Hating:

This Norma Kamali for Walmart sweatshirt dress is sold out in everything but the size XL.

Tempting as it is, I already look like an Olsen twin.

I’m too fat to put on any more weight…

Wanting:

Since I’m hardly ever out of my uniform of made-to-order silk tank dresses and shawl-collar wrap coats, I’m not sure when I’d wear this Norma Kamali for Walmart motorcycle jacket. But as it costs less than a bottle of dog shampoo, do I need to know now?

Wait, Major Dukes is barking.

He said I ought to stop blowing dough; he wants an Hermès dog collar.

I told Major that sounded a little fashion victim, and he replied that was interesting coming from a chick who wears five-inch Giuseppes to take him out to potty.

Touché…

Wearing:

I bought this Norma Kamali for Walmart long cardigan to wear with my White Sands deep V-neck, one-piece swimsuit.

I love how a preppy cardigan pairs with a plunge-neck one-piece, a la Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface, but how often will I wear the two together?

Very often.

Kristopher Dukes, Inc. has a strict dress code: no panties or pants…

Wearing:

I thought Sundance would be a perfect play time for my ’60s chocolate mink trenchcoat.

I also thought — think? — Giuseppe Zanotti shearling boots with a four-inch rubber wedge heel would be practical too.

But what about this Norma Kamali puffer jacket? Water-resistant, engineered for NASA spacesuit warmth, kept cozy with a self-tie belt –

You’re right, it’s probably too sporty for my first time snowshoe hiking…

Drinking:

A few weeks ago I visited Norma Kamali’s showroom/retail space in midtown Manhattan. PR lady Sari gave me the tour, and when we stopped in Norma Kamali’s Wellness Cafe I bought Norma Kamali lavender candies, lavender soda, and lavender tea (and they gave me this dress).

Curious how flower candies taste? Try Norma Kamali’s Gourmet Travel Kit of olive oil, lavender tea, and honey lavender drops.  Norma Kamali looks as fresh as her Walmart models, so while I wait for her line of organic, free-trade, vegan Botox, I’ll  drink whatever holistic Kool-Aid she sells…

Wanting

Forgetting about the flying bus’s bathroom, isn’t this Norma Kamali all-in-one-jumpsuit perfect for traveling? It’s Audrey Hepburn-hip worn simple like this, and you can also twist it into a halter or one-shouldered top…

Hating

So I actually love this Norma Kamalibay all-in-one tunic, against my will — for years I’ve abstained from wearing patterns. But Norma Kamali is one of the few brands I’m a sucker for…

Wearing

Normally I pack three shades of the same silk jersey tank dress; now I can travel with one dress that styles into 30+ different versions (watch this YouTube vid to see how you style a Norma Kamali all-in-one dress). So choice.

Everyone from Donna Karan to late-night infomercials have pimped the minimalist chick’s dream: the wrinkle-free, all-in-one jersey dress.

Norma Kamali’s all-in-one dress is $24 at Walmart.com. Enjoy losing it in a hotel room…

Hating

I’m such a sucker for simple, draping shapes. So why the hate for this NormaKamalibay shawl collar coat? I’m having a hard time clicking buy, since I’ve had a similar shawl-collared wrap coat copied into three different colors: chocolate tropical wool, bright white cotton, and a blue sueded cotton.

Wait, you’re right — I don’t own it in gray terry yet…

Wearing

I love this jacket’s classic shape cleaned up and cushed out — it’s that tiny touch of puff that makes this NormaKamalibay sleeping bag jacket so choice.

I should wear less gray, but this Norma Kamali sleeping bag jacket drives me bananas, and Norma Kamali’s NormaKamalibay collection is exclusive to eBay…