Kristopher writes post titles in the third person?

Flattering and disturbing: my likeness is being used to pimp “discount” Loubies.

Of course, I’m sure Classic-Louboutin.com would blush to know I’m actually wearing Givenchy heels…

(Thanks for the tip off, Vee.)

Christian Louboutin shoes $755, Net-a-Porter.com

All things are not created equal.

Some hookers have the discipline to stand tall and live independently, resisting the gravity of lying flat; some housewives are scared of heights.

Some hookers have fearlessness to make their blues bright against a mad red sole; some housewives would rather live in a twilight of gray.

Some hookers trade value for value in order to pay for f**k-you shoes; some housewives live off an allowance of slippers.

But wherever, however you were born, remember: you can make yourself.

Hopefully into a woman that Christian Louboutin’ll make shoes for.

Christian Louboutin shoes, “Declic,” $640, Net-a-Porter.com

A lot of living life is as simple and clean as standing as tall as possible — not lying on your back, letting things come to you.

Unless you’re in a million-thread-count bed sheets, your legs stretching to the ceiling, your feet in these red-soled, f**k-you shoes.

You know, writing an opposite-of-wet business plan.

That can also prove profitable.

Christian Louboutin bag $1,690, Louboutin New York

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Christian Louboutin shoes with sequins $925, Net-a-Porter.com

New Year’s Eve isn’t for getting smashed, forgetting your past. New Year’s Eve isn’t for getting screwed by just anyone, forgetting any future. New Year’s Eve is best balanced between last year and later, making the present a real gift. New Year’s Eve ends and begins with a hard, wet midnight kiss. New Year’s Eve has you on your toes, sliding in and out of your past and future, in and out of classic and current. New Year’s Eve rides on your dark dirty history towards red-rosy hopes. New Year’s Eve comes hard to the realization you should celebrate your now. Always.

Though even New Year’s Eve knows now might not look so good later, sober.

Especially to your boyfriend.

Published in eVelvetRope.com

With Halloween hung over, it’s time to prep presents for Kwanzanukkah, to play selfless, to –

Gift those who gift you richly the best.

It’s just good business.

But before your buying spree, invest in a something for yourself, like these two-tone bowed Christian Louboutin shoes. All boss black and serious satin, these Christian Louboutin shoes bow-tie yourself into your own gift.

The ambitious arch will have you watch your walk into your meeting.

And kill it.

» Christian Louboutin shoes with bow $925, Net-a-Porter

I’ve only lived in America all twenty-some years of my life, and from what I understand Labor Day should be celebrated not laboring. But so long as Starbucks is serving iced soy green tea lattes, I’m grinding hard, prowling the web for the most boss Christian Louboutins for you lovelies, I’m positively sweating for shoes that spell S-E-X.

Like this Christian Louboutin boot.

With a long and hard heel stuck into an ambitious arch, with peek-a-boo strips of leather and fishnet melting into a passion-red sole, this Christian Louboutin boot is the perfect shoe for a Labor Day that celebrates the pleasure and profit of being a woman working for herself.

So slip on these Christian Louboutin boots, and work your tight little ass off.

Lying on your back.

…With your laptop balanced on your stomach as you innocently tickle your typepad and write the opposite-of-wet business plans.

» Christian Louboutin boot in fishnet $970, Bergdorf Goodman

A five-inch heel in cognac leather that’s second-skin up to your knees means these boss Christian Louboutin boots will have you looking like a very Pretty Woman come fall double-oh-seven.

These Christian Louboutin boots–with your little virgin white dress–may style you so pretty a woman, that these “fuck me” “fuck you” boots might pay for themselves.

Lewd wink, wink.

Because, you know, a monk will see you on Sunset Blvd. in West Hollywood and offer to take you to a classy dinner of holy bread and alcohol-free wine that costs about a grand.

That’s what I was implying.

» Christian Louboutin boots $1,295, Net-a-Porter.com

Christian Louboutin shoes for less than I spend Starbucksing in a month?

That’s actually not so boss, not so amazing.

Let’s rephrase, lovelies.

Louboutins for less than two Benjies?

Mmmhmm.

XXXO,
K

» Christian Louboutin shoes $155 via Barneys.com