Hating:

The worst part about these microfiber dust mop slippers is that I know they work.

If this is what a German shepherd has reduced me to, reproduction may be suicide…

Wanting:

Besides being distracted by behind-the-scenes, intense research for this blog, I’m consumed with decorating my 1929 Spanglish pad.  My interior designing was once limited to stacking Ayn Rand bios and Edith Wharton novels on the floor, but now I’m hunting for a waterfall coffee table that echoes my waterfall dining table, replacing brushed nickel cabinet knobs with iron Spanish Revival hardware, and –

Getting a new Jax and Bones faux leather pillow dog bed for Major Dukes, of course.

Some people assume Major sleeps in my bed.

Gross.

I love Major, and he’s better behaved, educated, and traveled than 99% of people.

But he’s dog.

A dog who told me I keep him up at night because I run in my sleep…

Wearing:

I may be a total dog lady now, but at least I sport Alexander Wang mules while walking Major Dukes — even on the one day it rained in Vegas.

But my choice of shoes is really hardly ridick, since Major Dukes is like a rap star: he spends his day around a chick wearing nothing but Giuseppes and triple-digit thongs, he’s chauffeured in a Porsche, and he pisses in public in Vegas…

Staying:

The Wynn is a world away from everything else in Vegas, but the Aria Sky Suites at the City Center are an elevator ride away from a hidden dog park… MORE »

Hating:

Apparently my German Shepherd Major Dukes shares my judgment that while most Prada products suck, these Prada Lucite shoes were enjoyable.

Despite being better educated than most people, admired at right- and left-coast Soho Houses, and bored with his custom Porsche dog seat, it turns out Major is a beast.

Until this morning, I thought Major was a West Point grad in a dog costume. Who knew…

My German Shepherd Major Dukes goes everywhere with me. And everywhere we go, I get stopped by someone who has a friend whose mother had a sister whose grandfather had a neighbor who might have seen a German Shepherd on TV. And if someone’s not telling me that their second cousins’s uncle’s friend’s brother’s ex-girlfriend’s dad raised or trained or grew up with a German Shepherd bigger and better looking than Major, they’re asking Major if he’s having a good day and if he knows what a good boy he is oh yes he is.

In hopes of saving my sanity, I’ve decided to document the choicer quotes from my encounters. Here’s my favorite…

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Wanting:

I had the billion-dollar idea of inventing a retractable leash built into a dog collar.

So did a few other companies.

And thank god the inc.’s beat me to the punch — it turns out a dog collar with a built-in retractable leash is a 50-grand brain fart. These retractable-leash collars are on sale here, here, and here.

The best is Bamboo Quick Control Collar — it’s the most subtly and intuitively designed collar with retractable leash, and works for dogs with necks up to 26″ big.

I’ll have to ask my German Shepherd Major Dukes if he thinks orange is choice…

Loving:

I’ve just received these photos from the lady who raised Major Dukes. When he was months old, she took him to Belgium. Who knew. Next I’ll discover that he was married before…

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Hating:

Major Dukes is as hairy as he is handsome.

I sneezed looking at this photo.

I’m taking German Shepherd haircut suggestions…

Using:

My 911 had two backseats with a hump between them, making it an unsafe drive for Major Dukes and my car’s leather. After Googling hard for a dog car seat to fit a Porsche, nothing surfaced. So Rob Phillips at Phillips & Co. Hotrods built a custom ledge for Major to ride on. Now Major can nap safely while he’s driven around in a Porsche by a hot chick in Giuseppes.

Major’s the Jay-Z of dogs…