Wanting:

This James Perse limited-edition dog bed is true what works for the brand: carefully casual, California cool, with a ridick price tag.

I hate anything patterned — check that light text to the left — , and I still want this James Perse dog bed for Major Dukes…

Using:

Most well-edited dog stores, espesh in LA, aren’t really for dogs: they typically cater to expensive rats leashed to silicone toys.

Thankfully I just discovered Blue Collar dog store in Echo Park, a curated warehouse offering “supplies for the working dog.” Think collars with studs instead of crystals, camo-print mats instead of leopard pillows, and grass-fed bullies instead of tofu treats.

Was that a giggle because Major Dukes rides in a Porsche’s customized backseat?

He earned it. And since Major skirted a career in narcotics, hangs around a chick sporting Giuseppes and mink, he’s the Jay-Z of dogs…

Wanting:

Do you think it’s indulgent of me to buy Major Dukes a Cain & Able lavender dog bath gift basket? Am I ridiculous to think a German Shepherd, no matter how much he cost, appreciates lavender-themed, all-natural shampoo, conditioner, body spray, and paw salve?

Please.

Major’ll find aesthetic irony in the so-bad-it’s-good bone-shaped basket this Cain & Able lavender dog spa gift set comes in…

Hating:

A lavender aromatherapy candle designed for a dog?  For use “during bath time to help keep your pet calm and relaxed”?

As Major Dukes is better educated than 99.91% of mankind, he’s not sure if he’s more offended when pets are humanized for marketing reasons or out of misguided sincerity.

I told him the latter offends me more, but Major said after we finish taking photos for my blog, he’ll re-read Nietzsche’s Animal Philosophy and get back to me…

Using:

I was tempted to spritz Major Dukes with my daily L’Artisan Parfumeur, and though the scent’s not a high-note feminine, I didn’t think a dude dog ought to smell like a tubereuse.

But there’s something relaxing, fresh, and unisex about lavender.

Especially when Cain & Able lavender dog cologne doubles as a bug repellent and it’s spritzed on a 75-pound German Shepherd that’s faster and quieter than a bullet…

Wearing:

I’m uncomfortable in flats, but I bought these Giuseppe Zanotti riding boots so I can ride Major Dukes, my German Shepherd, sidesaddle.

Actually, I bought them for hiking the Grand Canyon with him in March.

I plan on photographing all that natural beauty: I’ll limit my smoky eye to three shades of shadow, and cut Major’s collars down to two.

That big slash in the earth might make it into some pictures, too…

Wearing:

Major’s fur is all over my clothes…

Wanting:

Louis Vuitton Mack.

Maybe I should invest in a Kent double-sided clothing brush…

Hating:

The Y.Bowl elevated pet bowl seemed choice: matte black metal prongs offered my bachelorette pad chic minimalism; a large stainless steel bowl offered my German Shepherd Major Dukes easy drinking.

And a bath for his paws.

While Major Dukes is more skilled than most people, a little slurpy-slurp, and the Y.Bowl dog bowl was upside down on my carpet…

Yawning:

I bought The Dress — a simple racerback tank dress I’ve had copied using a rainbow of silk jerseys — from e-boutique SSense.

Its latest lookbook vibes like a change of direction for the straight store.

I’ve been thinking of taking stylized photos with Major Dukes, my new German shepherd, but they wouldn’t exactly look like this. Or this.

Her hair’s too big…