Christian Louboutin shoes $755, Net-a-Porter.com

All things are not created equal.

Some hookers have the discipline to stand tall and live independently, resisting the gravity of lying flat; some housewives are scared of heights.

Some hookers have fearlessness to make their blues bright against a mad red sole; some housewives would rather live in a twilight of gray.

Some hookers trade value for value in order to pay for f**k-you shoes; some housewives live off an allowance of slippers.

But wherever, however you were born, remember: you can make yourself.

Hopefully into a woman that Christian Louboutin’ll make shoes for.

Christian Louboutin shoes, “Declic,” $640, Net-a-Porter.com

A lot of living life is as simple and clean as standing as tall as possible — not lying on your back, letting things come to you.

Unless you’re in a million-thread-count bed sheets, your legs stretching to the ceiling, your feet in these red-soled, f**k-you shoes.

You know, writing an opposite-of-wet business plan.

That can also prove profitable.

Fendi shoes $912 $511, eLUXURY.com

Shoes just aren’t pretty things to prance in.

Shoes are a platform for your life: shoes should be ambitiously arched so you watch your walk, shoes should be built on a thick soul to cushion gritty paths, shoes should have a f**k-you heel at an odd, right angle so people know you’re different.

Shoes should also be half off.

Kind of like your panties are, half the time.

Giuseppe Zanotti booties $699, Couture.Zappos.com

Sluts are people who don’t love sex.

Sluts rarely realize that making lust is making a trade of respect. Sluts never know that sex is the top expression of admiration, that an orgasm is pure pleasure achieved appreciating the one you’re with.

Sluts don’t do 99 dudes they esteem. Sluts sleep with a single loser they barely understand; they’re missionaries about monogamy with partners who never value them.

Sluts lead an empty life full of unchosen, Platonic pals. Sluts–

Won’t wear f**k-you shoes like these.

Alexander McQueen shoes, $805, Net-a-Porter.com

Your new year shouldn’t be a twilight of grays, a melt of highlights and lowlights, a boring blend of neither success nor failure.

Your new year should be bright white striped with base black, it should be pure success played up by dark lessons.

Your new year should be an ambitious arch balanced on a pin-thin heel of risk and a fat platform of soul to save you.

But should you want to waste your new year, at least do it going into debt for Alexander McQueen f**k-you shoes, while jetting ’round the world, snorting coke off a model’s six-pack.

Giuseppe Zanotti shoes $695, Net-a-Porter.com

Your New Year should be unapologetically bright, timelessly in the now, ambitiously arched, your New Year should be real luxury: a beautiful celebration of pure pleasure, of gorgeous selfishness, of–

Breaking up with your toyfriend.

If there’s something to work out, it’s not working.

And if you end up missing five hard inches of smart sex, buy Giuseppes.

They’ll do you better, I promise.

If only because they can’t talk and demand you menage with other chicks.

Oscar de la Renta shoes $645, Net-a-Porter.com

The pretty polish of life, moments of perfect gloss are only flawless after hours of dirty grind:

I work out kinks to get kinky right, I iron out wrinkles to get sprinkles of naughtiness nice, I edit out fat ideas to keep communication sleek.

Standing effortlessly in ambitiously arched, glass-patent peep-toes takes a lifetime of effort.

That’s why copycats who live off sloppy seconds of creativity teeter and fall in their knock-off heels.

Meow.

Jimmy Choo studded platforms $1,100, Net-a-Porter

Being practical depends on what you want to practice.

And if you want to practice sex perfectly safe, these studded Jimmy Choo shoes are practically perfect.

Unless you’re wearing your Choos bare with a Jimmy.

If anyone tells you to tone it down, to see more gracious grays in life instead of its bright rainbow of uncompromising colors–

If anyone tells you to settle down, to muck up your life going missionary with a mate instead of menaging with men who challenge you–

If anyone tells you to quiet down, to style a subtle sparrow instead of a pimp peacock–

Step on them in these peacock-print platforms, in these Isabella Fiore shoes.

Just be careful not to soil your sexy sole.

» Isabella Fiore shoes $450 $315, eLUXURY

Halloween is all about:

Goth glam and black fun.

Getting a spell on.

Dressing more slutty than usual.

Which would be hard, without these Jimmy Choo boot shoes called “Spell.”

Happy Halloween, lovelies.

XXXO,
K

» Jimmy Choo boot sling-backs $1,200, Net-a-Porter.com