the wall next to a giant mirror, piles of books, Jimmyjane massage candles, and a leather valet tray. There’s something intimate about organizing a mess of keys, coins, and cards into an open tray — you feel like you’re peering into an open drawer.  Get one or 100 valet leather trays, so you can scatter them around your house and your hotel room. Kiki James’ leather valet tray is especially choice in sapphire…

Using

I’m that chick who wears her full face — smoky eyes, NARS “Super Orgasm” blush, Neutrogena SPF 20 lip gloss, eyebrow gel, porcelain powder foundation — to the gym, to the grocery store, to a deliciously private Desert Hot Springs resort. I’ve been wearing the same face since high school, so I know how to apply it to last (the trick? Layers of powder foundation as an eyeshadow base). So I thought a makeup finish spray by Skindinavia would be fun to try, but hardly impressive. Wrong. The makeup finish spray made my face last more than 24 hours — it slept perfectly through pillow play, so I could get up early and start sweating.

You know, at the gym…